It is crazy seeing how many people have come out on here, and kind of depressing. I couldn't come out even if I really, really wanted to. It would just be so disastrous. My mom would have a heart-attack. (she is very passionate about her belief in God and what the bible has to say about homosexuals, plus gays disgust her period) *Also, because my brother, (who moved out over a year ago) admitted to having same-sex attractions (are you kidding me? You're gay too?!) to my mom about 2 months ago. I just found out. And it honestly freaks me out, because *I was the one that was supposed to one day have to come out to my mom (and step-father I guess, but I really don't care what he would say about it, it would all be negative and he would tell everyone). I have been mentally preparing myself for years, planning on at least telling my mom once I had moved out and went to college. But now, she is losing her mind over my brother's problems, and I have no idea what to do. Plus, the only reason I was going to tell her and possibly my best friend was because it will be pretty obvious something wasn't right as I got older, since I wouldn't ever have a girlfriend or get married. (It bothers me so much, people like my mom and other family saying how they can't wait to see my kids inherit my "beautiful *eyes") And now I know this about my brother. Me and him have never talked about any of this, I never suspected it of him and he never suspected it of me, I'm sure of that. We always talk at church and stuff, but he doesn't know I know about him. We don't really get along anyways haha, He is kind of a hard person to get along with (with anyone actually, not just me). But with him, I think he is "confused" or whatever, but I just know about my sexuality. I have never been attracted to women, only men. It has affected my entire life, really since I was at least 9, when puberty started showing signs. I knew I couldn't tell anyone, and am glad now that I never did. My mom would most definitely send me to a counselor or tell our pastor (of quite a large church) that I need to see him about it. Plus, I go to a small-town school so if one person found out, everyone would know, and I wouldn't have any support from friends really, because my only (really, really) close friend left last year, and we never get to talk anymore. And my other friends wouldn't reject me, but there wouldn't be much understanding since we aren't really close. I have come close one time to telling my old best friend,, but there were trust issues so I never did.* Anyways, I have a lot of other problems (all branching off from me being gay) that I really want to get off my chest on this website. Including the guy I thought I was in love with, why I haven't told my (now someone else) closest friend I'm gay, my (extreme) confusions on religion, the fact that I will most likely live un-partnered my whole life, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Anyone that reads this and has some opinions, please share. I have absolutely no one to talk about any of this with.
I am sorry to hear that. Maybe wait a little then, with coming out. Though, waiting a little now does not mean you never will come out. I am sure the day will come, for now remember that your sexuality is yours, you define it, you have to work on accepting it. Hopefully your brother coming out will give them some time to reflect and get used to it. It might not be such a bad thing that he came out first. Give it some time. And keep talking with us, we`re here for you! *hugs*
I'm just going to touch on one part that really bothers me and that I hate for people to say, which is that they plan to or think they will live unpartnered and closeted their whole life. That is absolutely no way to live and go through this life that you've been given. You can be happy and deserve to be happy just like anyone else. You may not have your moms support, but that would be her fault for choosing to remove herself from your life and honestly you are better off without those kinds of people in your life to begin with, whether they are family or not. Sometimes we have to do what is best for ourselves and not try to please others and live for them. It's your life and not anyone else's. As an adult, you are in complete control of it. At the end of the day all you have is yourself and it's not worth it to try and be what anyone else thinks you should be. You have every right to fall in love with a guy and be in a wonderful & loving relationship. You have to do whatever makes you happy and if that means losing people that won't accept you for who you are, then so be it. Maybe someday they'll see their error, but please reconsider the thought of living a lonely life. (*hug*)
