I had been confused a few years ago for realizing I REALLY liked a guy. I respected him, enjoyed talking with him (for hours), thought he was really funny, and we kept finding we had so many odd things in common it was uncanny. I had assumed back before I knew the term transgender, and when I thought gender and sexuality were linked same, that it means I really am a straight girl after all, I finally have feelings for a guy. okay, he really seemed to like me too, I can't post here as I never want him to find out. But I found out later he hid one important thing...he is gay. He was happy to see I did not hate and shun him after that, as I am Christian and I had said "oh I know gay is wrong" once to him...dang. Feelings didn't all go away even though I knew he could not seriously love me cuz of that. Sadly, even though I know I am straight and male, my thinking has always been geared to female body, I am concerned that I still have not gotten over him completely. Is it just cuz he is physically attractive (face that everybody likes)? I seen him be so kind to others, which I think was what got to me originally. But anytime he (rarely now) talks or types to respond to me on FB, I feel something, and I don't know what this is abt. He did yesterday, said I was funny. It felt good to have just that. But then I woke up this morning realizing I had him in my dream. He is a nice person, but I don't want feelings for him. He knew me as female...I was sadly in my most girl stage ever when we met. When we last saw each other we talked 6 hours straight, time flew for us both, he paid the dinner bill, and I not only didn't say I am trans, I told him I am a girl twice. I think I fear him knowing both I feel male (peeps say I talk/act male anyways) and that he ever know I (gulp) love him. I just want him to have a happy life...but I don't feel comfy thinking I want him to love me. I want that to go away. How can I get my mind to just realize we are acquaintances not really even friends and that he is not for me?
Well, I can't say I've ever loved someone but not wanted too (when there is a possibility of them loving me back; of course we've all experienced unrequited love before), but if you're absolutely sure you don't want to go anywhere with this, the best thing to do is distance yourself from him. Try to spend less time around him, talking to him, etc. Don't be mean, just sort of stop making an effort to talk to him. If I were in your place, I would probably talk to the guy, explain that he's a great guy, but that you just don't identify as female. I greatly appreciated how kind my first serious crush was to me when he had to let me down, so I've made it my policy to return the favor to anyone else that develops feelings for me that I do not return. However, I understand if that would be too difficult for you. Anyways, there's no way to just turn your feelings off, but I guarantee that if you avoid seeing him, and most of all, DO NOT make any physical contact (touching is part of how human bonds form, when you touch someone you're attracted to, your brain releases a surge of pleasurable neurotransmitters, hence the addicting nature of love) with him, your feelings will fade. Love is completely based upon a few neurochemicals, such as dopamine, vasopressin, oxytocin, norepinephrine, seratonin, etc, which are released when you see and talk to the person, and especially when you touch each other. This is why love feels so obsessive, you're essentially trained like a dog to associate feeling good (on several levels, happiness, serenity, etc) with that person, hence you literally become addicted to them. Being away from them feels bad, it's hard to focus on anything, you obsess about when you'll next see them, etc. Amusingly, just like cocaine. However, the less contact you have, the faster you'll get over him. It'll take a good month or so for your feelings to reduce to a much more relaxed level, the first couple weeks may be hard, but the negative feelings and obsessive thoughts will subside soon after.
Well i saw him about five months ago and wont be able to for five more....school. but we see each others stuff on FB and evidently it makes it prolong. It is like cocaine. I don't 100% know that i would never want anything of any kind with him, i just know it will be easier to move on than feel like this...its hard to explain and not go into it all. I just wish things were different.
Stop looking at his Facebook page, and avoid reading anything related to him that appears on yours. Trust me. I used to check out my friends page every now and then while I was still moving on, and it just made things worse. Give yourself a few weeks of avoiding anything to do with him, and then you'll find it's a lot easier. Now, I don't get nearly as worked up looking at things that remind me of my old crush. You just need time.
Thank you. I think so too. I got settings for only most important. You think it means if dying right? I get pix of his dog. So i will ignore all possible...unless he was dying. Appreciate your advise.
