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I should have been more careful...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GlindaRose, Mar 1, 2008.

  1. GlindaRose

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    It all started with a TV series. 'The L word' to be exact. I'd found out about it via another website and was dying to watch it. So this weekend I'm out with my grandparents and sister, and we were at home doing nothing so I sneaked onto the computer and start watching it.

    Guess who walks in on me? My sister. I'd already considered this might happen, but I didn't actually think she'd have a reason to come in here so I'd assumed it would be fine. But no...she started questioning me about what I was watching and I ended up with no choice but to confess it was a lesbian TV series.

    I didn't out myself about my sexuality, but she did say (This is not the first time by the way): "I swear you're a lesbian". Meaning: She suspects me. She tried watching it with me but about 5 minutes in she was like, "I don't know how you can watch that stuff" and walked out.

    I know that a possible reaction should be to just come out to her, but I can't; I'm too scared, and I'm not ready yet. I don't know what to do because this is the first time I've been *nearly* thrown out of the closet, and I don't know what to do...
     
  2. KatoKumi

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    I don't think she has a right to choose what you watch. And I don't think she has a right to look down on it. Is she younger or older?

    But the main thing is like, what are you gonna do next?
     
  3. GlindaRose

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    She is younger than me. She is 13. Partly why I don't want to come out to her. And this is the thing; I don't really know what to do next. My instinctive reaction is to withdraw and start acting really secretive, but this'll make it really obvious that something's up...
     
  4. iPieman

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    I used to sit watching Queer As Folk with the remote in my hand ready to flick the channel in case anyone came downstairs and put 2 and 2 together.
     
  5. KatoKumi

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    Well you're older. I'm sure in that region you have authority over your little sister. You need to set it straight that it isn't her choice what you do and watch. Idk, that's just me.

    If you don't want her to find out, just act like nothing changed. That's what I did with my brother [Except he's older]. They're just your siblings, normally if you're weird, they're family, they've seen you in basically every state of your life, right?

    So I'm sure she won't suspect anything.
     
  6. GlindaRose

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    You know, I would absolutely love to say that she doesn't suspect me, but after all the clues she's dropped, I'm pretty damn sure she does. This must be the 5th time she's said 'I swear you're a lesbian' - exactly that sentence. And as for having authority, well I am passive by nature; I'm not a natural leader, not to mention I'm far too nice to her the whole time but there's nothing I can do because if I were to raise an argument about this, it would probably make it look even more suspicious than it already is.
     
  7. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    Well, you could try and say you're not watching it for the lesbians, but just because you like the characters and the drama and whatever. :S although, I don't know if this will stick with her. Anyone who knows the L Word knows that it really is very lesbian. Very lesbian.

    If you're sure she knows could you just talk to her about it? Maybe she'd be supportive if you came out to her? It depends how mature she is and how good a relationship you have... At least you're already out to your Mum, so she can't out you :slight_smile:
     
  8. GlindaRose

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    Thanks everyone but let me just say this: the idea of coming out to her really scares me at the moment. I don't know why, I mean her reactions aren't that homophobic, but emotionally I just don't feel ready to tell her.

    *Sigh* damn this seriously addictive TV program...
     
  9. biisme

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    Well, if you don't feel ready, then don't force yourself out.
     
  10. MusicIsLife

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    siblings can be cruel, so only do it when you feel totally comfortable with telling her.

    im totally addicted to The L Word btw :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: i recently finished watching season one, but i wont say any more, i dont know where you're at in the series :grin:
     
  11. beckyg

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    Funny (well it really isn't) but your mom thinks you are in a phase while your sister is swearing to you being a lesbian. This may be the right opportunity to just come out.
     
  12. Vampyrecat

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    I think that, if you don't feel ready to come out, then quite simply, you are not ready to come out to her. If she continues saying that she "swears" you're a lesbian, ask her for reasons and then explain to her that just because you may or may not fit a certain stereotype that does not make you anything. Cos really, that's all she's doing. She's stereotyping you to her image of a lesbian. And we all know stereotypes aren't actually real.
     
