Is it harder to come out if you have no brothers or sisters?

I honestly couldn't tell you. Then again, being straight doesn't mean you are going to have children. They are you parents and love you. I'm sure they will undrtstand.

 

You can still have kids if your gay, even bio kids
Although I do think my parents are glad my brothers straight so they at least know he'll give them grandkids

 

I'm an only kid (and son) -- and while I've already done the be married/have kids thing, I can tell you, that even now, my parents wish for me to find a new wife and be happy. Yes, they equate the two. (of course, I had a wife and was miserably unhappy for years... but thats another story).

But yes, as an only kid I sure had ALL the family expectations on my shoulders. And boy, it sure was harder. I always wished I had older siblings. I mean, I had to try everything, do everything, get in trouble, all of that for myself.

I did more than a few things my family didn't like... heck, I had no clue I was gay growing up, but I sure always wanted to be different and unique. I didn't fit the boy stereotypes growing up at all. Not in the least.

And while I love my parents deeply and feel so loved by them, there has always been a distance between me and them because of me being different and wanting to not follow their expectations.

You may or may not think of your life ahead as a gay man following a hetero normative direction (find someone you love, get married, buy a house, have a dog then kids, more or less something like this). However, if you do, I'm guessing that it'll be very reassuring to your parents.

If that's not the case, maybe think a little about what happiness looks like to you, and share that with your parents when you come out. Deep down, all they want is for you to be happy. Since you say your parents are homophobes, they will have much processing to do. And you, my friend, will have to be patient and have a very thick skin about what they say to you.

If they're like my pretty conservative parents, its not only about you, it'll be about how this makes them and "the family" look. "what will our friends think" -- yes, being different and unique is threatening to their self world view.

I tell you my story and it may not be like yours.

This is about your life. Its about who you are and what you know to be true about yourself. My suggestion would be to find a men's coming out group. To tell a few more friends. To make a few gay friends (if you have not already), before you tell your parents.

Peace

 

l was thinking so actually but not for those reasons.

l always felt like in bigger families where there's a lot f socializing between the siblings and they have mutual friends the person gets accidentally outed sometimes anyway.

l think if that had happened to me l might have been OK with it. l'm not an only child but l was raised as one until 13. lt's weirder to start the conversation with just your parents.

 

i am only child too. i agree at it being weirder to talk to mom about it, as i am only kid. at my age, since she never married, she is okay if i don't and thinks i won't. her other assumption is if i do it will be a man. she also assumes he will be deaf. and she also assumes he can't communicate with her. Mom has a lot of assumptions.I personally would like to be a father so if I do ever marry I would like kids even if adopted. kids are great!

 

I am an only child and since I began questioning, one of my concerns is about my parents because I know they want grandchildren. I also know that being in a same sex relationship doesn't mean you can't have kids, but they're getting older and if I don't stay with my bf obviously things wouldn't be so easily done, I guess. :S

 

it can be unless you're not sure you can trust them. like if they were to get mad at you and they could tell everyone, but they could also give you comfort if you just came out to your parents.

 

Niqk, your "off topic" bit sounds very nice and healthy

I don't know how to answer the question, though. Not having siblings, I don't know how it would feel like; I always wanted them, though. But taking conclusions from the next best thing, my closest cousins, I think it would make for a lot easier outing. However, not because that would leave my parents with the hope of grandchildren (although that comes as a general second reason), but because I would have their support, both in helping me through it and being there as I come out and keeping my parents in check afterwards.

As for the problems from their perspective, I'd say there were, in my case, three groups, in descending importance. First, worries over my, now that I've let go of normality, obviously lifelong pitiful existence without friends, losing jobs, having noone to care about me and later care for me. Just stupid stereotypes, of course. Second, disappointment over not having children, i.e. their grandchildren. Third, fear over what will people say.

In your case, there will obviously either be the fourth, religion; or maybe, that will just augment these three.

But don't ever lose sight of the important thing here: all these and any other arguments that they might throw at you, none of them can be a reason for you to adjust your life over their expectations. But judging from your words, you are clear about that already And well done for it

 

That's a good question! Probably. I've always felt a bit of pressure off my shoulders since my sister is super family oriented and just had a son with her husband and I want to adopt but probably won't have biological kids.

 

Homosexuality was considered a mental illness/demonic choice in my entire immediate and extended family until I came out. I'm the only known gay person in my entire family tree.

But yeah, I would say that makes it a lot harder. Unless your parents know that your sibling is LGBT and gives them hell for it anyways. Then it's just as hard.

 

Inthinknitncould be. I have two younger brothers that are (as far as I know) straight and my parents can "fall back on them for grandchildren.

As least the easy way.