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Coming out letter, critique please

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JR08, Jan 17, 2013.

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  1. JR08

    JR08
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    Hello, I don't post much on these forums but have wrote a coming out letter to my parents that i plan on giving them and would love some input on it. In the letter i am also trying to explain why i am taking only one class in the spring semester. If you see anything that needs to be fixed or a point i should clarify please criticize it! (you wont hurt my feelings) Thanks much!


    Dear Mom and Dad,
    First i want to preface this by saying that i love you both, and the support you have given me has been incredible and i could not have asked for more loving, kind and respectful parents.The reason I'm writing this letter is because I'm ready to tell you something that i have been hiding for years. I have been battling with this for a very long time, questioning myself whether it was real, and hoping that it wasn't. For the last couple of years i have been very unhappy about it and insisted on ignoring it rather then facing it. The fact is, I'm gay. You may have suspected this for awhile, or maybe had no idea. I have known this for awhile now, but only started accepting it recently. For most of college i tried to deny this, and change it which lead me to being very unhappy with myself and led me to closing a lot of people out of my life. Recently however i realized that this is never going to change and that i have to accept myself before i could ever start to move on with my life. Accepting myself has been a struggle but i am becoming more and more okay with it everyday.
    Suppressing this part of me led me to really struggling with the idea of what i wanted to do with my life, since i was unhappy with where i was, i couldn't see a future where i would be happy either. However since i have started to accept myself, i am starting to see a future where all the things i have always wanted, to get married, have kids, and have a successful career are still possible. Before i can do any of that though, i need to accept myself and work past this so i can concentrate on my future. The last couple of semesters the stress of accepting myself, trying to do well in school, and working have been too much and have led me to feeling completely overwhelmed. The stress of this has led to all facets of my life suffering, and my focus has not been on school. I can't continue taking a full slate of classes while im not fully dedicated to school. So this spring i am taking one class which will leave my registration open and allow me to finish next fall. There is also an organizations on campus that have been a huge help to me and this will allow me to still access their help.
    I want you to understand that i am no different now that you know i am gay. I am the same son you have loved and raised, now you just know a little more about me. I hope this can also help me start to open up more about things with you, i know i have always been hard to talk to about these things. This is because i have always found it easier to bottle these things up then to face them and deal with them. I'm working to not do that anymore, i want to be able to talk about these things with you. When we talk about this face to face its going to be really hard for me to be open, but i want you to know that I'm trying and it will be difficult, as i know it will be for you as well.
    I know this is a lot to deal with at one time, and i know having a gay son is something that you may not be okay with right away. It took me a long time to be okay with it i understand if it takes you time as well. I viewed this as a bad thing for a long time and understand if that's your initial reaction as well, but i hope through time this is something that you can accept and be proud of me for. Lastly, i just wanted to make sure that you both know that i love both of you, and couldn't ask for better parents.

    Love,
    Your Son,
    XXXXX
     
    #1 JR08, Jan 17, 2013
  2. bingostring

    bingostring
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    its a beautiful letter.

    it brought a lump to my throat and I do not even know you.

    I never outed myself to parents. [Now deceased ]. I wish I had been able to say the same to them.

    But I once wrote and outed myself to friends. In those cases I wish, with hindsight, i had done it face to face it would, or might, have been better.

    I am not sure about this because everyone is different . If you are happy with the letter approach I would definitely go with it and would not change it at all.

    Best of luck.
     
    #2 bingostring, Jan 17, 2013
  3. JillandJill

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    Beautiful. Perfect in my opinion, I can't imagine anybody not hearing you out through that
     
    #3 JillandJill, Jan 17, 2013
  4. mothcaterpillar

    mothcaterpillar
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    I think its well written and well informing
    I really.need to.write one of these myself
    Good luck

    ---------- Post added 17th Jan 2013 at 10:06 PM ----------

    I think its well written and well informing
    I really.need to.write one of these myself
    Good luck
     
    #4 mothcaterpillar, Jan 17, 2013
  5. Ditz

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    I can't think of anything to add... Hope it all goes well with our folks, holding thumbs for you!
     
    #5 Ditz, Jan 17, 2013
  6. Crazyguy

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    Excellent letter JR08. I wouldn't change a thing. Let us know how it goes when you send it to them.
     
