...I've always wanted to start a thread like that. Anyway this guy and I have about a year of history as friends. He's the first guy that I came out to after moving to go to college. Granted, he got me to start drinking and that night I was way beyond drunk. Anyway I used to have a major crush on this guy and he found out and completely disassociated himself with me. However durring this time persons he was a total ass to everyone myself included. This was almost 8 months ago. Fast forward to the last 3 months. He's got a gay roomie and works as a "dancer" at a local club. he still claims he's straight, but we have a lot of information that says otherwise. Most of the people that we all used to hang out with have either stopped hanging out with him due to mutual annoyance or because they've gotten tired of putting up with him (think NPH and Sam Malone(from cheers) mixed togeather and add in a major drinking problem). I've started avoiding him, but we've both kept each others mass amount of secrets that we've told each,other. Now to the question part. Last night I ran into him at a school function and I had also ran into him at a another one about a month ago. While he used to be a total ass, now it's like he's trying to change and may want to be friends again. My question is should I let him come bac into my life if he has changed or keep him on the "outer circle" so to speak?
Good question. It is a personal decision. How I believe is giving second chances if I think it is safe for me. I do not put myself into a bad situation again. I believe as my pastor said we can forgive and not forget (God can, I am human), we are not being unforgiving to not place ourselves back into bad company that can make us do wrong or get us hurt. If he got you to drink, and is an alcoholic, associating with him will likely get you drinking too much again. Drinking is funny that way, association. If he has a problem, he needs to want help to go to AA, but sometimes a guy can't do it until he hits rock bottom and the only place next is to look up. On the other hand, if he truly said he is trying to change, and you see something in that...some true light in his eyes...and if you were not brought down by him before so it won't cause you to fall, then by all means have a heart. Bad guys DO change! Some peeps can't ever forgive. They shun forever. How does that bring any hope to them? If all abandon him, and you believe in him and help him on his recovery journey as his friend, that ...well, how do you think that would make you feel if the tables were turned? Maybe take it cautious...you decide.
I'd give him a chance if he seems genuine. I've changed a lot myself over the years, I wasn't exactly a total dick, but I used to be pretty annoying. My friends have stuck with me, and for that I'm always very grateful ^_^. However, absolutely do not get overexcited yet, I'd give it a little while to see if he really has changed, and don't bother nurturing any feelings for him if he's still really confused about his sexuality (or if he's just plain straight), as you will inevitably be hurt by the fallout. However, if he seems nicer, than go ahead, be friends with the guy If he has decided he's gay/bisexual (and you confirm that, as in, he tells you), then I'd definitely give a chance dating wise. Just make sure you don't fall for him all over again when he's incapable of returning your feelings.