  13. Zec24

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    As some others have said, just do what feels comfortable to you. I can understand why you wouldn't want to tell her right now. I have chosen to hold off telling my 14 yr old brother until he's a little older and more mature. Younger siblings can be unpredictable at that age, you might be worried she'd open her mouth without thinking. Even though you're out to your mom, maybe your not ready to be out to your school?

    Of course, with my brother I just beat him up most of the time to keep him quiet (jk, I don't really). I have an almost 8 yr age gap though so my authority is pretty well established that and I don't live at home and I don't care if my former high school knows.

    Just tell her when you feel comfortable. She can only speculate until then.
     
  14. Cheese Love

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    Wow, you have no idea how similar this is to my life and my 13 year old sister. By the sounds of it, she knows, which is exactly like how mine knows.. And this is just like how myyy sister caught me watching The L Word, OR LOGO, OR Queer as Folk =/
    Yeah, I've been through this a couple times.

    Although she's 13, and that she probably knows, and could possibly be okay with it (?), there's still an emotional maturity for any thirteen year old to handle something like that- and most of them don't have it.
    But then again, I don't know your sister, you do.

    So, do what feels right :grin:
     
  15. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    I wonder how many teenage lesbians have been outed by their addiction to the L Word? I bet loads. I currently have to hide my DVDs every time my Mum comes in - she already knows I'm gay, but I'm not sure what she'd think of the L Word :lol:

    You could just ignore her. If she thinks you're gay: so what? Your Mum already knows. It might just mean that when you do come out to her it'll be easier. Couldn't you just try and ignore her, because it doesn't really matter what she thinks?
     
  16. Ak911

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    I am the youngest and I when I came out to one of my sisters it was the hardest thing ever because I was unsure of her reaction. She was molested as a child and is very conservitive now in reguards to sexuality and whatnot. Not homophobic just reserved! Anyway it took me the right time and right moment with her. Don't worry, I was the youger sister. And I don't think she will really out you, cause that means mom and dad will ask her a lot of questions she doesn't want to answer. And you said you came out to your mom already, even if she just thinks you are in a phase, at least she "already" knows. Good luck. Don't worry. And next time, have another window ready to be clicked on really quickly if someone walks in the rooms. Maybe it will keep you from getting caught. Good luck and remember, no matter what, your family loves you, especially your little sister. Trust me I know, I am the little sister!
     
  17. GlindaRose

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    Hey everyone: thanks for the advice. I think I'm going to hold off telling her but am not going to kill her for speculating or anything...she's given off seriously mixed signals as to whether she's ok with this kind of thing or not.

    For that matter, I have a plan in mind, although I can't do it until the easter holidays because I need my friend (1st one I came out to) to be my assistant. The plan:

    1.) Get friend over to my house for sleepover.
    2.) Get friend and sister alone together (I'll probably be in the shower or something)
    3.) Get friend to drag the topic of conversation to gay people
    4.) Friend asks what sister would think if I said I was gay
    5.) Friend reports sister's answer to me.

    Hehehehe I love scheming...
     
  18. Quitex

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    not to kill your idea, but....
    6) Sister asks you if you're gay in front of your friend
    7) You'll either come out or lie, your decision.

    :frowning2:

    Now I feel bad
    :tears: :tears:
     
  19. ccdd

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    I think your idea is a really good one - sussing out your sister - but, as above, these are considerations. You've also got to think about the fact that if your friend brings it up, then that will be ANOTHER reason for your sister to think you're gay ie the game might be up.

    But more generally, if you do not feel comfortable, don't come out - remember, you have years to come out, but once you're out, you can't retract. Good luck whatever you decide!!

    (and a thought: how secret do you think your sister would keep it??)

    Also - when did your sister's comments start?? You don't think there's a possibility that your mum has told her and that she is hinting at you to tell her because she wants you to come out to you? Just a thought.
     
  20. GlindaRose

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    The comments definitely started before I told my mum. I think it must have been sometime last term when she first said 'I swear you're a lesbian'. Now she's said it several times..makes me worried. I don't think mum's told her; I swore her to confidentiality and she doesn't tell other people's secrets. I'll take those 6.) and 7.) points into consideration, thanks for pointing them out!!