Marriage Of Convenience

hmmm... i think you need to also not lie. Lies are not of God but Satan is the father of all lies, correct? God says fear not for i am with you.

So beyond that, let us say you would never lie, but tell everybody it was a marriage of convince and you are both gay. Next thin, you need to be aware you vow to forsake all others as long as you live. Will you? Both live asexually 70 years? Like any marriage, you will need to discuss finances, child rearing, wills, etc. Pre-marital concealing is a good advice as they find topics you never thought of to discus.

Let me know what you think. I almost feel like the men on there are cowards they may be bad husbands. Im not so timid, if I married somebody I would likely become the husband no matter what. Will you be the man??

 

Which God told you it was wrong?

Gosh, I can't believe what religions do to people. :dry:

 

well, have you read really read what them gay men write on there?
i found the site this summer by accident, was so interested because it is so wrong to lie but they are so scared to come out! i read a couple, and i felt really bad for them.
I can't see myself, personally, marrying a coward. if i married a gay man we would #1 must be best friends, #2, enjoy each other's humor all the time, #3 want to spend hours of our time together talking or cooking or camping anything, #4 we would need to not be grossed out by each others physical appearances, #5 we both need to be similar Christians, #6 we both would not lie to each other...he would know in private i want him to address me as David and use male pronouns and id do whatever he would wish me to say so he felt at home in our home, #7 all the stuff couples should discuss like mortgages and bills and vacations together...

see a lifetime is a long time. my family lives into 90s as a rule. I got 50+ years stuck with him, we better have fun. If not...I could never marry him period.

I dont beleve any of the ones i read would fulfill the minimum basic requirements i stated above.

 

I think it'd work much like arranged marriages in some India cultures.
You both have a role to play, you both know what your part of the role is. You could even become good friends and fall in love (well, maybe not love, but good friends).

I think the big problem would be in convincing people you're in love.
In an arranged marriage you're not expected to show love straight away. In western marriage however, it's expected that you are in love way before you marry.

And if you're "married", then it'll be expected for you two to do functions together as a couple. I'm sure people will work it out.

Without wanting to tell you to go against your god or what you believe in is wrong, how carefully have you investigated your religion? A lot of the bible is up to interpretation of the reader and it may be your priest/pastor who reads it in an anti-homosexual way.

I'm assuming Christianity. One church in my town actively supports the LGBT community by funding a youth support group. I spoke to my mums pastor today (anonymously) to try and understand her churches view on the matter and was told that he is against Christians being homosexual, but as I wasn't bound by those "rules" (his words, my beliefs are aligned with Buddhism) he'd be accepting of me.

I'd also suggest that in your case, how can you express your male side if you take on the role of the female in that sort of relationship?

Edit: I wrote that before there was any replies, but was called away. But it's still relevant as it is.

 

Hi without trying to turn this into a religious debate...
How can you continue to follow a religion that says your supposed to pretend to be somthing that you are not?
I turned my back on religion aged 8 or 9 (my rabbit died n i decided that a god wouldn't cause me to be sad so i stopped believing) I never really bought into it and other than being christened (so that I can marry in a church) I have no connection with religion
so I guess a marriage of convenience is not somthing I would take part in although I'm not really a supporter of marriage anyway.

 

Hum, DNB has a point there: the reason you're even considering this is because you don't want to give up God, but isn't making your marriage a big lie turning your back on God too?

Maybe you need to work on your relationship with God; try to figure out why He has made you like this and what He wants for you. Nothing keeps you from being celibate a few more years to figure that out, I remember you were considering going to help poor children in less fortunate countries?

What I'm saying is, it will most likely be devastating for you to separate from your church and religious community, but if it's the only way to be true to yourself and to others that may very well be the only way to go and what you're meant to do!

 

Who is your God? Is it a Christian faith? If so, do you take all the scriptures as literal? While I am an atheist (former Christian, so I know a lot about the Bible and the religious culture), I have very recently begun to think that maybe religions are not always such a negative thing if people view them more as symbolic and can accept that scriptures have been handed down through hands of men and are subject to man's influence throughout history. Also, have you checked out the "Resources" tab on this website? There is a pretty good article about religion and God. I think it may help. Please, if you don't mind, keep us updated. I am very interested in these topics because of my very religious past and grueling journey, even suicidal at times.

 

If you honestly feel that it is God who is against your sexuality, not societal pressure from within Chrisitanity to feel that homosexuality is wrong, then it is your call.

