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Confusion

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by VomAnderenUfer, Mar 2, 2008.

  1. VomAnderenUfer

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    This is a similar issue to the one raised in the poll Attraction vs. Orientation.

    Is it possible to be physically attracted to one gender but emotionally attracted to the other? I have been sexually attracted to men in the past, but I've never been able to imagine anything with them beyond the strictly sexual. Like, I wouldn't even want them to hug me. I don't think I have some deeply hidden, pseudo-Freudian trust issues with men that I would have to dig up out of the recesses of my brain and analyze. My best friend is a guy, and I get along better with guys on average. I have long drawn-out crushes on women who I have no chance with, and I can imagine having a serious relationship with a woman. However, I just don't know about the sex part. It's not that sex is a huge issue to me, but this is sexuality we're discussing on this forum.

    I feel like I need to have this figured out as soon as possible, because I know my parents have asked my sister if she thought I was gay, and it's only a matter of time before they ask me. They don't believe in bisexuality, and if I said that they probably say something like I'm selfish or immature. And, I'm not about to discuss this issue in depth with my very conservative parents. Even if they weren't conservative... ew. :help: That, and I don't want to feel like I'm using people to figure out my sexuality when I have a serious relationship.
     
  2. jroakwood

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    youre only fifteen.
    you have plenty of time to figure it out.
    just do what feels right, thats all i can really tell you.
     
  3. MusicIsLife

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    I felt similar to that at 15. It took a few yars, but i finally came to the realization that I'm a lesbian and not bisexual. Don' rush it, and if they, as in your parents ask you, you can always say something along the lines of "I don't know,". Thats what I said to my aunt who asked me several times a year if i was gay, and the "I don't know" bit worked until I was sure. And now shes in denial! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: in any case, good luck, and i hope everything goes well. *hug*
     
    #3 MusicIsLife, Mar 2, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2008
  4. Zec24

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    I can completely relate to this part of your post. Though I've never been sexually attracted to men but I can tell when some of them are attractive. I used to think I could be attracted to men when I found some males have great bodies, but then I realized I was just jealous because I couldn't have abs and muscles like that (I know weird).

    I can see myself in a serious relationship with a woman, but at the same time I'm also not sure about the sex thing. I just hope my first girlfriend is seriously patient. I think for me, and this may not apply to you, that most of my problems stem from the fact that I'm 22 and have never had a physical relationship with anyone. I used to think I was asexual, but realized I wasn't. I think I did some serious repression in my teenage years.

    To answer your question though, it probably is possible to be attracted to one gender physically and one emotionally though that would be confusing. I'm not sure how to help with that. Just wanted to say I understand not being sure about sex.
     
  5. VomAnderenUfer

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    I'm 20, but in terms of sexual experience I might as well be 15. I guess the issue is that I've never been in a physical relationship with anyone, although I've had plenty of opportunities with guys before.

    Yeah, me too on both counts. I guess I'll just have to wait it out after all.
     
  6. Zec24

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    I might as well be 15 when it comes to sexual maturity as well. I feel like a 15 year old teenage boy when it comes to sex. Its something very foreign and intangible to me. Its like I just can't imagine I'll ever do that. I hope I can find someone some day who I'll feel comfortable enough with to have sex, but at the same time I'm not actively seeking it. I just want a nice, stable relationship first.

    I know it sucks waiting to figure things out, but I guess that's all you can do. I don't think throwing yourself at anyone will solve anything, but that's just my personal opinion. I won't do anything I'm not comfortable with even under peer pressure and god knows there's been enough of that. Luckily for me, most guys leave me alone and don't hit on me. My friends say I give off this vibe of "don't even bother" or something. I guess I intimidate people.
     
  7. divadarya

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    <<They don't believe in bisexuality, and if I said that they probably say something like I'm selfish or immature.>>
    Oh,I SO relate to this one...!! Just like people don't *Believe* in Transsexuality.I've heard so much crap like "Aren't you really being homophobic? Wouldn't it be better to just admit you are gay?"
    It's just another reflection of our stupid Two-Genders-Only-Thank-You-Very-Much prejudice we've inherited from adapting our beliefs from some ancient desert crazies.
    Why shouldn't our sexuality be as infinite and subtle as the diversity of nature? I'm telling you, the "XY" chromosome makes all men paranoid;it's delicate from an evolutionary standpoint and might be gone in 20,000 years. We are all "XX" or female by default; "maleness" is just an adaptation with a very high opinion of itself and it hates anything that seems to threaten its status quo....(not a "man diss" I love the hairy, hard, deep voiced fellas myself)
    Bottom line?
    You sure as hell can be Bisexual...