So, I am the most passive aggressive person alive. Is that really bad, though? People tell me I have this subtle rudeness to my personality all the time, but it's not always meant as that. It's just how I talk, really. But I know now that when I'm angry at someone, I cannot tell them directly. I can't express my feelings normally. I put them in my bulletins on myspace, my writings on my deviantart, even my status on MSN. But if someone asks, I can't tell them yes. I have to say it's meant for someone else. Is the only cure for being passive aggressive being assertive?
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but if you truly are passive agressive you may have a personality disorder. However, based on what you have included as "symptoms" in your post I would say (write) sounds like you're having difficulty directly expressing anger and other frowned upon emotions. It's okay, that's normal and part of being human. If that is the case I could share with you two things that I have found very effective in dealing with and expressing anger and other such emotions. 1. "I" statements. If you are like many of the people that I deal with on a daily basis, in some fit of frustation you may use such constructions as: "you know what I mean", "you sometimes feel like ...", "sometimes you just want to ..." when really you are just expressing how you feel. In my experience these statements are awkward ways for a person to express his feelings without actually admitting to them and taking ownership (and thus control) of them. Someone asks you how you are feeling it is okay to say that you are angry, mad, anxious, elated, optimistic, numb, etc. And feels great to tell someone (esp. the person in said senerio!) Solution: avoid such awkward second person constructions, using instead "I" statements. It works for me! :icon_wink 2. Power circle/spirit spot/meditation. This one takes a bit more effort but is also very effective. Simply put, in a secure and safe situation with or without people around that you trust completely (this is a must) allow yourself to assume a relaxing position (I find siting on the floor works best), breathe steadly but not too deep or shallow, try not to think (this is hard and I found when I started doing this that eyes closed helped), and when you are not thinking allow your emotions to rise and flow. You may speak them or silently acknowledge them but don't stop them for a second no matter how painful they may seem. Using this technique I have found out a lot about myself that I wasn't willing to acknowledge at first and have greatly reduced my general anxiety. This is how I eventually came out to myself. Interestingly enough, similar techniques are (sometimes) used in addictions support groups. When done successfully not matter how much or little I had to get off my chest, I always felt better in ways that all the words and emoticons in the world can only imitate. I guess it's like being born again. --- Anyways, no methods work for everyone, but I hope that, if nothing else, this gets you thinking in the right direction.
