Cant accept im a lesbian.

I know things seem hectic now, but things will get better. Continue going to those support groups as they can be very helpful. I actually wouldn't mind going to a few myself just for that extra support. My family accepts me 100%, but I still cannot believe I'm gay.

I'm happy though and soon enough you will be too. It's going to take a lot of time, courage and strength to pull through. I'm here for you and I promise you that things will get better as long as you believe they will (*hug*)

 

Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets!

It's totally normal to have some shame like you are describing that causes you pain, it's the result of living in a homophobic society. It's hard for all of us, I have a family that isn't homophobic at all, and I still had a very hard time coming out and accepting myself, it was terrifying.

The way to overcome shame is to talk about the thing you are ashamed of in a safe environment, with people who will support you. It's very difficult to do that, of course, because it is the nature of shame to make you not want to talk about it. Going to the support group thing you went to was a good idea. It's okay that it freaked you out the first time, it's very hard to deal with something like this. Maybe it will be easier if you try again.

The other thing you could do is try to pick one good friend to tell. You don't have to tell them all at once, you start with just one person. Choose someone that you know is not homophobic. Do it in whatever way works best for you--if you can't say it out loud, do it a different way.

If you don't have any friends who aren't homophobic, it would be a good idea to make a concerted effort to make friends with a few people who aren't, as a first step. Then proceed to pick one of them to come out to.

Finally, just keep holding on. The hard part will not last forever. You can get through this, and it will be all right. Even if your parents are very homophobic, they will most likely come around. But even if they don't, you will not be alone. Believe it or not, though, your biggest struggle will probably be to overcome your own feelings about it--your parents may be very difficult, but your own shame will most likely be the hardest thing. That's the awful feeling you were talking about.

You are a worthy person. There is nothing wrong with you. Your feelings are normal, a natural part of you. You have the ability to love, and your love is as good and right and valuable as anyone's.

Don't be mad at yourself for freaking out, or for being ashamed. Those are normal responses to what your experiences have been. Just keep going, and keep trying to change what is in your power to change for the better.

Your sexuality is not in your power to change. But other things are. There are things you can do to make your life better.

It's okay if you get scared, just don't give up.

 

I can totally relate to you. \I cant still fully accept hat I'm gay or bi or whatever. I hope this does not offend anyone, but I do sometimes wish I was straight. Also, a lot of homosexual things still freak me out.

 

I'm in the process of coming out to my family. I am still working on fully accepting myself for being gay. No one person is obligated to only love someone they think they are allowed to love. I've been working on myself for literally for 10 years now...wow time flies. I did have the feeling of being a pressure cooker, I was always so paranoid of being caught doing something that would say to other people I'm gay. I have been out to my friends, they too deal with their own issues and fears. When I finally told my aunt recently, an enormous weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I could breathe without feeling restricted I am definitely going to come out to my Dad. He's the last of the important people There came a point in my life that I could no longer live a lie and not be honest with myself and others. I can't & couldn't do it anymore, I am even married to a guy who I've been with for 10 years now..just to have a sort of cover for myself, that's how much I feared being rejected from my family.

Everyone in their own way and in their own time will come to terms with being gay or what ever label you decide feels right. Everyone has courage inside of them, you just have to find it

 

I used to think that I was "suppose" love men, but when I think about my past, I've always been attracted to women. You're suppose to love those whom you're attracted to and trying to change that isn't any good to your mental health. Society and our parents expectations of us can often make us change how we truly feel. However, this is your life to live, laugh and learn. I know it's not easy, but it's possible. Please don't allow others to make you feel bad about who you are (*hug*)

 

I understand totally. I was in a similar position to u . I still am a bit , iver told some friends which was a huge pressure off beileve me. So seee if u can tell one off ur friends , if u cant I found coming on here talking about my feelings help. My family is also homophobic and I'm not twlling them , do i wish too yes. Maybe one day. Take it one day at a time.

 

I think a lot of people go through this stage of being ashamed. It takes a while to accept that you are going against something that you have been taught your whole life. My parents used to go on and on about how it's bad to be gay. When I first admitted to myself that I was gay, I freaked out. I couldn't be. But after some time and talking it out with people, I realized that it was ok. I was lucky enough to be friends with people who already went through the coming out process and came from backgrounds similar to mine. If you don't have that, I would try and find someone to talk to. Even if it's just on here. that way, If you ever need to vent or freak out or whatever, that person can be your ear. Most anyone on here would be willing to talk to you I'm sure so just message us if you need to. You might not have a support a home but you have one here so use it. Keep your head up. It does get easier and time will help.

 

Yay!!! I'm glad to hear that you're going to give it another try. Gosh, I should try going to a meeting my darn self. And I know how things can be very overwhelming, but things will get better in time (*hug*)

 

Congratulations on coming out to your friend! That's a huge step!

I'm so glad you're going back to the support group. I'm sure it will go better this time. Let us know how it goes!

 

I'm very impressed you're already going to support groups! That usually doesn't take place until later, so that was probably why you freaked out a bit. (I'm out to quite a few people but have yet to join a group!) Congrats on telling your friend and your group. I commend your bravery.