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i seriously dont know how much longer i can take this. please help >.<

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Nickygirl, Jan 15, 2013.

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  1. Nickygirl

    Nickygirl
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    i told my mom and at first she didnt believe me. i tried to convince her a little but then it started to turn into a big arguement so i just tried to pretend like im not really gay and decided i would tell her when i move out and she cant be mad. then a week later she aproached me about how i had "lied to her" during the discusion. after an arguement that lasted about 2 hours she started to believe that i might be but she is against it completely and i cant have a gf till i move out at 18. then she tried to act like the whole thing never happened and everything was normal. next day in the morning before school she tells me how we are going to work through this and she loves me for who i am but i cant act gay in her house or have a gf while living in her roof. that afternoon my grandma is over and my mom has told her bout it. she tells me the whole "ur to young to kno" speech and then goes on to say that the only way someone can be gay is that its genetic or they were sexually abused. i tried to explain to her that those were just steriotypes that are not generally true. she wouldnt listen to that. i understand the fact that she grew up in times when it wasnt at all accepted and that she believes certain things that will be hard to change. if she had left it at that i would have accepted that and been ok with it while i tried to change her mind and show her that its not true. but then she decided to tell me why she thinks im saying im gay. according to her a personality trait of mine is that i enjoy causing drama and problems and am basically trying to destroy the family on purpose. then she says how my bi friend (whom i have a huge crush on<3) and her lesbian parents are predatory and making me gay on purpose. that was the last straw and it quickly turned into a screaming match after which she left and i went to my room and cried for an hour till my mom got home from work. when she got home she was acting like nothing was wrong and everything was fine. during dinner i calmly asked her wether she agreed with my grandma about why i am doing this and she wouldnt answer and told me that i know the families veiws on it and that we werent going to talk about it. two days of this went by and then she asked for my email password and cell phone lock code. she checked both and when she found no txts from my liz (the girl i like) she took my phone for 2 days saying it was unlikely that i didnt txt her about it (i honestly didnt txt her either). when she took it i asked her why and she said i know why and were not talking about it. i told her that forbiding me to say anything wont make it go away this is who i am and ur not going to change that and she got pissed saying that im only 15 i dont know who i am and god gave me free will i can choose not to be gay if i wanted to im just trying to cause problems and not even trying to be not gay. then another 2 days went by pretending everythinng was fine but it being really strained between us. on sun my grandparents came over and it came up yet again and my grandpa says its disgusting and he doesnt even want me to go on the vacation in march that weve been planning for like 2 years now and he sayshe would break a board over my back if this isnt solved by mon afternoon and he could just go live with one of my faggot friends for all he cares. monday came and my grandma asked about it and the same convo happened again but now not only am i too young to kno and only doing it for drama and cause problems and cuz liz made me i am also doing it cause bisexuality/lesbian is a new trend in teen girls. then yesterday night and today my mom acts like everything is fine and nothing is going on and i know she agrees with my grandparents cause when it comes up she says you know this families veiws on it. i dont know what to do >.< i dont want to live here anymore. this and stuff thats been going on before that i just want to leave. liz even said her parents said i can live with them for a while and ive been really thinking about doing tht just to get away from all this bs and maybe me doing that will show them im serious and theyll think about it more reasonably. but on the other hand if i leave i may never be able to come back. i just dont know what to do i have tried everything please if anyone has any advice i need help >.

    ---------- Post added 15th Jan 2013 at 06:11 PM ----------

    sorry about the horrible spelling and grammar i am kind of distracted and not paying attention to tht but hopefully most of it is readable..
     
    #1 Nickygirl, Jan 15, 2013
  2. Nickygirl

    Nickygirl
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    pleasze does someone have any advice or anything??? :/
     
    #2 Nickygirl, Jan 16, 2013
  3. Shadowsettler

    Shadowsettler
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    Well, from what I understand from this they think that you cannot possibly be sure. Just be direct about it, tell them weather or not you're interested in boys. Honestly, I don't know how you can be sure that you're homo at that age, but I do remember my childhood, it was very confusing...

