A year and half ago I was in my last year of secondary school and in a happy relationship with a guy, however while in the relationship I became aware of certain feelings I had towards females. Now as you can imagine I freaked out, I mean I was in a relationship with this guy I liked and then suddenly I come to realise that I was attracted to females. I admit the physical side of the relationship I had with the guy felt wrong and I didn't really like it but I though it was just because I hadn't really been in a relationship before where it got this physical. I had a hard time finding out my orientation but I came out thinking I was gay which resulted me breaking up with the guy I was going out with (nicely) and telling my parents, sister and two close friends all of which were very understanding. I though I had it figured out "I am gay/lesbian and I am okay with that", however I must admit there was always this doubt as a result of not being in a relationship with a girl but I figured that it didn't matter if I have been in a relationship or not. I am now having very serious doubts about my orientation, not because I am not attracted to females anymore cause I am but because I still feel strongly towards the guy I broke up with. I am not 100% sure about my feelings towards him but I do like him very strongly, he has a great personality and we connect. He has just asked me out again even though he knows about my 'apparent' orientation and I am very confused what to do. I don't feel sexually attracted to him but his personality does attract me. I have always though that it doesn't really matter what a person looks like because if you like them emotionally and their personality then that is all that matters. I am just so confused, I feel like I have made a mistake in thinking I am a lesbian because who knows I might just prefer females to men. However when I think what gender I am attracted to it leads me to females, this guy is the only exception when I think about being in a relationship men. I feel like I should give him another chance but then I keep on thinking if I am just hoping that I am straight as a result of me not having very good role models when it comes to gay people I feel like I am never going to be happy if I am gay. I would very much appreciate anyone's advice, guidance or experience with the situation I am dealing with so that I can figure out what I am going to do. I am just so stuck and I feel trapped in making a decision. It would be very nice to not label myself as something and instead just be me. Thanks DeathDealer
You have to decide of you can be in happy relationship with him or any other guy for that matter. This is both emotional and sexual. It's not fair to him if you can't love him as much as he loves you regardless of how hard you may want to. If you feel like you can love him sexualy then go for it. If not ask yourself weather or not you would want him to be with someone that can love him both sexualy and emotionally. Please don't take what I just said as an attack on you. I'm sure when you figure out who your into you'll be a great girlfriend, just make sure you can truly love them in every way that they love you. Good luck.
Thank you so much for your advice. You are correct in what you say and I really want him to be happy like you said. Now all I have to do is have a hard think about things and see what I come up with.
Hey, welcome to EC! You've come to the right place and I can most definitely help you out. I've had first hand experience as I am in the same situation as you. I'm primarily attracted to females, but I'm stuck on this one guy. He's also my kids father and well, I do love him, but that isn't enough to be with him. There's something missing when I'm with him and it just doesn't feel right. That's why I consider myself homoflexible--gosh, I dislike that word. How about you try dating a girl to see how things feel. And make sure you give yourself time to figure things out. It took me forever, a lot of crying, heartaches and fighting my feelings because I wanted to be with him. He knows how I feel and it's been hard on the both of us. He's given me time to figure things out, but I don't think we'll ever try again. You cannot force something that's not there. I mean, I love everything about him; I wish I had a magic wand. I'd turn him into a girl in a heartbeat Just be honest with yourself and your ex
Absolutely agree with this! Try being with a girl now that you have the freedom to do so, bringing a man into this/trying to make yourself straight will just add to add to the confusion unless you've atleast tried the other side. Being in a straight relationship when you think you might prefer women will just really really mess with your head and cause a lot of heartache unless you're very very certain of what you feel.
My ex knows how confused and stuck I am about the whole situation, he is being very understanding. I think you are right in me going out with a girl and seeing how things go as well as see how I feel. My ex is also giving me time to figure out what I want and he is an excellent person because funnily enough he was the first person I came out to ---------- Post added 18th Jan 2013 at 03:09 PM ---------- I completely agree with what you have said because while I was still in a relationship with him and coming to realise that I might be gay I felt so guilty and heartbroken because before when everything was fine I felt happy and we were going good. I felt like I was cheating on him just because of having these feelings I had for females.
I have been in the same boat, but I think the difference was I knew I was gay. I had a very, very close friend who I had never connected with so strongly. Me and her, if we were together, I was very happy and I loved being with her. Our connection was so strong, I considered just being in a relationship with her so it would be easier to hide that I was gay (and it wouldn't be hard to pretend either). (another difference now, you have come out, but I haven't) In the end, she ended up moving away so none of it ever went anywhere. But what I'm saying is, if you know deep down that you would be more true to yourself and others by being with girls, then you shouldn't lead him on, so that way you don't hurt him and yourself. Good luck
I think this exactly what I am feeling. We connect so strongly and I don't have this connection any were else. We just understand each other so much and he is the closest friend I have, he calls me his Queen Penguin while I call him my King Penguin I also know that lying to myself and him would just make things worse for both of us and I really don't want to leas him on or give him false hope. Thanks for the advice and telling me the experience you have when in a situation I am in.
I'm so glad I could help! And what you said about the nicknames you guys gave each other, etc. Reminds me exactly of what me and my friend had. We had tons of inside jokes and history, I felt so comfortable around her it was just plain easy. He sounds like he would completely understand, so I really hope for the best! Queen Penguin
This is the answer towards my ex asking me out again and I thank all of you that has given me advice because I really feel like I have made the right and best decision. I think if it wasn't for you advice I very well could have made the wrong decision. To King Penguin, I know things haven’t gone well with you and me as a result of me finding out about things towards myself, and for that I am sorry. If only I could be straight then maybe we would still be happy and together, who knows what could have happened to our relationship. But the truth remains, I am gay/lesbian and even though I still have some doubt about this as a result of me not being in a romantic relationship with a female and maybe a bit of wishful thinking things between you and me will just not work. If there was any way for us to be together and happy, with the correct emotions and physical attraction then I would be jumping at the chance to be in a relationship with you because I do strongly like you. Weather these feelings I have is of the romantic sort, best friend sort or a brother and sister sort I am not sure. However I feel like being in a relationship with you right now wouldn't be the best thing, I would be lying to you and me if I was to say that there won’t be any guilt, heartache and forcing myself to do things just because of my strong emotions towards you. The truth is that I love everything about you, I like how you are so tall, you have long hair, you are dyslexic just like me, our minds are so alike and we just have this connection. However lying to you and me about feeling comfortable of being in a relationship with you would wrong and will only make even worse for both of us. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT IN ANY WAY!!! I feel you should understand that there really isn't anything you can do that could make a relationship with you work (unless you get a sex change , kidding). I also feel like even if I wanted to be in a relationship with you I would first have to be in a relationship with a female in order to better understand myself and help me come to realize 100% what my sexual orientation is. I want you to also realize that all I want for you is to be happy no matter who it is that makes you happy, this is one of the reasons I just can’t be in a relationship with you because I feel like I won’t be able to make you happy without lying. King Penguin I am so sorry for all the things I have done to you, I felt like when I was in the relationship before I wasn't truthful with you as well as feeling like I was cheating on you as a result of the feelings I was discovering towards females. Please find the right person for you that will be able to do the things I cannot because I am just not the right person for you even though I wish I was. Don’t let me or anyone else hold you back in finding this person and have the confidence in you to search safe in the knowledge that anyone who has you is the luckiest person in the world. You will always be that little exception when I think of men as someone I could happily be together with if I wasn't gay. To me that just shows you how special you are, you are that man that could very well make a woman straight sadly that woman isn't me. You will also always be my King Penguin and I hope I will always be you Queen Penguin even after all I have put you through. Lots of love, Queen Penguin
He was very understanding, he wished for me to find a person that makes me happy too. However he did say that is to nervous when talking to girls but I made him feel confident, enough so that he talked to a girl friend I know that I though he might like. It has turned out well enough that I can see a date in the near future. I am so happy for him and me about how everything has turned out
