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I feel like I can't move forward...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Monty93, Jan 16, 2013.

  1. Monty93

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Kentucky
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm going to get straight to the point. When I first came to college, I met a guy. He's from my hometown and he's one of the greatest guys I've met (attractive, funny, and firm in what he believes). He was the first one I ever came out to, the first one I ever even hinted to that I'm gay. He was there for me for a while. I always found myself going back to his bed to cuddle after long days, lonely days, etc. There came a night, however, when I took it farther than he wanted. He shut down, locked me out, and said there can't be anything like that happening again, because he didn't/doesn't want to be with a closet case.

    We remained friends with little effort. We get along really well. The problem is that I still feel for him. When I'm alone in my bed, it's him I think about. It's not even that I want sex from him. I just want to be next to him, a sort of security I suppose. But no matter how hard I've tried in the past, I can't get him to understand that. I've had a relationship with a guy since then, but I always find myself thinking of him. I'm currently single, and every time I muster up a little courage, I text him and tell him I wish we could just sleep together. Not for sex. I love cuddling, and that's all I want.

    So here's the other problem. I moved out of my dorm this semester and moved in with him and a friend. We have separate rooms and, as I mentioned, it's really easy for us to get, be friends, and have a good time. But I can't help wanting him. I know that trying anything with him would be risky because it could just go wrong all over again. But I can't help what I feel. I'm afraid to say anything to him beside a random "joke" online, because I'm afraid he'll be pissed off.

    I just wish there was a way I could convince him that he makes me feel safe and that all I want from him is someone to cuddle with. Living with him makes it incredibly difficult to act on any of these emotions, but I'm slowly losing my mind more and more every time I hope there is an opportunity. I just need advice. Where do I go from here? I'll be living with him for a while, and I don't want to make anything awkward by acting on these feelings. But I'm afraid I'll go insane if I don't. Help?!
     
  2. Bree

    Full Member

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    Can you tell him that you're feeling really lonely and vulnerable and really need someone to give you a security blanket for a bit? Just asking to cuddle, and clarify that you don't mean it sexually? Be honest. Humans really require physical contact to maintain sanity, and that's something that gets forgotten a lot in Western society--in many parts of North America people don't touch each other at all. Try in the same way you might ask for a hug if you were upset (we do that here, not sure about Kentucky). Puppy eyes are an asset.
     
  3. Shadowsettler

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Western Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm not understanding, What does "taking it too far" mean?
     
    #3 Shadowsettler, Jan 16, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2013
  4. Take it from someone with experience: don't do anything. Cool off and find another way to feel secure, even if you think it's impossible. Take time away and find your own thing to preoccupy yourself. That shouldn't be hard as a college student. You can't rely on him to be there like that.