So, as anyone who may've read some of my previous threads or that I've personally chatted with on here knows, I've been seeing a therapist since this past October [forget exactly when, but that's beside the point.] However, being a university program, my current therapist will be transitioning out soon with my new one sitting in on the last two sessions I have with my current one. That I don't mind in and of itself, but I have particularly liked my current one and regret not having been able to speak with him longer [especially since it's taken some time to feel completely relaxed in these sessions.] Now I was talking about this yesterday evening with a friend on Skype and because of the aforementioned, he suggested maybe staying in touch through email. Originally I hadn't considered it, and it's not absolutely necessary, but I'm beginning to think about it. Mentioned it to my mother earlier this evening, but she seemed rather ambivalent. Something about it maybe not being too professional, violating confidentiality, wondering if I intend to become friends with him or something, etc. I can understand what she means, but can't help wondering if she's being a little too cautious. Which annoys me because there are times where she tries to push, motivate or supports one thing but then seems more wary of other situations [but that's another story.] Anyway, while it's not a major thing, I'm wondering if this is inappropriate at all to consider and even if it isn't, as well as that he's fine with the idea, what purpose would it serve?
I don't think there would be much of a problem if you just want to keep in contact with him as friends, or if he's genuinely interested in following up with you. You two can just be friends and share some success stories or tales of misery--whatever you feel like. But your therapist shouldn't feel obligated to follow up with you or continue providing support. Again, I think it'd work best if he's genuinely interested, as friends would be. Keeping that in mind, it might also be important to know what he's moving on to. Is he going to work at another institution or with a different group of students? Is he opening a private practice? He might be too busy to be regularly keeping up with you, but it sounds like a fine idea to just chat with him through emails--if he likes you back
Ask him what he'd think of keeping up through emails. He may or may not be okay with it--it might want to stay in touch, or it might feel like an uncomfortable muddling of work and personal life. Don't let it hurt your feelings if he doesn't want to--therapists have to maintain some distance to avoid drowning in other people's problems, regardless of how much they like you.
phospholipase: Oh, of course. Didn't mean to suggest that it was obligated, as mentioned I wasn't even the one who thought of staying in touch to begin with, but after being given the suggestion I've been considering asking. If he doesn't want to I'd understand. As far as his future plans, I believe his work at the center is tied in with finishing up with his schooling though I either don't know or can't remember what he said about afterwards. Bree: 'Ask him what he'd think of keeping in touch through emails.' This actually sounds like a better way of putting it than I'd been imagining. Again, if he doesn't want to I can completely understand and don't think I'd be 'hurt' by it, I'd actually be more surprised if he was genuinely interested in doing so.
Generally speaking, therapists prefer not to maintain contact with clients after therapy is terminated (at least not unless there's at least a year's time passing) because of boundary issues. The difficult factor here is that the relationship with the therapist, as deep and close as it is, is professional, not personal. Some therapists will agree to do it, either because they've developed a way to maintain the clear boundaries they need while doing so, or because they have shitty boundaries. So it doesn't hurt to ask, but you should also be prepared to discuss the boundary issue and be OK if the therapist isn't comfortable doing it.
While I'm still not a hundred percent certain, having thought about this for a little more today, I'm beginning to lean towards not asking. While it'll kind of suck because I did open up quite a bit to him, doing this doesn't feel that necessary. At the end of the final one-on-one session I'll probably just mention that I appreciate having had the opportunity to work with him and that I regret not having been able to do so longer. Thanks for all of your input though! Anyway, I hope that thinking and talking about all this doesn't mean I'm a clingy person.
I had a therapist when I was in the US for five months this last semester, and I'm still in contact with him through email and phone now that I'm back home. It's not like we have full on sessions, it's just him checking up on me once a week, and it's just temporarily. So to answer your questions: what purpose does it serve? Well, I personally feel more relaxed knowing there's someone I can -- in theory -- talk to, to have someone who cares (or at least pretends to). I think it's more of an "it feels comforting" thing rather than you can actually get the same help you did before. Is it appropriate? I don't know. I know my therapist didn't really do stuff like this before me. He made an exception for me, I'm not sure why.. probably because I absolutely hate therapists, and never find one I really like, but with this one, we instantly clicked. I know I'm never gonna find a therapist again that I feel so comfortable with. I think that must've been why he made the exception. I don't think it's inappropriate as long as it's strictly professional. After all, he/she is there to help you, and if this helps you, then why not?
In the circumstances you describe, Justin, it can be fine. One of the therapists I saw, I continued to "see" for actually a couple of years after I moved out of the area. I'd see her whenever I was back in town (which was frequently), and we did a lot of phone sessions. That worked out quite well for me, as it provided a connection and helped me with getting a lot of clarity on issues at a point I would not have been able to have another therapist (I was traveling a lot for work.) It's all individual to the circumstances and the particular relationship with the therapist. But particularly if the OP is going right in with another therapist, it's likely best to not continue to be in contact with the old one, as it can create unconscious friction for the client in trying to bond with the new therapist.
justinf: Yeah, obviously there's nothing wrong with it if you're only seeing one therapist. But as Chip points out it's probably not a good idea since I'd be continuing the sessions, just with someone else.
Yeah, maybe you guys are right, it may not be a good idea to have two different therapists at the same time. Just wanted to make sure you didn't make a decision thinking it was totally inapropriate. Good luck with your new one!
