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My very first date!!! But he's bi, should I be worried?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by kunglaomksm, Jan 12, 2013.

  1. kunglaomksm

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    I met him online. And this is the first time we will meet> I'm so nervous cause he says he is bi, I don't know why I'm being so insecure about him being bi, but he seems like a nice guy.
    GOD! :bang: Wish me luck though....
     
  2. Deaf Not Blind

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    What...are you thinking he will cheat on you or compare you with a woman?
    Or...IDK, gee you are judging a guy who likes you and wants to meet you...are you saying that he is a slut because he is not GAY??
     
  3. TeePee

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    I think i get what @kunglaomksm is feeling. It can be difficult, i'm usually attracted to bi guys and feel a little insecure when they "look" at girls.
    My advice, try to relax, he already likes YOU, that's all you need to care about.
     
  4. alex408

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    Hi kunglaomksm,

    Other than his sexuality are there any substantial flags that you didn't mention? If not go for it and the best of luck to the both of you.

    Although I understand your concern, I would take it slow and use this as an oppirtunity to find out more about him and bisexuality without letting him speak for all bisexuals and you could share with him about your life as a gay man without representing all gays as well. If you have represented yourself well then you each have served your respective groups well.

    - Alex
     
  5. Deaf Not Blind

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    Hmm...well have you men thought about how that reaction would make your bi-sexual date feel? I think if gay men feel insecure about bisexual guys who like them, it is kinda like the girls who date straight men and always are fearful they will lose him to another girl and get catty to other chicks and start telling him to not have any girls for friends or friend him on FB. Like you said TP, if a guy likes YOU, that is all you need to care about. Maybe you all should feel honored that of all the girls and guys in the world, they only have eyes for you.
     
    #5 Deaf Not Blind, Jan 12, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2013
  6. Robert

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    I met my boyfriend online. I met him IRL some time towards the end part of last year. He's bisexual. We live together now. It's great.

    I know why you're worried that he's bisexual. Its because the girls that he looks at have things that you dont have... Breasts and vaginas (Ew. I know, right?).
    But what you have to understand is that you arent perfect. You dont have the best looking ass in the world... You dont have the nicest eyes... You dont have the loveliest voice and so on. But his attraction to you goes beyond that. You are clearly someone that he likes. And he's chosen you to go out on a date with him, above everyone else. Its not a single part of you that he's attracted to alone (or so one would hope), its the sum of your parts that make you such an amazing and attractive person to him.

    Good luck on your first date. It could go better than you would ever have imagined.
     
  7. Lewis

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    Well it's only the same as dating a gay guy and him looking at other guys. A cheat is a cheat regardless of their gender or sexuality. If he likes you, his wondering eye won't wonder too much.
     
  8. PeteNJ

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    He's obviously interested and attracted to you. And you're attracted to him. Go with that. Have a fun time being with him. Once you meet him, talk with him, you'll see if you're still attracted and interested - then see what happens.

    But that's easy for me to say... I have my first gay date next week, too. And while I'm thinking -- this is cool, we'll have a good time, we'll be friends -- its damn hard not to think about all the other stuff that could happen - do i want to take it slow and get to know him. What if he (or I) want to get physical or sexual? (and what if I or he doesn't?) What if he seems more friend material than a lover? I'm not usually an insecure guy, but in a dating situation, its hard not to be a little uncertain at least. In the past, I've tried to go out thinking that this will be a fun time, whatever happens, I'll enjoy myself...

    Good luck to you for sure!
     
  9. aconite

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    This. I agreed.
    I'm a bi and dating a lesbian, I would be so hurt if she doubted me and think I'll compare her to guys.
    You may worry about him cheating on you, as a person, and not as a bisexual. Everyone can cheat or compare, whether they are bisexuals, gays, or straights.
     
