All the reasons that hold me back from coming out to just about everyone <root> all the way back to religion (Or Christianity, better put) I'm not actually bitter in any way towards "God" or Christianity period. It's just, I would really appreciate it if God had left out the whole "Your Gay?- Your goin to Hell." When I truly came to terms with my sexuality, I already knew (I was about 9-10) that I couldn't tell anyone, and that it wasn't ~at least in my family~ a good thing. So, I never did tell anyone. As a couple years went by, I had come to a couple of conclusions; 1. I was definitely, inevitably gay. 2. I had decided I wouldn't try to hide by dating girls, since I knew it would only cause harm to me and whoever the "girlfriend" was. 3. I was almost convinced I am going to hell if I decide to be with another man. (and am still not sure, especially now) 4. I seriously needed a friend to get all this sh*t off my chest. 5. I didn't (and still don't) have any friends I would feel absolutely comfy coming out to. (except maybe one, now, the rest would just clam up cause they are so damn close-minded) 6. I had decided I wasn't so sure about this Christian thing, as the sheltered walls my parents had built were almost non-existent by then. So now, I live with my mom and step-dad (and step-bro) and they think I am perfectly fine, pretty innocent, and a believer. (Although, I know my mom has caught on that things have changed a little bit, since I don't talk with her about God like I used to. I know she has never suspected me of being gay though, I know that.) If I ever "came out", at least while I still lived in this house, I would be fully rejected (of course, what else can you expect when your gay ) and be sent to Counselors or our Pastor (of quite a large church) for help or something else crazy. All it would take for them would to be a bit more nosy, and I would be screwed. I'm still trying to figure out what kind of life I am going to live- Maybe a one of solitude, where I decide I believe in God and stay single, and pursue what I feel led by God to do. Even if I did that though, I wouldn't stay closeted, I just wouldn't "pursue the homo lifestyle" as I'm sure my family would put it. Or two, come out and pursue a relationship, etc.* It's ultamitely my decision, but I could really use some advice and support. This is one of my biggest struggles, and I don't know if it will make sense to some of you, but for those who do understand, advice I needed. (No one else but those on EC to talk about this with)
Sometimes you can be pleasantly surprised as to who will be accepting of you. Some of the most "conservative and religious" people in my life have, much to my surprise, been very accepting. I don't know if your parents have made statements directly insulting gay people or not, maybe that will help you know where they stand. It sounds like you're struggling with various different issues such as if you even believe in the religion you were raised and whether or not you can continue in religion if you do live as a gay man. There are an increasing number of religions that are accepting of gays. I am a unitarian universalist. Keep an open mind and check out different things.
You know... I won't say that I completely believe in God anymore, at least not the God that's talked about in Christianity, but I will say that there are a whole lot of people who may seem closed-minded that are, in fact, very accepting of LGBT people. I have two Catholic friends and two Christian friends of another denomination, and all four of them were very accepting when I told them, even one who I thought would shun me forever. I'm not saying to be reckless and do something that would result in someone actually shunning you, but just think for a second about how many of your friends would hate you for this. Have you ever brought up the topic of gays with any of your friends? Maybe their reactions to that wouldn't be so bad as you would think. Just remember that everything will work out in the end, 'kay?
Okay.. I don't believe in god anymore, but I'm not going into detail about that. All I'm going to say, is that if someone really loves you, they will accept you even if they disapprove of your "life style". I told one of my friends I was gay, she is the most religious person I know, extremely faithful and lives by the bible in a way I have ever seen, yet when I told her she was gentle and kind. Of coarse she asked me if wanted to change to change being gay and that anything was possible with god, that is if I believed it could be changed. I said I don't believe it can be. She left me alone about that and she is very accepting of who I am. She even helps me come out to people when I want to tell somebody. Very tolerant and loving, likes true Christian should be. Never shoves her beliefs down my throat but if I were to ask about her beliefs she would gladly explain them to me. You never know. I mainly told her so I could end the friendship and move one because she is my close friend. Everything turned out okay. Every person I have told is accepting, even the really religious ones. Good luck.
I lost my faith shortly before I accepted myself as bisexual. It was not a conscious decision to stop believing, it was a realization that I just could not believe it anymore. I was quite fundamentalist christian in highschool and a little more liberal in college. But it was not until I lost my faith that I was able to be myself and actually be happy in who I was. The further I step away from it, the more ridiculous and small it looks. Sorry to offend anybody, I am just expressing what it feels like to finally be on the outside looking in. There are plenty of religious folks that will be accepting of you, but the fact still remains that who you are and how you live is "abomination" under biblical law. Funny how "abomination" in the bible is "love" in reality... Actually, that's not funny at all.