(I know what the description says, but I'm only a sophomore in highschool) And well... This is really hard to explain. It isn't like I don't care for my mom or her opinion, we have a very strong relationship. But she would never understand, no matter how much I tried to have her understand. Her (and really, when I reference to her, I mean pretty much most of my family) opinion is that there aren't really "gay" people, just kids wanting attention or people with "serious issues". Really though, I wouldn't even think of hiding in the closet my whole life. It's just I can't even imagine living a life where everyone knew, since a lot of my friends are church friends and even some homeschooled kids (not the most open-minded people). (Lance) I know exactly what you mean, and I understand, but *I couldn't just cut off my ties cause they didn't accept me right away. I would definitely find out where my real friends are though.* (FemCasanova) On the subject of my brother, I doubt she will grow warm to the idea. I can already see it now, with me coming out and her and my stepdad freaking out and calling maybe the pastor, our aunt, saying all kinds of stuff, that there is an "unnatural hold" on her only 2 sons and crap like that. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's what they believe and what would happen. It was so awkward for me, when the other day, we were in the car and she told me about my brother. She was so serious and upset, but she is convinced it's a phase, and he will realize he is sinning and get away from it. (She really doesnt understand) She even had us pray about it in the car, and I'm thinking "holy crap if only she knew".* (FemCasanova) I like the idea of waiting till I move out and can just tell them the truth, but right now I am not coming out to anyone, except possibly my friend C. And thank you guys so much for reading and responding, you are literally the first 2 in my life I have spoken with this about. *Hugs to you!*
Yeah, if you decided to tell her/them at some point, doing it after you move out and are on your own where you can support yourself and be away from that unsupportive environment, would be the best time to do so. I'm sorry your mom feels the way she does. Unfortunately, there are way too many people out there that are blinded by religion, especially when it comes to LGBT people. I think you'll be alright though. Don't let your situation get you down too much, it's only temporary.
I'll be the first to admit that I had it pretty easy coming out. A lot of people (starting in elementary school) had questioned my sexuality even before I knew it myself. And when I finally did tell my family, my mother said she already knew, and my brother and dad handled it pretty well (they always make gay jokes, but in a playful way, not mean spirited). Anyway, my best friend is a lesbian, and while we're both starting our college years, I can tell you she is sort of in the same position as you. I'm not sure how religious her parents are, but on numerous occasions she has told me stories about how her family doesn't like the fact that she likes women, how its just a phase, and how she'll get over it at some point in her life. They tend to say some pretty mean things to her (from what she's told me). I don't say this to scare you or to tell you that's how it'll be if you come out, because everyone's case is different. From what you've posted though, I think the best bet for you is to just wait until you've graduated high school, if you really are uncomfortable coming out at this time. Once you see more of the outside world and get out of the "bubble" you are so use to living in, you may find there are more people you can relate to, and that you'll be in a more comfortable situation to express your feelings. The best of luck to you.
@Lance @FemCasanova @GreenT Thank you so much guys, all the advice given has been super helpful. It used to really tear me up, but lately I have accepted all this and I'm genuinely happy. I just have a lot coming (in a bad and good way) when I move out. So glad it's only temporary!
Well first of if you ever need any help or guidance you've chosen a good place to come, here you'll find lots of info and don't be afraid to ask questions if something is bothering you or if you want to get something of your chest. As for your situation with your Mom, if you think you're not ready then don't do it if you feel desperate only do it when you're comfortable and you have a backup plan if things go the way you fear. For your friends, if they're not accepting and/or negative about gay people then you don't have to be around them if they make you feel uncomfortable try to make new friends that are more accenting if not by school then by other things such as clubs, hobbies, etc. don't make the mistake I did which was creating distance between me and other people just for the fear that they would find out I'm gay. I was lucky enough to make friends who are very accepting and non-judgmental like other people, try to find friends who are accepting and understanding no matter what because those are the kind of people you'll want to be around and have around.
@shovelman I wish it was as simple as just finding the right, accepting friends. I really do have some great friends, just not open-minded ones. And the ones that are, I don't have a truly close relationship with. I mean, the one friend I come closer and closer to coming out to everyday is very serious about her Christianity. I know her well enough to know that she would come to understand though. She might go a little preachy but I can handle that 100%. I'm sure that once I "leave the nest" I will surely find some relatable friends and people. Thanks! For anyone else reading this, I would still appreciate all the opinions and advice possible <(*~*)>
