I joined EC a year ago and have not stayed with it. That being said, Im back and have a lot of similar issues to why I first joined. I year ago I posted that I have a crush on my best friend. Now I can tell you that I am fully in love with him. There has been things that have made me think he might be gay throughout our friendship. Some of these things I am sure I viewed some of these things in an angle because I want him to love me back. But just recetly he told me he is talking a girl, he said its only been a few days and they are just texting so its nothing serious. He asked me how I felt about it, and I told him my fears of him spending time with her and not with me. I AM NOT OUT BTW. After a hour long talk he said "I wont talk to her if it is going to make you upset." I am so confused, as much as I want to think there is a possibility that he is in love with me, my brain is telling me he is just a really nice loving caring straight friend. So here is my question, the only way I know how to accept that and get over him is to distance myself from him. (Basically ending the friendship) This is very difficult seeing as i live across the hall from him, and were both on the basketball team in college. I dont know what to do... My anxiety is killing me and I could really use sincere guidance. Thanks!
I think that anyone can sympathize with your situation (I know I can!), and agree that you're in a bit of a quandary. First, you might want to approach him about a gay rights issue in the news, or ask him where he stands on the topic. If he says that he is comfortable with the LGBT community, that's great, but if he is more conservative, it can still work out. Because he is your best friend, you should consider coming out to him, or, taking it a rung higher, telling him how you feel. If he's a true friend, he'll stand by you no matter what. -Rivers
Exactly what Rivers said. Why not just stop letting this eat you up, and confess your feelings for him? If he can't accept it then he was never a true friend as you are still the same person. That's the thing about worrying what others think. If someone thinks negatively about you, they are not worth your time and it would have been a waste of time to deal with them anyway. So tell him and if he doesn't like it, at least you know. Ask him if he loves you. If you ask, he could say no, or he could say yes. But if you don't ask then the answer will always be a no.
I wouldn't make a move on him or tell him you love him just yet if I were you. It seems like he might be straight, so the first step should be coming out to him. Like the others said, if he is a true best friend he will understand.
I completely agree with you, and furthermore I can say from experience that this is exactly the best thing to do. I crushed on my bisexual male friend for about 3 and a half months, and after the first month knew that I loved him (not in the dramatic "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU RARRR" way, but in the sense that I my feelings were multidimensional; I felt attracted to him, I respected him, I wanted him to be happy, and most all I cared a great deal about him, unconditionally). Well, after months of ups and downs of not knowing whether or not he liked me (you can read the saga here), I eventually decided to write a letter to him explaining everything, in a no-pressure sort of way. I just explained how much I cared about him, and that if he felt the same, I'd love to see if we could be more than friends, but that if he didn't feel the same, I'd respect that, and would still want to be his friend. He didn't feel the same, but the way he let me down was really sweet and understanding (he really deserves a lot of credit for how kind he was, he really made me feel appreciated), proving that he was (and is) a great friend. We had a long talk about things, and finally worked out how things would be. That was about a month ago, and we're still good friends. Like SOULKitchen said, if he's a good friend, he'll at least do his best to be kind (he may be a little surprised, but as long as you don't get clingy or weird, he'll get over it), and he may even turn out to feel the same. If he does something douchy, well, he was never a good friend in the first place, so who cares WTF he thinks I really do advise telling him through a letter however. It's good for multiple reasons: A) It doesn't trap him, it gives him time to think things over, figure out how he feels about the information. If you do it in person, there is a lot of pressure for him to either say yes or no, and he might not even be ready to come to terms with you feeling that way. B) It lets you think about how exactly you feel about him, and convey it clearly. It's soooo easy to fuck things up in a conversation, and unintentionally look like a creep or super-awkward. My policy is this: If I strongly suspect my crush feels the same about me, and I know that he's gay/bi, then I'll just ask him out in person, and skip the "confession" stage. However, for situations where you either don't know the persons sexuality, or you've been friends with them for a while (and hence this news may be a bit of a mindfuck for them), a letter is best.
I know exactly how it feels for a crush to turn into love. I'm in love (unconditionally) with my Biology teacher. It is just how 4AllEternity described. I respect him, admid him and judt want him to be safe and happy, which is how he's made me feel. When I'm with him I don't want to leave. I really wish he could be my soul mate, he's perfect - fair, kind and supporting. Loves animals as much as I do, and is always there for me. I have written a letter explaining everything, I just don't know when to give it to him for two reasons: 1). I honestly don't know what he thinks of LGBT people, which I should be finding out soon but is because of the second reason: 2). I'm nervous about how he will react. I'm also not that good with words since my confidence has been crushed. We have a good friendship, and I don't want to ruin that! I would certainly take the advice already mentioned, let us know what you decide (and how it goes!).
Is running away the right answer? At least he is not dating anybody yet. If you never tell him, he can never know...how can any guy be expected to guess without proof?