    #6 Crazyguy, Jan 17, 2013
  7. BubbleGumNinja

    BubbleGumNinja Guest

    It slapped me in face, and I think I was about to cry. That is a beautiful letter, please don't change it! I hope it works out between you and your parents. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 BubbleGumNinja, Jan 17, 2013
  8. Rachael222

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    This is lovely, wish I could have thought of something like this myself! Well done and good luck :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Rachael222, Jan 17, 2013
  9. JR08

    JR08
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    Thanks everybody :slight_smile: I'm giving it to them tomorrow, and honestly if they react poorly to it, i will still feel better now that they know...
     
    #9 JR08, Jan 17, 2013
  10. BubbleGumNinja

    BubbleGumNinja Guest

    I'll be praying for you! :slight_smile: (and if praying ain't your thing, then fingers crossed for you!! :lol:slight_smile:
    (*hug*)
     
    #10 BubbleGumNinja, Jan 17, 2013
  11. PeteNJ

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    Great, JR08, really.

    Question -- are you sending them the letter or are you giving it to them or reading it to them while you're with them?

    I've had a couple gay friends say that reading it to their parents helped.

    All the best, Pete
     
    #11 PeteNJ, Jan 17, 2013
  12. Calico

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    Hope it goes well! It was a beautiful letter, absolutely beautiful.
     
    #12 Calico, Jan 17, 2013
  13. mnguy

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    Hey JR08, wow, you wrote what I've been thinking about for a long time, but have never gone through with. You are honest and kind and that's all you can do. You can't control how they react, but I really hope they will react with love. Let us know how it goes. Sending you a hug from a fellow Cheesehead (I grew up in southern WI) (*hug*)
     
    #13 mnguy, Jan 17, 2013
  14. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    I don't know if it's important to you to have perfect grammar, but this is how to fix it if you want to. Where "I" is bolded, it needed to be capitalized; I'm sure you knew that, but I fixed it just in case, and because I am a nitpicky, compulsive copyeditor. All my changes are bolded and the the stuff [in brackets] is my comments, not to be added to your letter. The paragraph breaks are recommended.

    In terms of content, I think your letter is excellent. You don't need anything else. Most likely, they won't mind the grammar if you send it to them as is, but since you asked for input, here it is.

    ~Ianthe

    Here's how it reads without the markup:

     
    #14 Ianthe, Jan 17, 2013
  15. JR08

    JR08
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    Thank you for the corrections! While i excel most areas of school, correct grammar is not one of them. I made all the changes you suggested, thanks again for taking the time to do that!


     
    #15 JR08, Jan 18, 2013
  16. The Escapist

    The Escapist
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    It's perfect. I don't think grammar matters, whatever is your style. They're probably used to it, it's personal anyways so I'm sure they will understand. I get it if you want to change it, but it's fine.
     
    #16 The Escapist, Jan 18, 2013
  17. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    No problem, I get a sort of sick satisfaction from redlining. :icon_wink

    I'm glad you found it helpful. Let us know how it goes!
     
    #17 Ianthe, Jan 18, 2013
  18. JR08

    JR08
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    I just wanted to say thanks again to everybody, i gave it to my parents, they told me they had no idea but were okay with it. We then sat down and talked about it, what it meant for my future, and i answered some questions they had. It ended with them essentially telling me that if i ever needed help they would be there for me and if i wanted them to be there when i told other people they would help me, whatever i needed they would help me with.

    Before giving them this letter i had imagined a best case scenario in my head of what i would hope their reaction would be, their response may have actually topped that. I couldn't believe their openness, and understanding. For the first time in 4 or 5 years i feel like i can concentrate on something other then being gay. Gay is no longer who i am, only a part of me as a whole. It is like the weight of every worry i have ever had was just lifted off of my shoulders and i can finally just be me.

    I wanted to thank everybody on this website who constantly posts advice and helps the numerous people out that are looking for support. I didn't ever really post much, but i was constantly reading the other threads and it really helped to know that other people were going through the exact same thing as i was. THANK YOU EVERYBODY. T
     
    #18 JR08, Jan 22, 2013
  19. Appley

    Appley
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    That's brilliant, well done. I'm so pleased they responded well. Your letter was brilliant, really touching.
     
    #19 Appley, Jan 22, 2013
  20. Lewis

    Lewis
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    Amazing letter and I'm so glad it went well. I hope to be able to do this soon, but I just can't imagine what their reaction will be like. They're not homophobic or anything, but I know it'll be quite hard for them to accept having a gay son; more so because of the expectations they've built up for me.

    You're story has helped me build some confidence and I just have to get writing. I definitely need somewhere to stay when I leave the letter in the house. I couldn't be there knowing that they are reading it...
     
    #20 Lewis, Jan 22, 2013
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