If you have an alcoholic parent you know what that feels like. I can't focus on my studying even when I'm on my own and I have two quite tough law exams (True / False questions with negative marking applied) and the questions are as always going to be very tricky and require maximum concentration. I can't focus with my father around, he controls most of my life, so I can't just go studying somewhere else without making him suspicious. I've been thinking of saying I have extra lectures so maybe I can get away from him and try to cram something in my head. And it's extremely tough for me, I cannot focus on my studies at all even on my own. If my father is around, and if he's drunk, which is like 95% of the time, I just feel like shit, and he makes me feel like shit, even when he isn't sniping away at me for some bullshit. Like the other day I was somehow responsible for the lecturer not turning up, and he just took it on me. How is that fair? I just can't stand seeing / hearing him slumping, stumbling around with his slurry speech and just being everything a parent shouldn't be. Right now, when I'm really vulnerable and need to concentrate, I just don't know what to do. Not even the promise of a date with someone I'm hoping will become my boyfriend is enough to make me happy and concentrate on studying. I'm just so sick of him.
So sorry man. I lived with alcoholics for 30 years. It sucks completely. They suck the life out of everything around them. Its totally depressing and makes you feel like crap. There is never a good word from them. And they make everything your fault. Absolutely do anything you possibly can to get out of the house to study. You sound like a guy who wants to be a great student -- don't let this get in your way. Go to the library, any library, coffee shop, or where ever. Lastly -- go to Alanon. I got my life back going to Alanon meetings. I realized I wasn't crazy. I realized I was a good, heck, great person. I realized that the alcoholic is sick and there's nothing I can do for them. All you can do is do for you. Peace
I understand how you feel. It can be a real drag. It's not your fault, there's nothing wrong with you, all that stuff. Just know that you're a better person than him, and he's an idiot. I hope your studies go well
I already know, but no matter what I think or how I think, whatever I do, I just can't put my mind to it. I'm distracted enough as it is, my father just makes it impossible for me to remember anything. I have two weeks, and I haven't studied anything, even though I've tried from way before that. I just feel like giving up.
Don't give up Your father isn't worth your time, if you ask me, he's digging himself into a hole. Don't let him drag you down with him. As a wise sponge once said, "Forget about it! The world is your litter-box!"
I'm sorry, I'm on my way out right now (so maybe I'll have a better reply later), but as a student with an alcoholic father I can definitely relate. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me (even if it's just to vent or something).
My father could be considered an alcoholic as well. 95% of the time he's at home, he's drinking alcohol. I can really relate because my father always blames everything on others, especially when he's had alcohol. He gets annoyed at the smallest things, even when I'm talking about something positive there'll be something negative for him to say about it, or he'll be like 'oh, ok' and say nothing else. It can be tough, yes. I just try to avoid him whenever I notice his words are slurry and all, because 1 it annoys me and 2 he's often in a bad mood so no good will come of it if I stay around. I can't say it keeps me from focusing on my exams though, there are many factors that do, but my father is not one of them... Even though you think it isn't a smart move, try to study elsewhere, and try to convince him it's for the good. Maybe show him your good results (if they are good enough for him anyway), so he knows it pays off. I'm not sure how old you are and how dependent you are on your parents, but just try to show it's your own responsibility. If you make that clear and study elsewhere than at home, and still get good results, it should prove to him that he was wrong and he doesn't need to be so in control.
Given the way I was brought up, I am pretty much very dependent on my parents even though I want to cut myself loose, and they try to control everything I do. I am 21, having been pretty much fixed at an early age by my parents, I can honestly say that it would have been more merciful to abort me. I don't think everyone should become a parent, some have such poor parenting skills that they fuck other people's lives completely. Last year he told me that if I passed into the 2nd year he would stop drinking and it was that comment that made me motivate myself, which was almost brain-damaging with all his crap (you're going to fail etc. fighting with my mother etc.). If I failed (and if I fail, because it applies still) I will be kicked out of the course. I somehow pulled that off (studied at home but I could only cram little) getting not only pass-marks, but actually very good grades and he couldn't believe it. (For my part I was happy that I made it, but very disappointed that the person I love didn't make it through.) He never stuck to his promise and was drinking the day after I passed.
I'm getting a big headache, and no work done at all today I'm really, really starting to feel tired about everything now. And it's like I hate everything about myself, ughh I'm so fucking frustrated about everything. Not just the exams, just everything. Why couldn't I have had a happy childhood like everyone around me? Why did I have to grow up in a family that no one wants me to be part of? Why can't I make friends? Why can't I fit in? Why does everyone have to be so selfish and think outside the box? Why does everyone treat me like this weird creature they'd rather not be alone with? Why do I have to put up with so much anger, hurt and frustration in my life? Why me? Not one single day have I ever felt as if I even belonged anywhere. As for that date, it's kind of sad, it might be a date. But someone like me, who's been through so much that they are on the verge of just snapping, will never be able to find someone they can spend the rest of their lives with.
