Solution to the 'Exploration Phase'?

I can't speak for everyone but to me it wouldn't make a difference.

Most of us have been EXACTLY where you have been. Very few actually just wake up and say, 'Oh. I'm gay!' Some people spend years in denial before accepting their sexuality (I hope I'm not scaring with that...for some people it takes longer but society is a lot more accepting than it was five years ago...so it's easier to come out).

My point is that you're far from alone. Most of us have walked the road you're on now. I identified as bisexual for a while before completely accepting that I was gay.

I hope this helps. (*hug*)

 

Unfortunately I can't offer any advice because I'm in your EXACT situation! I could have written your post, I have the same need to be sure of who I am because I don't know how to move in the gay community, I fear of being pushed away because I'm not totally sure.

 

I am wondering the same thing. I strongly suspect that if I felt comfortable enough to explore a relationship with a woman I'd be able to find confirmation that I'm gay or maybe that I'm asexual. But how do you find someone to explore the possibility with, without coming out? And how can you come out when you're not sure?

Sorry that I don't have answer, but I am in the same boat wondering the exact same thing.

 

If you're unsure of how you identify, maybe you could try dating and going slow. And make it clear to anyone you date that you want to take things slow and that the situation is new to you. To me, this would be the most honest approach and would allow you to better understand yourself at the same time.

 

I feel your pain. I feel that this questioning would have been easier in college or high school. I'm 30 years old and questioning now. I probably should have gotten around to it before now, but what can I say I'm a procrastinator. :lol:

 

I'm in a similar situation to yours and would also like to hear more advice on this. I've described myself as bi but have never been in a relationship or "explored" before. And though it hasn't really "worked" for me yet, I'd say you could try looking for gay hangout: social groups or similar. I'm in my late twenties and out of college, but sometimes spend time with my former college's gay group and most are a bit younger than me.

25 is not too old, and maybe you could participate in a university's or college's gay group if there is one. I'm not sure if they'd let in non-students or non-alumni, but at least in the one I'm in they've never asked me for a student ID or something similar, and when they ask if I'm a student I say the truth, and even the faculty counselors know about me. With the exception of not being able to do student-only things, like running for the group's elected members, I have been able to participate in most of their activities. It can be a little awkward, especially if you think of it as going there just to find people to date or have sex with, and since it seems you're realizing new things about yourself, you could go just to learn and make friends.

From my experience, most LGBT groups tend to be very welcoming even if the group's main audience does not specifically include your demographic.

 

Tell the truth. You are questioning your sexuality.

Nothing wrong with that. Some people may want someone stable for a longer term relationship. Others might just want a fling and not really care who with.

Just hang out with LGBT people and be honest.

 

Most LBGT people are pretty understanding of those not yet comfortable or knowledgable about their sexuality, so if you find a girl you're interested in, just let her know what's up. Coffee shops and pet stores are good places to meet women, though it might get a bit awkward if you're just hanging round at the pet shop all day ^^; lol.

But yeah, there's no need to rush into anything, or to feel awkward about talking about it with people. Just be open and honest about what's going on in your head, even if it means stepping a little outside your comfort zone and feeling a bit awkward for a moment. I mean, you kinda have to step outside to explore, right?

 

I struggle with the same thing. I've just spent a lot of time thinking and over-analyzing every detail of my life to sort of come to the conclusion I'm gay. I haven't yet had that opportunity to 'experiment' though and be sure. I think what's most important is that you're just honest with yourself, and honest with anyone you date!

 

If you're not quite sure if you identify as bisexual/lesbian, I'd suggest simply meeting some lesbian/bi people and befriending them. Don't go looking for one-night stands to "explore" that side of yourself, since you'll probably be disappointed. A better solution is to bond with people, and see if feelings develop naturally over time. Don't push yourself, just relax and be accepting with how you feel.

 

if you have any friends you can talk to who are gay/bi talk to those it may help a little.
if you want to explore relationship side of things and do meet someone i would explain your situation first. dont lie and say 'oh im gay yeah' or something that you may not be sure of because the person on the other end may feel lied to, you might be scared how the other person will react but open and being honest is the best way forward. someone out there will be patient and wont mind your situation.

 

That's a great idea. I find that trying to force any change in thinking on yourself is impossble, and just stresses yourself out. For example, I just recently began to get over a long-running crush I had on a friend. The first while, I tried suppressing any thoughts of him whenever they occurred, however I began to realize it was futile, and was only stressing me out more. I decided to just "go with the flow", accept that I still cared about him, but that I had to move on. Eventually, things began to even out and I'm feeling a lot better.

In regards to your sexuality, I'd suggest just calmly exploring yourself. Don't try and force a label or standard on your sexuality, just meet people and allow your feelings to go in whatever direction they will. There's no need to rush this understanding of yourself, and there's definetly no reason you can't be a member of the LGBT community (discreetly if you wish), just because you're not sure about youself yet. In fact, joining the community may help you learn more about yourself. Trust me, most of the fundamental realizations about myself I've made during this last year of extreme growth just happened on their own. I didn't sit around debating with myself what sexuality I was, what I wanted to do with my life, I just realized them. I realized I loved my previous crush (the first time I've truly loved someone) while reaching to set set my morning alarm. I was just idly thinking about things, when like a lightning bolt I realized something: I'd fallen in love with a boy. I was gay. It may sound cheesy, but that's truly how things happened. It just all "clicked" suddenly, for no apparent reason.