Ok, so I'm having a small (well not that small since I sought out a forum) problem. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years, and we've been living together for 3 years. I'm 21 years old, but because of family situations my boyfriend and I live on our own renting a house from his parents. He's really the first "real" boyfriend I've had, and we've been together since we were 17 and have known each other since we were 12. I love him, we've talked about marriage seriously, we want kids together, we even have pets together now (our fur-babies as we affectionately call them). I've never been attracted to women before, actually the idea of actually kissing a women repulses me, but I've always had very close friends who are gay/ lesbian/ bi etc. Basically what I'm trying to say is I have no problem with being a lesbian or bi and no problem coming out if I was...I just don't know if I am or not. Like I said, I've always been a big advocate for gay rights etc., I just always thought that I was straight. That's not the issue. The problem is I have a good friend, that's almost twice my age, that I met through school that I'm strongly attracted to. I thought it was just a "girl crush" at first, but I've never heard of a girl crush lasting for a year and a half. And my feelings have only gotten stronger. She is a lesbian, and has recently been having problems with her girlfriend who also recently moved out of her house (which as wrong as it sounds made me a little excited). I just have no idea what to do, I've never had a crush on a women before, and I've also never had a crush that lasted this long. I talked to her about it (obviously did NOT mention it was her...I told her it was a girl at my new job) and she said to not limit myself and see where it goes if I really like her. The problem is I do have a boyfriend that I love and I don't think I'd be willing to sacrifice my relationship with him to experiment, but I'm also feeling a little resentful because I've really only been with him and I feel now that I'm about to graduate college that I haven't really gotten a chance to live my life. I mean, I've had a boyfriend since my junior year of high school and I'm now a college senior. I just wanted to hear what people had to say on this matter...I really like hearing other people's opinions, it usually makes me think about things I never thought to think of. So please tell me what you all think. Thanks
Well first off, have you talked to your boyfriend about the fact that you may be questioning? And is he the type of guy who would be understanding about something like that? As for the idea that kissing a girl repulses you, when I was first questioning myself I felt sort of like that which is what confused me. I did eventually get used to the idea of kissing girls and like it but for a long time I was actually repulsed about the thought of doing anything sexual with another girl (at the time I identified as bisexual). And again as time went on I got over that (obviously seeing as I am a lesbian lol). It seems like you're in quite a difficult situation. If you have the type of boyfriend who you can sit down and talk to him about this and he would be understanding then I would suggest talking to him about this. You don't have to mention having a crush on a specific person but just say that you've sort of been questioning things. But definitely don't just repress these feelings just because it may seem easier given the situation. There are plenty of people on here who did that and are now in their 40's and 50's and are in marriages and finally realized what they really want and who they really are and it's even more complicated to deal with at that point. So I definitely suggest trying to figure things out as soon as you can. And no one can really tell you what or who you are so it'll take a bit of time and soul searching. That's the best advice I have. Good luck with everything. If you need to talk send me a message.
I understand where you are coming from. I am 25 and I have been in relationships with men (with only a few months of being single here and there) since I was 18. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years a few months ago. At the time, my reasons were not strictly related to my sexuality however I have since some to find our break up to be some what of a relief. I really think you need to be honest with yourself about your feelings. Really take some time to reflect on your thoughts. If you stay in this relationship with your boyfriend will your curiosity and interest in women grow stronger? What if the feelings and emotional connection with this woman continue to progress? What might happen if you stay with your boyfriend and something similar happens later... will you continue to wonder but may have been if you had broken up several years earlier? Sounds like you need to do some serious soul searching. This is one of those things were no one can have an answer for you... you have to come to it yourself. Kind of similar to me, I'm unsure...
Thank you guys. I'm unsure how my boyfriend would react...not badly to the fact that its a girl I don't think, but probably badly to knowing I have a crush on someone else. Like I said we are in a very serious relationship which is different than most people my age, but I'm also in a very different living/ family situation than most people my age which is why I've always been friends with people older than me. I just have more in common with them. I don't even know if it counts as questioning my sexuality, I've always kind of believed that there's a scale of being gay to straight and most people fall somewhere in between, rather than being fully gay or fully straight. It's just this one person that I've had feelings for which also confuses me. I don't know, I really just need to try to figure everything out. I don't think ill actually bring it up to my boyfriend unless it becomes more of an issue.
Well with me it started with a crush on a close friend in high school and it snowballed from there. But definitely just take the time to figure it out in you own head before you say anything to your boyfriend.
