Hi. I'm going home this weekend, mainly to talk to my parents. I told them a year or so ago that I was bisexual, which may or may not be true, I'm certainly not straight though. Anyway, it came up again in conversation when discussing with my parents whether I should consider moving into a house with some people who are unaware about this aspect of my personality, as I said it would make me uncomfortable living with people who didn't know because I find pretending to be straight very draining, certainly in my own home. So, the first time round I told them, they were pretty good about it, but we didn't really mention it again. This time round, again they're being pretty good about it, but I get the impression that I've 'weirded them out' a bit. My mother says it's because it's all new to her, which is obviously understandable. When she asked me if I was gay, I said I didn't know, but that I was definitely not straight. She said it was probably just a phase, even though I told her it'd been this way for 5 years(ish) and baring in mind I first mentioned this a year ago. I told her that I could see myself being with a woman, but I didn't know if I could see myself with a man, which is true. I know my parents have had all in all a pretty good reaction and I'm v grateful for that, but I just feel so, so sad now. I don't know why. Even though my parents said they still love me etc. which is of course a godsend in itself, I feel ten times worse off for having the conversation. I guess it had to be done though, right? I know I need to deal with this issue as I suspect it's been the root of the anxiety and depression I've dealt with in the past few years. I've been putting off doing it as I knew it would make me feel the way I do now. My course at university is very demanding and I just don't know if I'm going to be able to deal with this whilst maintaining a good standard of work. Part of me wants to defer for the rest of the year and begin the year again next year. I'm not a new student, so it's not a case of homesickness. Am I being too drastic? So basically: 1) Any suggestions as to what to tell my parents when I myself am not even sure whether I'm gay or bisexual? 2) How can I deal with this while studying a very intense course? Should I defer/see a therapist? I can barely sleep and am constantly anxious as a result of how I feel and it's impacting negatively on my degree. 3) If I stay, should I tell my potential future flatmates? I think that could send my anxiety out of control if I do, but on the other hand I guess it would be better now than when I'm already living with them in case they were weird about it or whatever. Hmm. Thanks for any thoughts x
I think you should try and figure out what you think is best for you. Listen to the gut a little, your health is very important. Does your school/university have counselors? Meeting up with one to talk could be a very good step for you. I would not tell your future flat mates, there is no rule saying they have the right to know. Being bisexual does not mean you will automatically fall in love with anything that moves around you. Your sexuality is your own, and no one can claim possession over it, or the right to know that part of you. Your anxiety and depression is something you should try to get help for, because it can get worse if you ignore it and try to stomp on. Do you have a doctor that you can go to? Check out your options, you deserve to be happy and feel good about yourself! About your parents, it is good that they are generally positive, but I understand your frustration over them not getting the bisexuality. It is common though, it doesn`t mean they don`t believe you, they might very well just not have enough knowledge about it. I am sure they will come around in time, and the most important thing is that if you bring home a girl, that they`ll accept that and be nice to her. All the best wishes, and we are here for you!
