I'm the one in the closet (door is getting somewhat ajar true, but it's like a little at a time) and he's completely out. If we pursue a relationship, would it be advisable to be out immediately? I know that my parents will have a big issue, but I don't care what other people think, which is why I don't mind the other people finding out. The person I like is very open, and he likes to talk a lot about his private life to his friends so I'm quite certain that he won't like a relationship with me, unless I am out. I don't mind if my friends know, but first my parents have to know because if other people know, my parents will find out immediately. I really need to talk to him about this. Oh well Thoughts?
Personally, I tend to avoid relationships with closeted guys, but that doesn't mean I will rule them all out. If the guy acts as though he isn't closeted (i.e that he doesn't care, doesn't mention it much, doesn't make it look like it rules his life), then I might consider it. The issue I have with closeted guys is that quite often, everything becomes about it. As a result, the relationship usually suffers. So long as he can keep his cool and realize I don't want to talk about it all the time, then yeah I'd probably give him a try. I would want him to come out eventually though, but I'm willing to wait, so long as it doesn't take forever. All the best.
Honestly, yes. Any relationship can work, it just takes sacrifice and work from both involved. I've tried dating a guy in the closet, and it worked for the most part because we were from two towns about 30 minutes apart. So we'd go out and not see anyone we knew. But, I do have to agree, it can be tough because its hard to keep it a secret. Especially if you live closer/in the same town. You should want to come out when you feel comfortable, not because you are feeling pressured to do so for the sake of your relationship. If a guy asks you to do that, then I feel that it's not a good idea. I've met people like that, and once they change one thing about a person, they continue to try to change them to fit their idea of perfect. A relationship is about two people who learn to respect and care (eventually love) each other, including the flaws and talents. I was engaged before the military, and we were together for two years total. I'd like to say that it was one of my better relationships, but it wasn't. He was very insecure, but we worked through it together up until we broke up (long story lol if you wanna hear it just ask). Now, I am in no way saying all guys are like that. I just personally believe that if someone feels the need to pressure their boyfriend/girlfriend to change, then they need to change themselves first to become more accepting of the diversities people share.
It certainly can. It is more complicated. Sometimes awkward but it can work and grow. You do need friends to whom you are both out.
The issue is that I don't want it to ruin a potential relationship but I think it's best if we both see where this is going anyway. He'll probably want to meet my parents at some point. FML, my father is an alcoholic and their marriage is in shambles. It's kind of like the I don't care much about it, and I will admit it to anyone who asks, but my parents, father in particular, I know will react badly. I just need to find a time when he is best able to handle it, certainly not whilst drunk.
A relationship like that can work, but usually it's a bit unbalanced and unfair to the person who is out. Eventually they get tired of being in a secret relationship. You typically have to do things together on the side or in secret and lie about a lot of things for the times you are together. If family/friends meet him at some point whether intentional or by accident, he'll probably be introduced as a friend, which hurts. I personally wouldn't want to date a closeted guy.
I never said the relationship would remain completely in the dark, give me a chance :rolle: I've come out to two other people recently, and they're not even my parents, and it felt so hard for me. The one being in the closet, emerging or otherwise, doesn't have it easy. At all. Yes I know it won't work long term, but short-term, maybe after a few weeks. Both my parents are very dodgy at the moment and it is suicide to tell them just now.
Well I didn't intend for it to sound harsh, I was just stating how I felt about the subject. And for short term, it's definitely doable.
It can be difficult. I'm currently in a relationship with my boyfriend. I am the one still in the closet with my family. All of my friends know and some of my co-workers know, so that makes it easier. It's hard because I spend a lot of weekends away from home, staying over at his place. As a result, I always have to come up with creative excuses for my parents and this can be stressful for me at times. My boyfriend also worries about me sometimes and my situation at home, so I know it's hard on him at times as well. My best friend is a lesbian and she and her partner have been together for a few years and are in a similar situation. We've discussed our respective situations and it can be difficult, but what makes it easier is the understanding and communication between partners. There must be an understanding that the other person who is in the closet will eventually come out. My boyfriend knows that I intend to move out and come out to my family before the summer. I dated one guy in the past who told me he wasn't sure if he would ever come out of the closet and that ended up being one of the reasons why I had to end it. I knew I wouldn't be able to sustain a life long secret relationship with him. We had a difficult enough time just trying to go on a first date. A relationship is possible, because I'm doing it right now, and it's a long distance one too. We've been together for a few months now. It's not easy though. There will be bumps and some stressful moments along the way, but if both people are strong enough and understanding, you should be able to make it through. Good luck!
