Hi, So I was living at home for Christmas break for over a month. I was scared and uncomfortable and kind of depressed when I first got home because my parents don't want to approve of me having a girlfriend. They think I just like being with her because I met her when I lost a bunch of friends and was depressed, and she is very warm and caring and they think I clung to her when I met her and am confusing my feelings for her for love. She loves me so much and since then I am afraid of my own feelings. So I went home for Christmas break because I didn't have a job and everyone left where I go to school and I thought I may as well go home and be with my family for the entire break. At first I was sluggish and sad and lonely, missing my girlfriend and everyone at school. Then the past few days I started to feel comfortable and happy to be with my parents again. I started to feel like they were okay with me because they were ignoring the fact I have a girlfriend, and were treating me like they used to. I should have been upset and tried to talk about having a girlfriend, but I didn't. I liked that everything felt normal again so I left it at that. I was happy to wake up, watch TV all day, and see them when they came home. That is literally what I did every day. Now I just got back to my apartment, and saw my girlfriend, and I am scared. Everything feels like a dream. I feel anxious. It doesn't feel like I am really here. My room feels weird. I don't feel like I'm home. I feel like I should go home to my parents. But my girlfriend and I practically live together (we have separate apartments but share items and pets and sleep in the same bed together every night.) Now I'm scared to start doing that. I got used to sleeping alone and although we Skyped every night and fell asleep "next" to each other (through computers) I am afraid to sleep next to her. I am afraid she doesn't feel like home to me anymore. I am afraid that going home had conditioned me to be the "me" that I am with my family, which feels normal. But that isn't the same person I act like here. Here I am different and I am finding little things my girlfriend does annoying. I keep questioning if I find her attractive or not. She is much shorter than me and I am panicking about that too. Do I want the person I am in love with to be shorter than me? But then I feel awful because I sound like an asshole. I don't know what is going on. I feel terrible and scared and lonely...and I want my parents. Why am I feeling such separation anxiety from them? Ugh I feel like a child. I don't know what I want. Some input please? :help: ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2013 at 06:36 PM ---------- Also whenever I hear my girlfriend call for me my heart sinks. What is that about? I want to be alone because I am so scared. ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2013 at 06:38 PM ---------- How do I know if my parents are right about her? What if I like to be with her because she is motherly and I lack that motherly presence here when I am away from them? Am I not actually in love????
I personally think you're just missing your family, but if you feel you can't be your real self around your gf then that may be a problem :/ But if you were happy with her before you left, it's most likely you're just missing your family and having your own space etc I think.
I was happy with her before I left. But now I am worried that I have changed over the period of a month. What if we are no longer compatible? I always worry that if we are apart at all it will cause us to grow apart and break up.
I think you are just torn between trying to please your parents because you think they disapprove of your girlfriend. When you become accustomed to something it becomes safe and we cling to safety especially in times of confusion. You got used to being with your parents and so now you have left that relative safety you are scared. You are scared that to be with your girlfriend means loosing what you have with your parents which you dont want to do, so your brain is saying well maybe they are right, I dont want to give up what I have with my parents just to find out they were right all along and then you overanalyze the situations, well she does this and she does that and this annoys me a little etc until you roll everything in your mind like snowballs and everything gets a little out of control. If nothing changed in your relationship apart from your parents disapproving then I highly doubt you are no longer compatible. I also think that if you just loved her motherly instinct you wouldnt be sexually attracted to her. I love motherly figures but I wouldnt want to go to bed with most of them. I think you need to take some time to settle back into life in your apartment, if that means you have to talk to your girlfriend and ease her back in gently then so be it.