You are not alone, there are many of us on this forum who are struggling with the very same thing. I for one have been struggling with it for many years, I am a Christian and not for one second do I doubt the existence of God, there's way too many things in my life that tells me He is there, always have been and always will be. I think I also have to point out right about now that I'm not religious, I don't like religion in fact I despise it... Not being religious does not mean that I do not believe in God, nor that I'm not a Christian. It simply means that I choose not to believe the judgemental hogwash and hatred that some churches spew. There's a blog word of a woman Go have a look, read tough it and then decide for yourself.
@Incognito10 - I know for a fact that at least my family wouldn't accept it, they are all completely open with their disgust for gays. It really gets to me sometimes too. And concerning my friends, I really don't have any except for one that I trust enough to come out to anyway, wether or not they or she reject me. @Tails Luver - I actually have gotten on the topic of gays with most of my friends at different times, and some don't have much to say and others are disgusted @jvn95 - I have a friend like you mentioned, a true Christian and she is actually my best friend. I am sure I will probably come out to her soon, I'm excited and apprehensive about that (I'm almost positive she has a huge crush that has developed over time on me) It's because of true, passionate Christians like her and my mom that have stopped me from completely rejecting Christianity. And it isn't so much anymore whether or not I will be rejected, I don't really give a crap, I'm just in a situation were coming out to multiple people isn't an option. @TheSeeker - So true what you said about what is said to be an abomination is truly just love I definitely haven't lost my faith completely as you have, but as I have distanced myself from it I have noticed the ridiculous things as well. @Ditz - I'm like you, convinced that God is real from the experiences I have had. But in the bible it is pretty blunt that Homosexuality isn't permited in the Kingdom of Heaven. It bothers me so much, because I believe that if Christianity is THE true "religion" (I hate religion too, I'm smart enough to know it isn't about being perfect but having a relationship with God) than living a homosexual life isn't really acceptable. I hate being negative but it's what I am trying to understand everyday, thanks so much for your input Everyone, thanks so much for all the advice, I feel like I'm complaining excessively but it feels great to talk to other people who understand. Any more advice is appreciated <(*~*)>
If you want my honest opinion: fuck it. Seriously. If a religion is trying to keep you from being who you are and wants you to repress yourself, that's never healthy. I don't even think it's admirable. You are keeping yourself from being happy for an abstract concept that may not even be real. There's no evidence that deities exist. None. I guess I really don't understand that.
I believe that being gay and being christian are not mutually exclusive, you can be both! The bible is about not hurting others and helping them anyway you can. Remember a lot of the people who use the Bible to denounce homosexuality would be doing it anyway even if they weren't christians because homosexuality makes them feel uncomfortable and this gives them a legitimate excuse to be against it! There is a complete world of difference between a loving monogamous relationship and a lifetime of one night stands! [YOUTUBE]ezQjNJUSraY[/YOUTUBE] This video about a thorough study of the Bible by Matthew Vines left me absolutely speechless as it disarms the agruments people use against monogamous homosexuality. What God asks us to do is simple - don't hurt others and try to help them as best you can.
The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality - YouTube You should find time to watch this video. The guy examines the six biblical verses that seem to condemn homosexuality. It's really worth your time, as a gay christian. It could help you with coming to terms with your religion and your sexuality. ---------- Post added 19th Jan 2013 at 02:28 PM ---------- Hey, you must have posted right after I opened the thread, Splenda.
@Ditz One more thing, I really agreed with what you had put on my Thread, and then I saw your long reply to "Hate Religion". I just wanted to say that everything that you say you have questioned and tried to understand is matched exactly to what I have tried to understand. I believe there is a God and that it just wouldn't be right for him to create someone like me/you, and then send us to Hell for being ourselves. I have also decided I would rather live in Celibacy than fake with a girl or hide my sexuality. It sickens me when I realize just how rejected people are from religion, and I wish that would change, but it won't. I'm still not sure if I believe Homosexuality isn't wrong in the eyes of God, but I really hope it isn't. Like you, I will continue to do soul-searching/researching, because it will affect my entire future and life. Thanks for all the advice.
