Being gay sucks

wow first let me just say you are definitely not alone and I know you are like here we go the im not alone speech but I'm not going to do that to you but its true there are many people here including myself who at one time hated themselves because of who they are and were in a deep depression in fact I bet many still are I know that while I've gotten past the I hate myself point I still suffer from depression. You know there is a very good chance that in your school there are a few gay guys that maybe you could ask out. bottom line is that first you have to learn to accept yourself for who you are and then you can stop hating yourself places like this can help then tell the people that are close to you. and maybe find a boyfriend. It will get better I promise

 

WOW... you sound really depressed. Im sorry for all this.. And I hope you start feeling better soon.(*hug*)

I know what your talking about, I went through a mild spell of this before i started telling friends. I Dont have a boyfriend or want one right now.. but Im happy with how things are going right now.

Now, as for your wanting to leave being gay for women, just to have kids... Id have to say its the WORST idea ever!. Do you really want to raise children in a loveless marrige? Assuming you're sure your gay.. and I guess you are, Adopting or using a surrogate will bring you MORE joy than can come from a "physycally normal" relationship with a woman. Don't quit being gay.. dont even think about it. You have to stay true to yourself, and you CAN have kids!.

Remember, there's straight couples who CHOOSE not to have children naturally because of the amount of children that need adopting. In our society, alternative methods of having a child are as common as anything, and fully accepted.

I hope things get better for you, stay strong (*hug*)

Brenton

 

Have you thought of coming out? It might actually help because then you have someone to talk to about your problems.

 

To start off, I have a few questions:

Just wondering, what exactly is your definition of "the gay future?" Are you talking about the stereotypical gay future that you see on TV? Do realize that if you do get into a gay relationship, no two are ever quite the same. Just as you have different types of straight relationships, you also have different types of gay ones. I know if I ever have a boyfriend (i do hope to, someday), I don't plan us trying to rub it in anyone's face. I'm just not that type of person.

Second question:

"Perfect?" According to whom? Perfect for you, or perfect for everyone else?

I kind of see this as saying something like, "Because I'm gay, my life won't be normal." Well, rarely do straight people have so-called "normal" lives, either. The number of straight people getting divorces is on the rise. Will this ever become "normal?" Should we all strive to go get married, then get divorced, just because everyone else is doing it?

I think it all comes down to your perspective. Yes, as a gay individual, you will have a different perspective on life than everyone else, but that doesn't mean that yours is any less important or less valid.

Last, does your school have any sort of Gay-Straight Alliance? I'm not saying that, if so, you should go out and join it tomorrow, but it certainly doesn't hurt to walk by a meeting and check out who's there. If you're ever looking for friends, that might be one way to find a few potential ones.

Just remember, we're all here for you.

 

Im sorry if you took my post wrong. If you truely accept yourself then you wouldnt still hate it you would be a happier person but hey if you say you accept it then you accept it I dont know what I can say to help you Im sorry all I can say is I wish the best for you and I hope you figure everything out Im here for you even if I sometimes suck at giving advice good luck

 

What are you giving up? If your gay and you want kids, then perfect for you is a boyfriend, or even husband and an adopted or alternativly concieved child.

You almost sound like a you're against gay marriage or gays having children... this si really scaring me.

You do realize than you have the utmost power here to make yourself happy, right?

All you have to do is give yourself the things you want. A gay relationship and children CAN go hand in hand.

 

Hi Cloud Nine 5,

I don’t agree with your subject line because gay life doesn’t suck for the vast majority of gay folks. Now I agree that sometimes life sucks but that usually has little or nothing to do with being gay. Sometimes we tend to rationalize our problems by looking for something to blame, especially something like being gay, which we don’t control, because that takes us off the hook as far as being responsible for our own actions (or lack of). You may want to look at other reasons why things are not going as well as they should be in school.

Obviously you are not (yet) happy with being gay. You need to find a group of friends, gay or otherwise, who you can talk to on a regular basis. Like the folks here. Even one or two people can make a huge difference. Yes, there are risks in coming out to someone but the risk is considerably reduced if the person is a trusted relative or close friend. Keeping all your anxiety to yourself just increases the frustration followed by depression. In other words, being gay is not causing your problems. Not having a chance to talk about being gay or enjoying the joys of your sexuality are what is more likely causing your problems.

Trust me, your perspective will change many times in the months and years ahead. Some of the things we are taught to believe as being “perfect” are nothing more than the products of our environment, education, religion, and some fucked perceptions created by society and the media. For me, “perfect” means that something meets the expectations that are realistic for me, not someone else’s vision of “perfect”.

At least one third of all marriages end in divorce. Does that mean marriage is an ideal or “perfect”?

Because of the high heterosexual divorce rate, very many children are raised by single parents. Don’t you think that having 2 mommies or 2 daddies is a better situation than being raised by a single parent?

When you choose not to marry or have kids according to our more traditional standards, you’re not giving up something that makes your life imperfect. You’re consciously choosing an alternative that better suits who you are. That could well be a partnership, a gay marriage, or include children. All of the alternatives are better than attempting to live a lie. Look at the many gay guys who got married to fulfill someone else’s vision of the “perfect” family, only to end in divorce, endless years of frustration, or worse.