    I can't even process this right now, too much adolescent rage going on here~ x3
     
    #3 Shadowsettler, Jan 16, 2013
  4. JustARaconteur

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    I've been in a situation very similar to yours, Nicky. I was outed at 16 and dealt with my very religious family over it. I was told it was just a phase; I was too young to know what I was or wanted; and that one of my gay friends was "influencing" me, because gays "recruit." Where our paths diverge is that I was sent to ex-gay camp for three weeks and lived in repression and denial until I was 18 and left for college.

    The only advice I can give you is to deal with your family slowly and don't do anything rash. If living with your friend and her family is an option for you, it may be the way to go. Either that, or just live in the closet a few more years. You don't have that many options as a teenager unfortunately.
     
    #4 JustARaconteur, Jan 16, 2013
  5. Nickygirl

    Nickygirl
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    thanks guys!
     
    #5 Nickygirl, Jan 16, 2013
  6. Shadowsettler

    Shadowsettler
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    You have no interest in boys? :confused: Out of curiousity, because if you're not sure, they can't be either.
     
    #6 Shadowsettler, Jan 16, 2013
  7. The Escapist

    The Escapist
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    Hey hun, hugs! (*hug*)
    I don't have much advice here, hopefully someone else can help more.

    I think most people are aware if they like like people at a very early age, straight people know they're straight because they've had crushes on opposite sex people since they were children. Same thing for gay people, just the other way around.

    Hopefully this is just them being in denial, as in one of the stages of grief and they will learn later and become more understanding. But if it's not, maybe staying with your friend is a good idea.
     
    #7 The Escapist, Jan 16, 2013
  8. Naomilly92

    Naomilly92
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    I'm sorry to hear about your coming out experience. I promise it won't always be like this, I think you need to underline to the family that this is not going away and you cannot change who you are, and then yes, move in with your friend, get some space, be around loving people who accept you for who you are, and at the same time giving your family time away to reflect on things, and hopefully they'll be able to come round, best of luck. I really hope everything works out for you :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Naomilly92, Jan 16, 2013
  9. WinterIsComing

    WinterIsComing
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    IS there anybody in your family that you think might support you?? My mum was very unhappy when I told her. We argued and she wouldn't hardly look at me or speak to me. She told me that I should tell me Dad or that she would if I didn't. It seemed she was looking for him to say it wasn't okay. My Dad was exactly the opposite and said that he didn't care and he just wanted for me to be happy and he supported me. Things with my Mum got better from that moment. I don't know if you have anybody in your family that could be that person for you but it might be worth thinking about. Apart from that, you really just have to give it time. You will become more credible in what you are telling your family the older you get and although it is sad that you have to wait, time flies by and you will be 18 before you even realize it. Moving out is probably not the answer because family are the people that want to keep you safe and that isn't a thing you want to loose. Obviously I don't know your family situation but if this is the only thing that is making you want to leave then I'd advise against it. I hope that helps.
     
    #9 WinterIsComing, Jan 17, 2013
  10. Nickygirl

    Nickygirl
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    yes i am sure. i can think guys are hot and stuff but i never have actually like wanted to go out with them or anything and my boyfriends that i have had it felt really awkward and weird and i didnt want to kiss them or whatever idk. but with the girls i like(d) it is like how i 'should' feel about guys.
    no theres noone in my family except my lil sister no adults and obviously noone cares what ashley says so yea noone at home that i could go to..
    thanks everyone for the support and trying to help!!

    ---------- Post added 17th Jan 2013 at 02:53 PM ----------

    and there have been alot of things before i came out as well this isnt the only reason it just added to the other things and its like the biggest reason..
     
    #10 Nickygirl, Jan 17, 2013
  11. Juggalo

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    My opinion? Your grandpa threatened to break something over your back and your mom had no problem with that. I would get out, I definately would not feel safe there. IMO there is a difference between denial and physical threats. At least bring this up with your school counselor.
    Hope you're ok!
     
    #11 Juggalo, Jan 17, 2013
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