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I am terrified of coming out! Please help!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Imsgaaron, Jan 15, 2013.

  1. Imsgaaron

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I am a 22 year old gay male, and it wasn't until a few months ago that I fully accepted this. I spent most of my life lying to myself and trying to be someone I'm not. I haven't told anyone that I'm gay. I live in a very rural area in Kentucky and gays are NOT accepted here. I know of only 2 or 3 openly gay people in this whole area. Really, anyone who is considered different is looked down upon where I live. Even my family are seriously homophobic. I can't bring myself to tell anyone. I just sit there and listen to their awful, negative comments towards homosexuals, and I laugh along with them, feeling disgusted with them and myself for being such a pussy and not making a stand. I feel more and more trapped everyday. I am in between jobs, and had to move back to my parents house. For one thing, there are no jobs here. But a huge part of me not finding a job here is because I am afraid to. I am so sick of being fake around people, and I know what will happen if I just be myself. These closed minded and judging people will not accept me for who I am, and frankly, I don't want to be in a place where no one respects me or people like me who are different in some way. I really want to move out of here, but of course I have no money, and I would have to find a job and save up. I guess what I'm asking is for some advice on how to come out to my family and people I know. I have lost touch with all of my friends and I am sure they will not accept me anyway. They were also homophobic and prejudiced and I don't know how I could have called them friends. I know I'm droning on and on, but I really need some advice here. Thanks for your time and support.
     
  2. PeteNJ

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    This is too hard, isn’t it. Since I’ve been working on coming out, all those supposedly innocent jokes, snide remarks, comments by my close friends and family really do hit home and it hurts. I have not come out to them and when I do, I don’t know what they’ll say. Some of them I won’t come out to. Others, well they’re family, and I will tell them (nothing worse than being a family secret by telling some and not others).


    Sounds like this could be a path out for you. A great goal. In my coming out process, I’ve realized there are stupid things I’ve been doing to prevent myself from coming out and make it harder to come out. But if I want to be happy, be myself, I’ve got to get past this stuff. You may just have to take a job and “act as if” for a while – knowing that its your way out, to your goal of moving away so you live openly as a gay man.

    All the best, keep posting
     
  3. WeAreYoung

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    If you think your family would have a very bad reaction to it I probably would wait until youre living somewhere else, and maybe write them a letter? So you can get down everything you feel. I kind of wish I'd done that myself tbh.

    For me, I was only ready to come out once I'd found a new job, and new friends and felt that I had a big enough support around me to help me through it. Like you, I had some very homophobic people in my family, and I honestly don't think I would have got through the coming out process if it wasnt for the amazing support from my friends. Above everything I really think you need to make sure you have a few good friends around you. I know its not the easiest thing in the world finding these, but seriously, make that your first priority! Out with the old crap friends and in with the new :wink: Once youre satisfied with all that, the coming out thing will be so much easier, no matter how badly your family react.

    Good luck with whatever way you choose to do it!
     
  4. bingostring

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    I feel for you ... I was in a similar situation at your age... Suffocating isn't it?

    but 2 things will help the "fear" and loneliness - local support from some supportive trusted friends or, if not possible, talking confidentially to a therapist or counsellor to help you figure out how to manage the process (honestly ... keeping it all bottled up in your head will drive you up the wall)

    I would add: Don't beat yourself up for going along with other people's homophobic comments around you .. it is completely understandable ... until you work out you path you will feel in an awkward situation .. but you will find the right path - maybe sooner than you think..

    (*hug*)
     
  5. Imsgaaron

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    Location:
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    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    You are all right, I just have to get past this fear. There is actually no one around me that I trust enough to tell about my homosexuality. The only support i have gotten was online. I have to tough it out for a while and get a job, even if I am afraid of what others might think or say. I guess there's no way around it. Thank all of you for the support!