I am seeking advice. I am a spouse of a man who has stated he has gender dysphoria. He was abused sexually as a child by his stepfather. I feel that this along with abandoment issues from his biological fathe may have something to do with this. I want to know if anyone out there is going through the same thing. Married and yet still have children as well. My spouse feels that he doesnt want kids brought into this with his gender dysphoria. I am seeking advice frorm this side of things. Hope i am not in the wrong place. Thanks for any advice. Spouse
Hi Spouse! Welcome to EC! This place I have been on thinking I may be transgender since April, and there are many who are kind, of all ages here. I am not married, have no kids, and have purposefully never dated because somehow it felt odd to even imagine kissing a guy as a girl. I have had issues with dysphoria through my life, but I did not know that term, or transgender until this April when we got internet at home and I was alone and safe to research. I am sorry you are stuck in another person's mess. This must be just awful for you. I myself was not sexually abused as a child or teen by anybody. I was bullied, but there is no proof any trauma makes someone gay or trans or crazy or anything...maybe just sad. you know? I am glad your husband has you there and actually cares so much about him you are willing to try to undy his situation! wow. If I were married I would love so much my spouse, likely woulda been male, to do this for me. Thank you on his behalf. Has he seen a GID therapist? How long has he felt like girl inside? Did he mention symptoms? And you know he is most welcome to join here and talk with us too. What can I do to help? Oh, you can call me David.
So far just dressing in feminine attire mostly undergarment doesn't like body hair felt this way since teen age time which correlates with the abuse timeline. No specific therapist though therapists knowledgeable on that due to the abuse that occurred. It's been sporadic and then stops though I think I just wasn't made aware last time I was aware was 2006 right around the abuse trial stuff ---------- Post added 14th Jan 2013 at 10:20 AM ---------- I don't wish to leave him as we've been together 14 years married almost four. I'm just trying to find support.
you got support. i bet in a day you will have others on here to offer support too. as soon as i found the word transgender i knew that was my issue, so i did not want to wear girl stuff anymore. underpants are easy as nobody will see them...well, your spouse. hehe I bet that looks odd to you, but if he is trans, I bet I have an idea how he feels. Normal. As a matter of fact, when I one day brought home a bunch of stuff to try on and did it all at once, and looked in the mirror, well you may find that 1st post on here...about May...I stared 10 min. wow! I finally saw me. Now maybe if somebody who knew me saw it they would say I was dressed like a tomboy or too male, but I noticed I no longer looked like a man in drag. Often in the mirror I would try my best to look female, in a dress, and no matter how hard I tried I saw a man. It never changed WHO I was though. I am still very much same me, same passions, and dreams and goals. Your husband is too, same soul you fell in love with. The idea of how far will this go must be weighing on your mind. You fear he may go all the way? Did he say how far he wants to go yet? Sometimes we can go for years just dressing what we feel normal in, but for MTF, well you know that is harder. I am lucky, as I was FTM...and our society in America allows me to pass as tomboy no issue. You may fear what others will say about him too, because you don't want anything to happen to him, right? I really highly suggest he see a specific for gender therapist, not any old therapist. Why? GID therapists, which is what they have been calling them in the States but may change soon, have decades of experience in recognizing true transsexuals, other forms of transgenderism like gender-fluidity, and things that are not true such as OCD or medicine side effects or mental issues, etc. You are so positive that the abuse caused it. I won't say no, because I don't know you, but I know that many on EC have said they were never abused. It could be coincidence. Not related. Likely he has some really sad issues because of it though. I am glad he has someone who gives a care.
As far as I'm aware (and I am fairly familiar with the scientific literature on male sexual abuse), there's no known correlation between male sexual abuse and gender dysphoria. There is a correlation between male sexual abuse and confusion about sexual orientation but it is confusion rather than, for example, sexual abuse making someone gay. Likewise, abandonment issues with the biological father do not have any known correlation with gender dysphoria or with being gay. This is a situation that would be much better addressed with a therapist with a deep understanding of gender dysphoria because it's a pretty specialized area and there's a lot to explore and uncover.
Thanks for all the advice the reason I correlate the abuse is that I feel he doesn't like anything male because of being abused by one and how it would be easier to deal with if you felt more like a woman andalso his tendencies to not correlate it all because he's very much a control freak so to say this isn't bearing weight would mean he's not in control with his life. Just venting here I'm not an expert just from watching him over the past 14 years and noticing patterns.
Do we just go call general practitioner and ask to be referred or do we look up a therapist in phone book? How do transgender peeps find a good GID therapist?
