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please please help me accept myself

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by johnjorgell, Jan 15, 2013.

  1. johnjorgell

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    I'm so tired I can't take this anymore. I've been trying to accept my sexuality for 7 months I just can't. I've had gay experiences with a cousin but straight with 2 previous girlfriends. it ended because they cheated. When I was doing stuff with the guy for a few months I started to desire female companion ship. If I am gay why can't I accept myself. Some days I feel vaginas are the best other days penis is more arousing. As soon as I see a penis in porn I get a strong arousal so strong ot hurts on these days lesbian porn isn't that exciting. I don't want to do stuff with a guy anymore but its like there's no other way. I try to accept myself as gay but I cry and cry about the possibility of never having a woman to love or my own love story its like I don't know anymore if im gay why cant i accept myself. I thought it was something subconscious but the past months i have seperated myself from my family and dropped any religious beliefs since i wasn't that religious. In the road i never look at a guy and say oh he's fine or id give him a bj but with girls i just automatically check them out and lift my shoulders push my chest out so i look tough. If im straight then why does penis turn me on so much just the appearance in porn. Why do i get flashbacks of what i had done. When i do i bite my self pinch and tense my muscless and grip my teeth. Its like i can only really really enjoy porn if there is a penis. But as im about to ejaculate i picture my ex or current crushes naked. Usually after gay experiences i would cry and feel numb and disgusted so i decided to never ejaculate. I've distanced myself away from my cousin whom i did stuff with and don't miss him one bit. He keeps texting me asking for a bj but i just ignore and ignore. Even when we did stuff i would always ask him if he thought his sister would ever let me have sex with her or how big her boobs were. Please guys just help me come out to myself to be bi or most probably gay did any of you go through this. I'm 17
     
  2. J Snow

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    Well first of all, sexuality is very complicated. It isn't anywhere near as simple as just gay or straight. You can like men in one way and women in another or anything in between.

    There also is evidence to support that the average heterosexual identifying male is actually very attracted to penis.

    Authors@Google: Ogi Ogas - YouTube

    I think the important thing to note is that regardless of who you are with, you can have your own love story. I never thought I could fall in love with a man until I dated one for 1.5 years.

    You're young. Give yourself time (*hug*)
     
  3. Kgirl

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    There is a difference between what you prefer to watch in porn and what you like in real life. It doesn't always match. I guess just try and imagine what you'd prefer long-term, like where you see yourself later in life. But I'm in a similar situation so I do understand!
     
  4. Kay

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    I think the first thing you need to do is sort out your own thoughts on your sexuality. You might try working on self-awareness and acceptance. The term questioning you use as orientation tells me you are wrestling and uncertain even in denial. Sweetie you need a hug and here is one. I hope you find a path and walk it and trust. The walk is not easy.
     
  5. Shadowsettler

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    Just calm down. I'm guessing you're young still because you sound you're in a hormone-rage mode. ^_^ If you're scared of being gay, then that might be your answer. Don't be afraid of it. It definitely sounds like anxiety, because why else would you not want to be 'you'?

    I remember one point in my life that I had rage problems because I didn't want to be gay, but yeah... womp, womp~ I had other problems with that though... It just sucks that kids still have to grow up in this type of world.

    I remember what I felt, and it wasn't nice but I got over it pretty quick because both my parents are pretty cool and are fairly accepting.

    My mother is pretty religious, but i'm sure that she would accept me for who I am. ^_^ My dad just straight up doesn't give a fuck, as long as I have all my hens in a row, so to speak... If you're not sure, then just try getting to know your parents better. even after that, get as much reliable advice as you possibly can.
     
    #5 Shadowsettler, Jan 16, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2013
  6. johnjorgell

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    Thank you all and what do you mean if im scared of being gay. Do you mean if im scared then im gay
     
  7. Shadowsettler

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    yeah, it sounds like you have anxiety about it, like how I had (anxiety, anger, depression). I could be wrong though, just let me know and then correct me pls. :3
     
    #7 Shadowsettler, Jan 16, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2013
  8. Kay

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    I don't think you are scared. I think you need to examine your situation and come to a conclusion about your sexuality and accept that. Once you are beyond questioning you will have more self confidence. Hugs
     
  9. Ticklish Fish

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    uh, penis envy? penis competition? idk?
     
  10. Gleeko0

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    Acording to the video, I have a sligthly girly brain xD

    I watched the whole thing, its pretty awesome