I will not say that marriages of convenience are bad, as obviously such marriages existed throughout Biblical history and are not condemned, however I would advise that in such marriages both parties would need to abide by how Christians are called to act in a relationship. It must not simply be something you both do because you wish for a cover, but you must wish to enter into this marriage and make it work as a marriage, finding ways to fulfill each other.

Having seen women (and men for that matter) who entered into marriages such as these and still feel empty, I would not recommend it. Not unless your heart was truly in it. One friend in particular does not regret her children, and loves her husband, but despises the physical intimacy side of things and to me that is no way to live life. It is a half life, and I would rather spend my life celibate and single than marrying and living a lie.

You must do whatever eases your heart, but from what you have said I do not think marrying a gay man and allowing each other to act as beards will relieve your sick feeling.

 

um, if your belief is in a god that will keep all pet rabbits alive forever...or that because God doesn't then he don't exist, you never really knew the God she believes in. He loves her, and she loves him, so she is not going to abandon him just at the drop of a hat. What she needs to do is figure out who she is really and how God wants her to live...and she has been working on it, this is just one thread abt it. If you don't want to be a God lover, don't...but don't try to tell anyone who does to leave him cuz you did.

marriage of convince is not Christian.

 

[/QUOTE]
um, if your belief is in a god that will keep all pet rabbits alive forever...or that because God doesn't then he don't exist, you never really knew the God she believes in. He loves her, and she loves him, so she is not going to abandon him just at the drop of a hat. What she needs to do is figure out who she is really and how God wants her to live...and she has been working on it, this is just one thread abt it. If you don't want to be a God lover, don't...but don't try to tell anyone who does to leave him cuz you did.

marriage of convince is not Christian.[/QUOTE]

it wasn't that my rabbit died it was more how it made me feel (he was my first pet and I find that I can connect emotionally with animals where I cant with humans so it was my best friend dying)
what I meant was that if your god or your religion is telling you that living in self happyness and being free from your closet is bad then you shouldnt be listening your beliefs shouldnt force you to pretend to be happy with someone because it will satisfy everyone else or god

 

i agree that she needs to figure out how to be herself, happy, and know that God loves her no matter what.

in the Bible it talks about many different people that were old testament law "impure"...yet what Jesus showed was that the law of God was not to hit you over the head with to feel unloved and bad, it is just to show you that we are not to be stuck up and think we are perfect, so we CANT judge others as lower. We all are equally imperfect. God loves us still. So i hope in her search for herself she will find a way to be a "good" person, that can live with her dignity and head high, and not feel a need to hate God in order to live gay. I think she is getting slowly wiser...it aint easy being a teen.

 

George, Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins? That he came to earth to save you and everyone else who accepts him as their saviour? Because if that is true for you, then this is also true for you. Jesus did not come here to "abolish" the old law. He came to fulfill it. Basically, what that means is that all those nit picky old laws from the old testement, don't really apply anymore, because Jesus has got you. God knew that those laws were too strict for humans to follow because humans are sinners by nature. If you eat pork: sin. If you eat shellfish: sin. Tattoos: sin. Humans are also supposed to make sacrifices to God. Jesus came to earth basically saying "Hey, I know you guys have a hard time with all these rules, so, I'm gonna obey them for you. I will fulfill all of these requirements for you. So now all you have to do is believe in me."

And actually, most of those sins in the bible were there for health reasons. Homosexuality, whether we like it or not, has a higher rate of spreading disease. They didn't know how to cure or treat those diseases back then, and banned the shit out of it. Same thing with pork and shellfish. Both of those are dangerous when not cooked properly. They didn't know how to cook the stuff back then and would get sick eating it. So that got tossed in there too.

Two of my friends are theology students, one of whom is in training to be a priest in the Episcopal church, the other wants to eventually become a catholic priest. If you are still having trouble, I recommend going to a church and talking to a spiritual leader. I would recommend the episcopals, as they are the most open minded of the churches I know of.

[Edit: I'm not actually a christian. But I know a lot of people who are. I'm not preaching to anyone. Just passing along some information that other christians have given me.]

 

George I would recommend something for you to look at.. These two websites are excellent resources..
LesBePure – Christian Lesbian Community
canyonwalkerconnections <-- google

Please please.. take a look at those. Helped me alot.

 

Hey BoiGeorge:

I’d like to preface my post by saying a few things. First off, I believe in God as well. I personally, see no conflict between my faith and sexuality. Also, this may be a bit of a long post but there are quite a few things that I’d like to cover. In a few paragraphs, I may be a bit redundant but I write that way online to try and avoid misunderstandings. It is incredibly easy to misinterpret things over the internet. I’ve also tried to make it easier to read for those that are not interested in a Christian perspective. The Christian part will be at the top and the rest that does not include Christian teachings will be clearly labeled. I want to stress that you should do what you feel is right. However, I’d like to bring up a few points that you may not have considered.

The Christian Part

You state that you believe that God is trying to lead you away from practicing your sexuality. You state this by saying you tried bible roulette (flipping through the bible and stopping at random places). Are you sure that subconsciously you weren’t looking for those types of verses yourself? The thing about bible roulette is that it isn’t really as random as the average person believes it is for a variety of reasons. One of those reasons being that if you have a basic knowledge of the bible you can easily flip to or near a verse that you’re looking for. Do you think there could be a chance that you’re flipping to these verses because you already know where they are?

Also, there are only a few bible verses that mention homosexuality. How often do you flip to verses that do not mention homosexuality at all? Is there a possibility that you stop at other verses as well but you focus on when you stop on a verse regarding homosexuality? Do you think that the confirmation bias may be coming into play here?

Personally, I don’t recommend bible roulette. However, if you chose to continue the practice, I suggest you use an online random bible verse generator. As I explained earlier, the more you read the bible, the more knowledge you’ll have of where specific verses are. This can lead to you searching for these verses yourself and attributing it to God.

Have you ever heard of Matthew Vines? He gave a great speech on why the bible is not against homosexuality. It is a bit long but, trust me, it is definitely worth the watch. He goes over every verse used against the LGBT community in detail.
[YOUTUBE]ezQjNJUSraY[/YOUTUBE]

Also, are you planning on entering this marriage to appear as a heterosexual cisgender female or will you be honest about how you identify? If you’re not planning on lying to anyone why are you considering entering into this type of marriage? If you’re planning on lying about who you are, that would be living a lie. I find it hard to believe that Jesus who once referred to Himself as

would ask you to lie for decades on end. It just doesn’t seem compatible with the biblical portrayal of Jesus to me. In fact, if I remember correctly, the bible is pretty clear on its stance regarding lying. However, like I said earlier, you should do what you believe is right. It is your life and, at the end of the day, you are the one that has to live with your decisions.

The Non-Christian Part
Note: I realize that you state that you are out to whoever asks but if you are planning on hiding who you are by entering a marriage of convenience that basically puts you back in the closet which is why I’ve selected the studies that follow.

I just want to make sure that you know what you’re getting into with this “marriage of convenience” which is also known as a lavender marriage (if you’re using it to hide your sexuality). If you’re planning on hiding your sexualities from the world with this marriage, you should be aware that that can lead to trouble.

I don’t have a link for this one but I attended a lecture from Dr. Robert Trivers awhile ago and he mentioned that living a lie is terrible for your immune system. I don’t expect you to just take that as fact especially since I have no links to support the assertion but I decided to mention it anyway. Perhaps someone else will have a link.

Morality aside, the problem with living a lie is that it just isn’t healthy. There have been several studies focused on keeping secrets, being in the closet, and LGBT life. I will barely be scratching the surface by what I am posting here and perhaps, if you haven’t already, you should look into them. Keeping a secret for decades at a time will seriously impact you in a negative way. This study, entitled The Physical Burdens of Secrecy, which can be viewed on the Stanford University website details some of the problems that can arise from keeping secrets.

It continues on to state the following:

This next study which can be viewed on the UC Davis website does focus on gays and lesbians. However, they’re message of the difficulties of hiding who you are can be applied to other groups.

Coming out and being honest about who you are is better for you physically and mentally if you are in a supportive environment. This link states

I would like to stress that I am not saying that being in the closet means that you’re automatically going to become depressed. There is a strong correlation with depression and being in the closet but correlation does not imply causation. I am merely pointing out issues that researchers have noticed are common with hiding important details about ourselves.

With all that being said, I would like to stress that I have nothing against people that are in the closet. I was not talking about the benefits of coming out to bash on anyone that is in the closet. I’m in the closet myself. In fact, after looking at the research I decided to come out in the future when it is a bit more safe for me to do so.

In closing, I think a marriage of convenience would be a bad idea. I only addressed dishonesty in this post because if you do plan on being honest about who you are I’m confused as to why you need to enter into that type of marriage. I don’t want to speculate on what reasons you may have so I’ll stay silent on that for now. I hope that I was helpful. Please let me know (either by PM or on this thread) if I can do anything to assist you.

Best of Luck!