  10. kunglaomksm

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    Oh my god you guys, it was a disaster :icon_sad: ... It was so awkward all the time... And at the end I feel rejected... :tears::tears:
    I see there was a misunderstanding in my first post. Let me explain. Here in our country there is this common knowledge of being gay and bi. The common knowledge about gays here are they are all 'effeminate' or 'cross dressers' or something like that. Bi guys are the 'straight acting gay guys' or 'bi now gay later' guys. I know it's hard to explain but it's kinda like that. So what I was worried about was if he's a 'bi now gay later' type of guy. And I was right!!! He was so insecure about me having as a date that every coffee shop we went to was disregarded cause he knows someone there and he doesn't want somebody he knows he's with some boy because he doesn't want those people to tease him about his date this night. So I just suggested that we buy some take out coffee and walk around the city.
    It was so awkward the entire walk cause I tried making conversations with him and he just passively answers while holding his phone and texting somebody. It turns out we were headed to his cousins house for him to retrieve his flash drive. Here's our conversation:

    Me: Is it far?
    Him: No it's not.... So where will you wait?
    Me: What?
    Him: I mean you can't come with me cause my cousin will be a tattle tale when he sees you and tell everything to my big brother.
    Me: Big Brother?
    Him: Yeah. He doesn't like me bringing guy dates.
    Me:Oh... :confused:
    Him:Yeah... So just wait there at that store and I'll be right back...
    I waited for like 20 minutes before he came back. Then we continued our walk.
    Me: I feel so awkward
    Him: Yeah, because you're so quiet. But I'm used to guys like you.
    I felt annoyed because I was always the starter of the conversation and sometimes I just run out of things to say so I become quiet and he just passively answers back to my questions. Then after a few minutes of awkward silence he said he has to go to his other brothers house to get something.
    Him: I'll just get something from him from the other side of town then I'll come back here and go home.
    I felt rejected after he said that so I said I need to go home too... We separated at the jeepney terminal and we said our goodbyes(Just a simple wave of goodbye) Then I walked home alone and felt rejected. :tears::tears::tears:
    What a depressing night... My very first date(If you call it that) was a disaster :bang:
     
  11. Deaf Not Blind

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    Dude, I would show any friend a better time than that jerk. He don't deserve a girl or boy friend cuz he is too much into worrying about how he appears himself.

    I am sorry it did not work out, but maybe next date you find the man in person, not online.
     
  12. worriedWardrobe

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    I'm so sorry. That really sounds like a nightmare, but he doesn't deserve you anyway, and not all Bi guys are like that. He's just a moron
     
  13. cm81990

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    So he basically calls himself "bi" because it supposedly sounds more masculine? To be honest with you, I am guilty of saying that exact same thing when I was a little bit younger. I knew deep down I was gay inside but the word bi was less intense and didn't seem to have any stereotypical baggage associated with it (e.g. feminine gay guys). Liking girls or not has nothing to do with how masculine someone is. Sometimes I joke and say being totally gay is more masculine than bi because you only want guys and can't stand anything feminine. Also keep in mind some guys will even insist they are straight, yet have sex with you. You know deep down they are lying and are most likely gay/bi.
     
  14. Omla

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    I think the proem is that the end game of dating(though perhaps distant is viewed by most
    As long term relationship or marriage, and that is quite a complex matter.
    Maybe society and all of us need to take another look at absolute fidelity?

    ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2013 at 02:22 PM ----------

    I think the proem is that the end game of dating(though perhaps distant is viewed by most
    As long term relationship or marriage, and that is quite a complex matter.
    Maybe society and all of us need to take another look at absolute fidelity?
     
  15. PeteNJ

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    Bummer -- really.

    Now you can say the first one is over -- and you're ready for the next guy.

    Maybe ask a few more questions before you meet about "bi" vs "gay"?

    A good guy is out there for you ;-)
     
  16. alex408

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    I couldn't agree with you more. I can't stress enough the importance of learning from each other. The LGBT community is sometimes more closed minded then the STR8 community. The truth is that both groups have customs that can benefit each other. For example, STR8 community promote marriage and abstinence before marriage. The LGBT community teaches safe sex and HIV testing. (This is not written in absolution). It is fact, that nobody wants to be alone. Having said that it isn't a horrible thing if you have experimented with sex during your young adult life. I just wanted to take this time to say I agree with you and that you are right about "the end game of dating" thing. Let us recognize these opportunities to learn from the other.

    -Alex
     
  17. kiltrout

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    That guy is a jerk. Forget him.
     
  18. Jacek

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    Yeah he sounds like a jerk- don't feel rejected- feel lucky you won't see him again... But yeah you can do way better than him:slight_smile: