This may contain some triggers, so I'm sorry about that. For a while now, after realizing that I'm not exactly straight, nor bisexual, and that I am in fact gay, I think I'm a bit of an odd person. I didn't go to work on the Wednesday after I came out to my mother, because I felt ashamed. Thoughts ran through my head, such as, "Why hire a gay person?," "Why even associate with someone who deviates from the normalities of society and life?". I feel ashamed even when I talk with my mum lately, because I know I'm not her daughter who’s going to marry a guy, and have grandkids, even though I wouldn't want it if I were straight, but still. I feel like a weird person for not being "right"… for deviating from the "norm," but I don’t hold this view towards anyone who is gay. Just myself. Sometimes it makes me think that I don't deserve to have a job, or my own income, or to even talk and share my opinion. It sounds a bit silly, but I didn't even want to go into one of my favourite shops this afternoon to get something to eat, like my usual, even though everyone there knows me and there's no difference. Except that now, I know that I'm a lesbian, and I'm an oddity. I guess I feel a little bit ashamed for being gay. I feel like it isn't normal even though I don’t hold that view. Just for me. It's a bit of an oxymoron. I mean, normally I feel proud about my sexual orientation, and that I like women and the idea that one day I'll make a great girlfriend excites me, but my optimistic views have shifted a bit since I came out. :c Somebody remind me of how beautiful it is to be part of the LGBT community. Remind me of why I held my positive views on everything before I wandered out of the wardrobe. Thankyou.
Sounds like you're overthinking things and punishing yourself with some internal homophoblic thoughts! I think you need to do some reading up on some incredible gay/bi people thoughtout history and start to think of people beyond just their sexuality. Homosexuality exists in most animal species and is as natural as being left handed! Off the top of my head... Leonardo Da Vinci - Renaissance painter, sculptor, architect, musician and scientist Michelangelo - Italian Renaissance sculptor, painter, architect, poet, and engineer Oscar Wilde - Irish writer and poet Roger Casement - humanitarian campaigner and an Irish patriot, poet, revolutionary, and nationalist Abraham Lincoln - 16th President of the United States Gertrude Stein - noted American art collector and an experimental writer of novels, poetry and plays Adrienne Cecile Rich - American poet, essayist and feminist. She was called "one of the most widely read and influential poets of the second half of the 20th century". More modern role models Billie Jean King - American former World No. 1 professional tennis player Freddie Mercury - British musician, singer and songwriter kd lang - Canadian pop and country singer-songwriter Matthew Mitcham - Australia diving Olympic gold medalist Chely Wright - American country music artist Ellen Degeneres - American stand-up comedian Wanda Sykes - American writer, comedian, actress Melissa Etheridge - American rock singer-songwriter Martina Navratilova - Czech American former World No. 1 tennis champion Frances Faye - American cabaret and show tune singer and pianist. Go and find some gay role models you can identify with and lookup to and good luck
Haha thank you very much. I need to get out of this negative mode, it's not me! I think I need to go watch a few episodes of Ellen for a bit.
Ah no matter what I do, I still have this weird thought in the back of my head that I'm wrong and my lifestyle is abnormal along with everything else. Probably didn't help that my dad found out and now he's giving me shit one way and another because of it. Too bad I'm not straight or that my circumstances aren't acceptable.
rehtea, you couldn't be more right! You'll find the girl of your dreams and you will be so happy that all these possibilities and questions dragging you down will, in fact, do the opposite. They will be the things that get you thinkin about your girlfriend. But hey. You never know just how much science will breakthrough in a few years of time. You may have seen in this forum that recently scientists found it is possible to create egg cells from stem cells from a male! Which means gay couples can have kids and that alleged "disadvantage" of not being able to pro-create doesn't become a problem anymore. You and your couple could always have kids through IVF, you shouldn't be worrying about people who think differently of you because they don't matter! Stay strong and don't be ashamed! Just think of how happy being yourself will be. (*hug*)
WARNING THIS COULD BE TRIGGERING FOR OTHERS WITH SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES OVER BEING GAY BUT I ENDED ON SOME POSITIVITIES: When I was in school I always hated myself if I was ever around THAT particular girl I liked because I thought that she was an absolute beautiful angel that I really wanted to make smile/see her happy so I just thought of myself as completely sick because if she ever knew I liked her she'd probably be disgusted. This affected me so much that when I was going to college I purposely chose a course where there would be very few women! Being in contact with a girl I liked but I knew I could never be with was absolutely ruining my mental health and I didn't have peace til I was surrounded by guys all the time. I thought that I could change my feelings or that I could actually be bi but not be aware of it so I ended up in a straight relationship but throughout the relationship I really really questioned if I was attracted to him even though I care for him very very much. I feel so horrible now because I painted myself into a corner and possibly wasted quite a bit of this guy's time because I was too afraid to face my feelings and frightened of being a lesbian :eusa_doh: Ok to combat this negativity I'll say some of the positives of being gay -Its easier to make platonic male friends -Other lesbians will share so so much of your experiences -You won't have an unintended pregnancy -You have a huge advantage when it comes to making a woman feel good -You can immerse yourself in some fairly kickass gay culture, movies and music -You can watch movies meant for men :icon_wink -You'll save an absolute fortune in birth control -You have a better sense of identity from the process of coming out -Ladies are really hot :icon_bigg -You won't tend to feel jealous of other women because you're not competing with them for men -You'll only have kids IF and when you really want to have them -Lesbian relationships tend to be much more intimate that straight ones -You can get any hairstyle or dress however you want and never have to worry "does this make me look like a lesbian" -Coming out can make you more confident and bring you closer to people -You're part of the LGBT community now :smilewave
I hear what you mean. I spent years in denial because I thought it was wrong. Then I realized that I couldn't possibly hold that view. My best friend is gay and he is one of the smartest people I know. How is it that I could hold that view when one of the persons I cared about most was gay and still managed to achieve success in many areas. I know it's hard but just try and find a way to shift your focus from the negative to the positive.
Nobody should be ashamed of being gay! While I do understand what you're saying, I still think that being gay is not a bad thing. My father is a professor, teaches at a Catholic law school, and has more than a few gay colleagues! The world is slowly changing to better fit the needs of the LGBT community! Also, I'm sure that your dad will come around soon enough. He is your dad after all, and I'm sure he cares about you.
Thank you everyone who's replied and has been rational about this whole thing. I appreciate it a lot. :') I talked with a good friend the other night who's in the same situation as I'm in, and she pointed out some really good things, so I'd like to share in case if anyone is feeling the same, and it's a good reminder! Positivity is always sweet. She's great. In regards to my dad.. well, my dad is somewhat homophobic, so I doubt he'll come around any time soon. My parents aren't together so I occasionally stay at his house every other weekend and talk, but I don't know if that's going to happen any more. It sucks because I do love him but he can be such an ass about things sometimes. And this is a huge thing... liking girls and all, and spending the rest of my life with a woman. He'll have to accept it or just remove himself.
Rehtea I think you should really try listening to kd lang's or Melissa Etheridge's music. I've struggled with my same sex attractions for years because I was afraid that if I admitted to being a lesbian I'd transform into someone I couldn't recognize anymore. The media loves painting all lesbians as masculine and all gay men as effeminate but these identities are simply individual choices to feel more comfortable in your own skin. When you're comfortable in yourself and your sexuality you can show the world that you're the same person you've always been but even better now as your more honest with yourself and with others [YOUTUBE]Or-0aIHtD2Q[/YOUTUBE]
Man oh man, no matter what I do or how much inspiration or positive words I hear I still always get knocked down by something. I got into an argument with my dad last night over the phone after I actually told him that I'm gay, and he proceeded to swear at me and go, "Don't even bother stopping by the house, I'll just drop your shit off when I run through. Don't fucking call me either." Yeah, thanks. Really great support system there, dad. At least my mum cares enough to replace any ounce of support he would show, so I'm appreciative of that. She's pretty pissed at him for what he said to me and now it's just another battle. Ughghgh why does being gay have to come with such toxin.
I came out last week, and although my friends are understanding and tolerant about it, it's still very new to them. I feel a bit odd when being around them, and I've always known my true self, much like you. But knowing that there are other people that see the real you and other people that don't can be a pain sometimes. Especially when hanging around both friends you've told it to, and friends that are unaware. My greatest tips to you would be the lame cliche line: time. Time heals everything. Just let the acknowledgement and the new you sink in. Later on you will be able to accept yourself and love yourself. Ouch that event with your dad sounds very painful. Like I told someone else a few minutes ago, you should really get support from your mother and try not to focus on what your father told you. You never know, he might just be a little vulnerable atm just like you, because he found out his child was a little different from what he thought. But what do I know? I'm just giving tips around. But at least, I am rooting for you and everyone here in this forum. I registered today and it already feels like I belong here
You're sweet. Thank you. I appreciate the relationship my mum and I have because she's always been accepting of what I do and who I am since day one. Dad, not so much. But he'll hopefully come around soon or he will just have to deal with it in some way, because I'm not going back into the closet just so I can hide from him. Time does heal everything but I lack patience.
^ this is actually the best thing I have ever read. Just reading that made an impact on my whole view of gay. Thanks for posting that.
^ Glad to hear her words could impact others just as much. No problem. I guess I'm using this as my own personal vent thread, though I shouldn't but oh well. My dad's been harassing me with phone calls as of late. He'll call me anywhere from 6-8 times while I'm at work, so I purposely have to put my phone on mute. I wish I could answer it and tell him to knock the fuck off, but I really don't want to put myself in jeopardy in front of my boss and co-workers. He's been acting this way ever since my mum told him that I came out (in which I told her to do since I wasn't brave enough to do it myself). It's so very, very odd. And I'm tired of it. After his little “Don’t fucking call me” rant yesterday, I haven’t talked with him since and he hasn't bothered to stop by and drop off my game systems or left over clothes (from his house). He’s acting this irrational all because of me coming out and the fact that he can’t accept it. It shouldn't bother me that much but he’s still my dad so… I don’t know. He was acting decent before all of this. And I hate to admit this but I feel unsafe with him around me because he'll probably psychologically damage me or even physically damage me if he gets worse enough. I can't take the emotional and mental toll it's grasping from me. I hate it. I wish I could go back into the closet 95% of the time. Knowing my dad I shouldn't have ever mentioned anything. I wish I were straight a lot of the time now. I hate all of the bullshit that comes with my sexuality atm.
Would you think you may have an internalized homophobia that has just arisen once you came out? I think that's what going on with you right now. I suggest that, in this stressful times you're living, you should do a lot of research and read a lot about homosexuality and homophobia. The more you educate yourself about those matters, the more control you will have when you experience such feelings of inadequacy. There's a good book called "Homophobia:how we all pay the price." by Warren Blummenfeld. Knowledge will be your ally in this tough moments you are living. And, since you came out and there's not turning back, knowledge will make you very courageous, instead of dwelling in doubts and uncertainty. Consider it a chance for empowerment
I could become much more savvy on homophobia and homosexuality itself but again those who fear homosexuals are indeed ignorant or what you call 'close-minded'. I don't really have an issue so much with the gay part but I'm more concerned about acceptance from others and having anxiety tied into that makes matters somewhat worse. Thank you though, I'll look into that book soon.
