I'm not sure if I should post this here... it's rather off the forum theme But I'm not sure what to do... So I've been friends with this girl for 4,5 years, and since last September we've been dating. Before that month, we had some kind of fight though, and in stress, we were messed up. My grade in college plummeted and she went out with a guy, which she didn't like. She's a lesbian, and she was a little innocent, so she thought it was ok to be in relationship and she made it clear there will be no touching between them. I disliked this guy, I did not trust him. From what I heard from my very friend, he and his gang tried to persuade my friend to never be friends with me again. At that time my friend did told him she's a lesbian and although we had a fight, she still loved me more than anyone else. Maybe that's why her bf felt insecure, but I found the idea of bullying her to make her cut friendship with me is lowly and appalling. I consulted my other friends, and we all agreed that this guy is not to be trusted. My friend broke up with him too realizing that, and a while after that she became my girlfriend. And now she asked me whether if she can be friends again with her ex. Of course there's nothing wrong with being friend, but I felt very, very uneasy, because i really hate this guy for not keeping his words when he was in relationship with my gf and he tried to break my friendship. And I had the feeling that he still wanted her and he even ask my friend out right after she said she wanted to be friends again. I trust my gf, she would never cheat on me, but I don't trust this guy, ever. For what I know he could be plotting more schemes to break my relationship, and worse, I'm away at my hometown right now, stuck. I need help, please I'm not sure if I should leave it to them or should I watch carefully. I hate being over-protective, and I wouldn't want to ruin my gf's life.
well, if she is smart and loyal she should be able to make decisions for herself if 18. in America it is one point of adulthood, 21 is last one. you don't want to be like him and try to forbid her from ever seeing him...and yet my grandparents told each other to never talk to certain bad influence and they were happily married 43 years. ultimately you can't control another person, esp when you aint around and not married. you can be a best friend not just gf, and remind her of each thing he did to her, then ask her if it were reversed would she recommend you befriend a person like that? yeah, i betcha he's planning to get her. but other than fighting him what can u do? nothing. but if she's fool and ends pun with him, you need to plan what u will do for your own heart. and if she comes crying what he did to her, will you be wise to take her back? best wishes.
She's 20. She's loyal, yes, but way too trusting. That guy was making a fool out of her, anyone can clearly see that, but she didn't know. Only after some of us explained then she realized. No, of course I don't want to be like him. Oh my I can't believe I was being so closed-minded. Thanks for waking me up. I've kind of sorted things out with her, reminded her about the old horrible stuff... but she's still going to befriend him anyway. I know I can't control anyone, not my friend, not my gf, not even my kids. So I left it to her and just told her to be careful. I'd be shattered if that happens. I know I would. But of course, if she were to return like you said, I'd accept her no matter what. Her happiness is my priority, after all. I was wondering if I was wrong to be so nosy and kept them both under my watchful eyes. I felt horrible because I've never been so controlling.
well, now you see how controllingness happens. i know a guy who started stalking women, and asked me for advice how to get her to like him after he got caught! It is better to catch yourself becoming like those you don't like right away then let it continue. there is always a line between loving and controlling. "kept them both under my watchful eyes."....how does that read? sounds like a line out of Orwell. She prob knows you won't ever leave her, so could there even be a bit on her part of thinking she can do stuff and always have a fallback? sometimes caring peeps are used. if she is naive not just pushing it to see how far she can go...which sounds like she is naive from what you say, then as she is adult and you reminded her, ball is in her court now. Just be wary if she wants to do it yet a 3rd time, okay?
Yeah that's so true. Wow I didn't realize that. No wonder it sounds familiar :icon_wink Nah, she won't think like that, I know her for years, remember? I have been used once by someone in the past so I know better not to watch myself. Naive indeed. I'll do just that then Thanks!
