Just as the title says it, I'm now in therapy, well over due. Been really depressed since my best friend died 3 years ago when we were both 20. Its put me in a huge rut and I've been just floating along in life since, without giving a fuck about anything. I am down to one friend, my best friend who died, his older brother. I'm not depressed that I have no friends, think I'm moreso depressed that I feel like I have only one person in my life that cares about me. When he is busy, I have no one. :bang: That was just a quick background.... My first session with my doc went good though, I trust her and she has been helpful already. My next session is this Friday Any how, I feel like this thread is dragging and sounding pointless but bear with me. My doc asked if I had a girlfriend and I hesitated for a second, (in my head it seemed a lot longer cause I was caught off guard) and I just said no. :eusa_doh: I feel completely secure with telling her everything, even things I have never said aloud and just thought to myself but I can't say I'm gay to her...why??? I plan on telling her this Friday because it is a big part of who I am and I want her to know everything about me so she can help me the best she can. So my main question is, why am I hesitant to be open even when I'm in a completely safe environment??? I always say to myself to start being more open and try to get myself to come out but I keep making excuses and scare the fuck out of myself. I want a boyfriend, I want my life to start again. Is my sexuality related to my depression or is it just another contributing factor?????? Any advice????? :help:
I just told my therapist yesterday that I'm gay. It took me 2 months to do so. Sometimes it's just hard to say it out loud even in a safe environment. I would say that your depression is probably related to your best friend's death and your sexuality is just a contributing factor to your depression.
Admitting you're gay to anyone is making yourself vulnerable. You (quite naturally) fear judgment, that you won't be loved. This is residual shame. So it's quite understandable that it would be hard in a first visit with a therapist. Your sexuality (or rather, your process of acceptance of it) is almost certainly tied to your depression. Whether it's the only major factor... no one can say yet. But there's no question that you're on the right track. So yes, tell her next time. And tell her that it was hard to tell her. The more she understands what you're struggling with, the more she can help you. Therapists realize and expect that their clients will take time to trust and open up, and don't judge clients for taking the time they need to feel comfortable being open.
Thanks for the quick replies so far.... I'm pretty positive that I'm going to tell the doc on Friday that I'm gay. When I looked her up I saw that she does deal with lgbt issues which was a factor in choosing her. I just hate that some days I'll feel soooo proud to be gay and plan out how I'm going to come out but then other days I'm like a hermit and stay in my room all day being pissed that I'm not straight. I think of my friend that died and I'm pissed I didn't let him know who I was. Now hell never know and I almost feel like I cheated him out of a better friendship by not opening up to him completely before he died.....urggg, I hate depression.... Getting meds next Thursday though, I hope they help!
