I was planing on coming out to my mom like really soon, within the next month. But today she said something to me that made me rethink coming out to her. (I thought she would be alright with me being gay) Mom; *said some rhyme pun Me; your a regular Hannah hart(gay youtuber) Mom; you and Hannah could be best friends, just don't do that gay thing Me;(silent) Mom;*walks into other room. Just don't be a lesbian, I don't like that lesbian thing Me; :bang: :dry::eusa_doh: I don't know what to do, if something like that happens again what do I say? I guess I'm just looking for someone to say something like this happened to them and what they did in a situation like this:eusa_doh:
*Hugs* Haven`t been in that situation, sorry. But I empathize. I would be mighty frustrated, so I get that you are feeling down. Problem is though, it doesn`t really matter how your mother feel about the lesbian thing, it is not like you have a choice. Just remember, when your mother said this it was still not a reality to her. She wasn`t forced to seriously consider changing her opinion. When it is a reality and she is forced to accept it, it will hopefully turn out different. Don`t judge completely one thing she said, that could be less serious than you fear right now. Have you considered asking her, if you were a lesbian, if she would love you less?
More than likely she already knows and suspects, and the response you got is one of the first steps in the stages of loss... denial. (the steps are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.) Many parents say things like that when they suspect, because at some unconscious level they're hoping it isn't true and thinking that saying that will make it not true. Of course, that's totally faulty logic. But lots and lots of parents do it. I wouldn't let it keep you from coming out, and I don't think it's going to make a difference... once you do come out, she may have some anger or unhappiness about it initially, but given that her response really wasn't all that strong, I am pretty confident she'd get over it pretty quickly.
I have to agree with Chip. My mother was always asking me, "You're not gay, are you?", and was a little bit shaken when I came out, but she got over it very quickly. Your parents will always be your parents, and they will always care about you, no matter what, so I think you should go for it!
Yes, a big plus one to Chip. It sounds like she already knows or somehow suspects it. I'm just wondering whether it's a good idea to come out soon. Because if it's on her mind right now, then it's probably a good time to catch it. You don't want her to get over it and go further into denial and for her to move on from thinking about the whole lesbian thing. Like a few years ago before I had come out to my parents, I think my parents suspected I was gay. And my Mom asked me in passing, and I denied it. And that was it. She didn't suspect or confront the idea for another five years until I finally came out a few months ago. It would have been much easier to come out then, but after that point, my Mom put it out of her head and stopped thinking about it. Clearly, your Mom is thinking about it now. If she's saying "don't do that lesbian thing" then it's not a big logical jump to think she might have a negative reaction at first, but at least she is on the denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance ladder than Chip mentioned. If you leave this pass, and it passes for your Mom, then she has to hop on the ladder again some time in the future.
Thanks everyone, and yes I do suspect she knows something, things like this have been happening a lot this was probably the most frustrating though. I'm just worried....as always before I tell someone this secret but I thought she would be like alright with me being gay I mean obviously she wouldn't love it(I don't) but things that she has been saying lately have really been hurting me.
I've been in that situation with my dad and so far I feel like he's going through the first 3 parts, denial-anger-bargaining, but at the end of the day he says he loves me even if he's not OK with this. So perhaps your mom could be the same, not accepting at first but maybe much better later (like what I'm hoping with my dad) and still loves you no matter what
(*hug*) thanks, I'm not really worried about her not loving me though I know this won't stop her from loving me, I think I'm just worried about the akwardness after I tell her, and I hope things get better between you and your father