Hope you can come out soon and find a person who can make you feel better about being gay. Once you’re happy with yourself, the rest starts falling into place. Will it be perfect? Not by a longshot. But it’s a hell of a lot of fun on the road to perfection . Good luck on your journey(*hug*) .

 

Thank You So Much!:eusa_clap

I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH ALL OF THIS

thanks for saving me the typing

 

Hey Cloud Nine 5,

When I started to think seriously about coming out, I made a list of those I would and those I wouldn’t tell. Tops on the list was my very favorite and most trusted girlfriend. Then came my best male friend from my former band. Both conversations went super well. If you don’t have a good buddy that you can trust, why not find out more about the guy you think is gay and get to know him? Your lead in is simple. Next time you see him, take him aside and tell him that you were not laughing at him. You might want to add that you have some dumb-ass friends who sometimes say inappropriate things about gay people which you don’t think is very cool, and you hope he didn’t get the wrong impression about you. The rest ya play by ear.

A better choice would be someone you’ve known for a longer time and can trust. If nobody comes to mind, then you might as well make some new friends. One of those 3 girls might not be a bad alternative if you can find out whether they are gay-friendly or not.

I wouldn’t worry so much about what people might think 10 years from now or at some later time when and if you decide to get married. Right now you need to be honest with yourself. Then you need a person to share it with. Otherwise your frustration will continue to grow. Whatever route you take, the next move will have to come from you. The main thing is that you are definitely not alone(&&&) . Many of us have experienced some of your same frustrations with the associated depression. If you can just get over that first hump, you’ll find plenty of pleasant company. Look at those “Stages of Coming Out” on this site. There is no timeline but a few months or a year can make a huge difference.

 

I think what you need Cloud, is a change of scenery. You're going to be 18 soon right? Maybe, if you can afford it, take a long vacation somewhere far, far away...Europe or something....ok myabe not that expensive but yeah. Sometimes distancing youself from the world you know now (and apparently hate), helps you get a clearer picture of what you really want and how you really feel. Now as for this talk about faking the rest of your life....

Maybe you aren't gay, maybe it was a prolonged phase, BUT only you know the answer to that, if you haven't expieremeneted with both sexes, you'll never know who/which you truely love. If it turns out that you do like the same sex but hate all the strings that come attached with that path....too bad, suck it up. I don't mean to be crude. But this is the world we know today and have to face, just like if you were African-American or a women 30 or 40 years ago, life would suck.

Here's a question to ask yourself...are you going to crack under this pressure, just give in, call it quits and marry a woman you don't love, have a biological kid and a white picket fence house in an ordinary neighbourhood. Or are you going to force a change in your life and marry someone who you think you might love for the rest of your life (hey gay's get divorces too lol).

I already know you dont agree with the raising a kid theory. But you know what, as a foster parent, im sure a kid that getting abused by his drunk parents will welcome someone like you into their life, even if they get a little heat for having two dads. And although we cant change how you feel about this subject. Give it time, no one said you have to be ok with where your life's going at 17....your mind, opinions and values WILL change by themselves over time as you live your life.

And just a little personal tidbit of my life....I went through a 6-month phase of "i want to have a norm heterosexual life and call this quits cuz it sucks", but now, the thought of living that kind of life bores me til i feel like vomiting. And personally, digusting a little old catholic lady in the mall with a partner excites me....in fact, i think i wouldnt be able to stop laughing if it ever happened. I'm still alone too, but for some reason i can feel this path is right for me. And there will be times in my life where im going to want to quit, but i'll just let the chips fall where they may and not stop to think about it, im just going to live while i can.

 

Oh BTW guys, sorry for my very-prolonged period of absence from this board, ive been super busy with a whole slew of stuff.

 

hey, a new avatar... scratch that. a really great new avatar, and all is forgiven.

You make a lot of sense. This thread has really made me feel good. We have effectivally helped this guy (am assuming) sure, none of us are perfect, but what we're doing here, this forum.. its a really good thing.

I just wish there was a way for the billions of miserable LGBT kids out there to find this place... maybe next year we should get google to recognize national coming out day.. (they didnt this year) and maybe the link could be to HERE!!?? I just think that it would be a great idea.

good luck cloud nine and everybody else.

 

Well, maybe now coming out might seem impossible and everything might seem really bleak in your current situation, but do you think that maybe things will get easier in college? I know for me that's something I'm definitely looking forward to because I can go to a school where being gay is totally accepted and theres a large LGBT community on campus, so do you think that maybe you can do the same, and maybe meet someone there?

And I personally think that it's great that you don't believe in gays raising kids. I mean, I highly disagree with you, but it's really good that you stick to your beliefs and don't just give into what most other gay people believe in just because you're gay too.

I'm really glad this forum has helped you, and good luck with your situation! I hope everything works out for the best.

 

I've got a feeling that college is really going to be a great place for several of you here. My suggestions for you, if you're heading in that direction, are to a) find a college with a strong GSBT group, and b) go to a college where you don't know anyone.

Personally, I've found that college is really great in the sense that I don't know the vast majority of the people here. I'm starting over almost completely from scratch. There are just a few people here that I know, but in a school with 3,000+ students, I probably knew less than 10 coming in. And when you don't know anyone, you'll be free to set whatever impressions you want to.