I'm a married man that has always had desires for some contact with another man. I have looked on several sites trying to find a real friend that shares similar desires. I can't seem to find anyone who wants more than a hookup though. I have no desire for a hookup. I want a friend I can watch a baseball game with or go fishing or other shared interests with the benefit of our being able to explore these desires together. Am I the alone in this? Are hookups or abstinence the only two choices out there?
Welcome to EC! I would like the same thing with a guy, but if we had a good friendship, I might want it to become a relationship. I wouldn't want to try that with a married guy who would never consider ending his marriage. I know some married guys who very well might be gay and it would be great to give it a go with them, if they got divorced first. Maybe this isn't what you were hoping for a response, but maybe you should consider it. Are you really just curious? Don't answer that just yet, give it some time. Read posts from other married guys. There's no hurry, take your time and I do wish the best for you and your wife (and kids?). Take care, man.
I'm sure you can find "friends with benefits" but the caveat is that it almost always happens that one or the other starts, at some point, to have feelings and that tends to mess things up. Also, this is somewhat off-topic, but I feel the need to say it: If you value your personal integrity, you owe it to be authentic to both your wife and whomever your friends-with-benefits is as far as what's going on. It isn't fair to either one for you to not disclose this; think about how you'd feel if the situation were reversed. Additionally (again, if you have any personal integrity) it's going to really, over time, affect your own sense of shame and self-worth. As difficult as it is to address up front, I think everyone will be a lot happier in the long run if you make that choice now, rather than running the risk of it blowing up later.
