I know that i am not completely straight, and I also realize that putting a label on your orientation isn't always helpful but I would really like to have more of an understanding of myself so please help if you can. I am an 18 year old GIRL and I have never had a long term relationship but I think I have often avoided this due to low self-esteem and being in a school where no one had much in common with me. I find men sexually attractive but only certain men are also emotionally attractive to me and give me butterflies etc. I have never been in love with a guy though or even strongly attached to one.. There have just been numerous crushes and only with very particular men. I can't recall ever having a crush on a girl my age or feeling attracted to a girl my age. When i was very young I remember having a crush on my female school teacher, then again at 11 and more recently I met a woman i felt very attracted to, but I would say that my attraction was only emotional rather than sexual. When i was 15 I had all the symptoms of being in love with one particular woman who was older, straight and married. Of course I never told her but I have also never understood by extremely strong attachment to her because I didn't feel at all sexual towards her, i just craved to be in her company, wanted to know everything about her, wished for her to like me and missed her and thought about her all the time. it felt like everything love should be except not sexual or recipricated. I am struggling to understand who I am.. at times I feel straight, at times I feel bi, at times i think all i want is a woman because the emotional side feels a lot more important than the sexual side of attraction for me. Sex with a woman doesn't really exite me in the way sex with a man does but it is certainly not a turn off and maybe if i was with a woman I loved who loved me then sex with a woman would become more attractive to me? Im just confused at why i cant spontaniously fall in love with a man but i can with a woman.. but maybe not having a long term relationship with any of the men i have had crushes on is a reason for not falling for them? Why can i fall for a woman without hardly knowing her then? Oh gosh i dont know :/, help please :icon_sad: Also ive had several dreams where I have felt strong attachments to men but ive never had a sexual dream about a woman.
It sounds to me like you are currently bi-curious and homoromantic toward women. I was like this when I was very young, ages 11-13. The thought of having sex with a woman frightened me and made me feel very strange. But the thought of kissing a woman and being close to one excited me. When I was 13, I had my first boyfriend. We fooled around a lot. We did what you call, "outercourse" or "dry humping", and 3rd base. It was kinda nice, but I always felt like something was missing. When I was 14, my 17-year-old friend came on to me. She kissed me and we had "outercourse". I never thought that something like that would feel so good, even with a female. I knew right away that a woman's touch is what I was missing all along. When I was 16, I had sex for the first time with a 24-year-old woman (my girlfriend at the time). It was very nervous, but I liked it very much. That's when I came to the conclusion that I prefer women. I consider myself a Kinsey 4-5 lesbian or "homoflexible". So what I think is, you might just be at that stage where you're young and questioning. If you ever do find a woman to fall in love with, you may realize that intercourse with her is something you like a lot.
Aww! Well I guess that is definitely a good thing. Don't worry, though. You're still young and you will find someone to spend the rest of your life with. (*hug*)
Hey confused 94, listen, being the same age as you i too find i question my sexuality, but thats rare thesedays because i have found love with my girlfriend. i dont think its a matter of gender preference when you actually fall in love, but when you do, you will find that sense of sexual attraction in your own terms. Or say perhaps you experiment with both genders you will find exactly that missing feeling as Anthemic states. When you do, i believe thats when you will understand what you want.
