It hurts

In this organization at school, our leadership team is really keen on finding people who are willing and dedicated. In freshman year, the friend I thought that would support me in becoming president told me these words when she found out we were both aiming to be the president: You can be my underdog. Now, she won't even really talk to me anymore. What's her deal?!

My cousin and I go to the same high school. She probably knows I'm gay and probably queer. She's the athletic, steady type of girl who doesn't like to challenge herself. Ironically, she attacks people like me. People who want to be breaking past our limits and becoming something worth while. My very goal is to be independent and strong. So, that I can live on my own and not have to depend on anyone with my issues, health or economical struggle. I can't do that if my emotions get in the way! I can't do it if she is constantly beating me up!

That crush I've had for 3 years now, just had a conversation with his friends in class. He had said that there's a girl he's crushed on for 3 years. (I don't know if he was talking about his cyber contact with her or her boyfriend's cyber contact) but he said it as though there wasn't much real life contact. When I heard how distressed he was, I started to cry. Not because he likes this girl, but for how long he's liked her and how passionate he is. It hurts because I thought I was the one in a tight spot. He's in a worse spot than I am.

These are the 3 things that hurt me most right now. I just don't know how to deal with the first 2 situations. The third I can wait out since he stares at me anyways.

It drives me nuts when he does because I know he's straight.... (maybe?)

 

Thank you. Yes, I have to be strong and stay that way.
And, that something that you were talking about, I hope I find it soon.