Long Distance Relationships.

Sweetie, your story is very touching. I don't have much relationship experience myself, but I once was in a long distance relationship. Unlike your story though, we did see each other a few times in person. Long distance relationships are kind of hard to keep going. I give you serious kudos for really connecting with this person, especially without meeting him.

However, I must say that when it comes to long distance relationships, there is always a chance that the feelings the couple shared could fade. Now it's clear to me you really adore this person. But if they seldom contact you, that's a small red flag. Perhaps they truly forgot. Perhaps there was another reason. Talking to this person is a good idea once they get back from their trip. You can explain your concern and express your feelings to them.

I just want you to know, since you are kind of younger (but not much younger than me), that right now this person may feel like the world to you. And if things work out, superb, excellent, great. But if they don't, know that you will have multiple, MULTIPLE opportunities to find love and have love find you. Don't give up on love, and love won't give up on you.

 

You said you never met in person, but he's seen you during Skype sessions right? Trust me if you've been with this person for a year and have kept up communication, I would say you're good enough in his eyes.

 

My two cents worth....

The red flag that I'm seeing is when he stops contacting you. If I was in your shoes, I'd also be worried if someone I usually talked to on a daily basis just disappears for a week. And then over the holidays, just up and disappears and you get a text from his friend saying that he is gone until March???? I do believe that long distance relationships can work...to a point. Everything sounded pretty good between you....but if i was in your shoes??? If someone I was seeing just up and took off for a few months without letting me know....I'd be pissed. But that's me. I'm hoping I didn't misread something (it's 1:21 am here and I'm exhausted). But if he just took off like that...without saying good-bye??? And why would he leave his cell phone with a friend??? I'm sorry....I'm just seeing red flags. Just my opinion though....take it for what it's worth.

 

i have to agree with inthedark4eva. i've been in two long term long distance relationships before and i can't even imagine not receiving any prior notice from my partner if he/she was going to be busy/without internet/whatever for any period of time. even if something happened all of a sudden and no prior notice could be given, i would still expect to be contacted ASAP about it, not days or weeks later. that's ridiculous, in my humle opinion. i commend you for keeping a level head throughout all of this and for wanting to believe in your partner, but honestly... if i were you, this last incident would be the last straw. i don't care how much i love the person, if they couldn't take a second out of their day to tell me that they're going somewhere/will be busy/whatever (ESPECIALLY if we talked every day otherwise-- i mean that's more than enough opportunity to mention something like that), then honestly i would end it with that person. a relationship isn't something that happens at one person's convenience and for him to be this inconsiderate of you....? ........ugh.

of course all of the above is just my opinion as someone who isn't walking in your shoes. :/

also, about doing those things on the phone/Skype and feeling so bad about it afterwards.... i really hope that you aren't just doing those things for his sake, which is the impression that i'm getting given how you feel about those things afterwards. please please please never compromise yourself for someone else. no matter how much you may love him, if he loves you he will respect your decision if you decide you would rather not do something. he if doesn't respect that and insists on you doing something, i really do think it's time to let him go....

again, just my opinion.

 

I really don't trust people in these situations. There are plenty of red flags here. It's easy to ignore them if you love the person but from an outsider's perspective, I think he expects you to have moved on if /when he gets back.

 

*nods* ok. talking to him and really telling him how you feel sounds like a very good course of action and i really do wish you all the best with it. please do remember, though, to look out for yourself, no matter what happens. (*hug*)

 

The love should be greater than the distance between you two.

If you cant be without each other physically, and trust them, and or feel like spirituallly you guys are just not there yet, then dont waste your time.

You are 15, you still have time to grow into a beautiful swan

 

You might find my post offensive but it's just according to my experience.

I generally don't think long distance relationship will work and the main problem is that you two haven't actually met, there's a huge difference between sweet talking nothings over the phone and skype and the actual dating, meeting in person etc. Don't put your heart out to this person. And again, you're young, perhaps try to find someone that will physically hold you when you falling asleep. It's way better.

 

I'd have to agree with Toaster. There's only so much you can do in long distance relationships, mainly talking via skype, text, phone about your day and various things. I've been in a few before and the chemistry fades rapidly to the point where contact becomes a once a month thing, maybe longer than that, until we stop contacting each other.

If you're both truly devoted to one another and can make it work, then kudos. If it doesn't, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Either way, best of luck to you. Hope it all works out.

 

Like I said in my above post, if he really loved you and cared about you, he would've at least made it a point to say goodbye. On another point, nobody leaves their cell phone behind these days....especially if they're going to be gone for any length of time. How do you know it was his 'friend' that texted you? That's a major red flag there. A phone call would've been more credible...but I would still find that suspicious because all he would have to do is hand his phone to someone and tell them what to say. Sadly, it sounds like he is playing you...I hate to be so blunt...but that's what I'm seeing and I'm speaking from experience.

I was in an online 'romance' a couple of years ago. I took it a step further though...I met the person. We were both in relationships at the time and I gave everything up to be with that person...EVERYTHING. I was ready to move 400 miles away from everyone I loved and cared about to be with the person that I mostly knew online. It seemed like everything was going to happen....until at the last second, the other person changed their mind.....and didn't even have the balls to tell me...I had to read about it on facebook.

Here's where my stupidity and ignorance comes in to play....this person has a history of doing this to people. Before we became involved, I watched them do it to someone else. I thought that what we had could be different. I was wrong. I got played. I wasn't really hurt....I was angry....mostly at myself because I should've known better. I watched them do it to someone else....and then I fell for the same shit.

So, my advice comes from someone who's been where you are. In my opinion, you need to move on. You care about him a lot more than he cares about you. I know that's not what you want to hear but if he truly cared about you....he would've made a point to say goodbye. And on another, your relationship is already a long distance relationship. Why would that change if he was going away? Is he going to some remote place without cell phone service or internet??

Again I apologize for being so blunt but I don't think you're seeing things clearly right now because you believe you love him. Sorry.

 

i would just like to point out that you've conveniently ignored the fact that the person went abroad. as someone who has traveled internationally to several countries, i can tell you that it is NOT unusual for someone to leave their cell phone behind, ESPECIALLY when traveling to a country with a different type of wireless network like America.

for one, international roaming is EXTREMELY expensive. it would be cheaper by far to get a prepaid local phone at one's destination. plus the kid is 18! more than likely his parents were the ones in charge of what was done about phones since they pay the bills.

two, a phone from Australia ( assuming that this is where the guy is from as it's where the OP is from, but this applies to other countries as well ) will NOT fully function in the US due to different frequencies being used in the two countries.

again, i agree that there are red flags that do warrant the OP being cautioned, but the guy's phone being left behind ISN'T one of them.

regardless of the situation and its red flags, i'm starting to feel sorry for the OP because they are hearing nothing but negative experiences about long distance relationships. well, let me be the first to confirm from personal experience that they CAN work. i am American, my partner Australian, and we have been together for 4 years. 2.5 of those years have been spent actually living together.

long distance relationships in general are never easy, but they can work. in this specific situation, i do very much want to caution the OP because of the red flags that i see, but at the same time i recognize the fact that no matter how well i may think i understand her situation i cannot ever truly understand as i will never be standing in her shoes. it is her decision to make and hers alone.

to the OP: as i said before, i think that it would be good for you to really tell the guy how you feel, but please be cautious. no matter how much you love him, you must look out for yourself and you must be mindful that despite how much you love him and how badly you want this to work, he may not feel the same way even if he tells you otherwise. this isn't something specific to long distance relationships, it's simply a human thing and your partner is very much human. so yes, do try to talk things out with him, but be prepared.

good luck.

 

Please don't twist my words. The two things I specifically pointed out as red flags were 1. The fact that they are in a relationship and failed to let her know specifically when he was leaving and made no attempts to say goodbye AND 2. The fact the she tried to contact him for three weeks before 'his friend' texted her to tell her that he had left.

I understand about traveling and cell phone usage. Most 18 year old's would take it with anyways. And if his parents are paying the bill and would be concerned with expensive roaming charges, I would think that the cell phone would be the parents rather than a friend.

 

as the boy is 18 and it's the holiday season, i wouldn't be surprised if his parents went with him abroad, thus leaving the phone entirely with someone else back home (ie the 'friend', although i must admit that i personally would never trust my phone with a friend, so that does strict me as a bit odd). as for the 3 weeks thing, if the parents haven't given him access to a phone or computer/internet, 3 weeks may be how long it was before he contacted his friend. the real mystery, i feel, is why he chose to contact his friend instead of his partner directly. how long it took to do so is less important compared to the fact that he didn't do it before leaving to begin with (so i agree with your #1).

*shrugs*

i stand by what i said previously, agreeing that there are definitely red flags and the OP should be cautious, but the decision is hers in the end.

 

I think we are nitpicking the details here (I tend to do that...sorry).

So to nitpick some more, I highlighted the part where the OP said she called HIS number for three weeks and then got a text from HIS number stating that it was 'his best friend'. I just find this suspicious. He left at some point towards the end of December and is gone until March? That's a looooong time for a holiday.

We both agree that there are definitely red flags here. And I totally agree with all of your last post.

 

nitpicking indeed lol. i'm bad at that too.

i do agree, though, that there is much to be suspicious of. :/