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this is going to sound stupid but....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MerBear, Jan 14, 2013.

  1. MerBear

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    i'm trying to remember the crushes i had on girls because i'm trying to sort everything out and understand right?
    so i came across a picture of this camp i went to in 2010 and there i saw one of our counselors and i instantly remember having something for her but i'm not sure if its exactly a crush.

    her name was Kim and i remember that she was the cutest little thing i ever laid eyes on , she was 18 and graduating high school and i was kind of shocked by it but i had only been there a week and whenever she was near i would get so nervous , it was the first time being in a camp so i was naturally nervous but she made me extra nervous , i remember always checking her out...and one time we were going to breakfast and i wanted her to sit near me and now that i think about it , i think maybe it was because i wanted to hold her hand since we did blessing at breakfast (how fun) but maybe i'm wrong , anyways whenever she left , i'd kind of want her by my side and i could never really speak to her because i was shy around her , i wasn't around the other girls.
    maybe i just looked up to her , i don't know

    there was also this time when she was teaching this class (bead class) and i wanted to ask her for help , i didn't want ask the other counselor help , just her...i liked being around her. i would always get nervous/excited when i was about to see her.

    now that i have said that , i have a side question....

    i never realized my feelings on girls till last year , it took me until last year to realize that i did have crushes on girls. it's like the feelings i had for girls , totally slipped my mind and i didn't even realize it was a crush or anything now with guys , i remember the crushes i had on them but they weren't as intense as the one i had on girls.....and if they were , i don't remember
     
  2. prism

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    Hindsight is 20/20. :slight_smile:

    Someone start a thread called Queer childhood moments that you might want to look at.

    I smiled when I was reading your story, because the same thing happened to me in high school. I was looking through an old photo album and came across a picture of my bunk mate from a camp I went to in 6th grade. She was two years older than me, and all I can remember is how badly I wanted to be her friend. She and I spent the bulk of our time together, and did things that I only now realize seems odd.
     
  3. MerBear

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    thank you. do you think i had feelings for her or i just wanted to be her friend?
     
  4. TKM

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    Same thing happened to me sort of but with my student teacher a couple years back, I think you probably did have feelings for her, especially since you wanted to hold her hand and be with her all the time, that sounds like a crush to me :slight_smile:
     
  5. prism

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    Hahaha. I can't tell you how you felt. How do you feel about it now?

    When I look at my picture now, I wish that I remembered her name or could figure out a way to contact her. In a way, I feel remnants of the same longing that I felt all those years ago.
     
  6. MerBear

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    well after camp , i looked her up on Facebook and went through her pictures. that wasn't weird at all. i don't know , its been so long. she's still cute , i know that much
     
  7. redstormrising

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    that happened to me after i came out, too. it seemed like every time i turned around, i would remember another girl from my past that i'd had a crush on, and somehow conveniently forgot. i always seemed to know not to mention them to anyone, even as a kid
     
  8. pinklov3ly

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    It could have been just plain ol' admiration, but then again, it sounds like a crush. I remembered the crushes that I had during my younger years one day out of the blue. It was almost like I repressed the memory/feelings, but I'm not sure why. It wasn't like, I was uncomfortable liking girls. I think it was the dreadful thought of their would be negative reaction.

    I used to think those girls picked up on my feelings, but I tried my hardest to not act clingy towards them. However, as I've gotten older, I understand my feelings a lot better. And hey, I'm in the same boat as you, I don't remember crushing on any guys growing up. But girls, oh yes! I think I was just afraid of them finding out, which lead me to live dishonestly for years. I've been out since I was 18, but I find myself looking at guys just to test myself and so far, I haven't had that feeling of "OMG, I wanna talk to him." :grin:
     
  9. MerBear

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    hahaha , yeah.
    i mean it's the opposite , i didn't realize i had crushed on girls till last year. i had to really think about it.

    ---------- Post added 14th Jan 2013 at 06:38 PM ----------

    SAME HERE! hahaha god , i waas waiting for someone to say that
     
  10. pinklov3ly

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    Oh yeah, it was the same for me. I didn't remember those crushes until I was 17. So, right around the time I started questioning my sexuality. And that's when I started soul searching, I had to go back into my past to try to remember how I felt. It didn't take much that's for sure; I couldn't believe it, all the signs were there all along.
     
  11. MerBear

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    i know right. and as redstormrising said , im so suprised i didn't say anything to anyone about them. its weird
     
  12. pinklov3ly

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    I didn't say anything to anyone either. I finally realized when I was 13, in middle school that liking the same sex was deeply frowned upon. So I suppressed my feelings until I turned 17, I couldn't deny how I felt, so I owed it to myself to figure out my feelings.
     
  13. MerBear

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    i didn't think anything of it actually , i wasn't even aware of my feeling until i finally looked back into them last year when i had that crush on Katie and what's weirder is that , i finally questioned my feelings as to why i was having them then i realized she wasn't the only girl i crushed on
     
  14. MerBear

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    this is going to bump up it up , sorry if you see this again but i just wanted to say thank you for answering :slight_smile: