I'm gay and happy, but I hate gay/bi men with passion

I have accepted my sexuality and I'm happy as happy can be with myself
My major dilemma is the gender I have to deal with...gay/bi MEN!!

I just can't stand them. They love themselves so much I always think that they probably would rather seduce themselves than anyone else. All they want is sex sex and more sex, they don't care about you other than what's underneath your shirt or what's inside your pants. All they care about is what type of sex you like rather than about you. They are major a holes and I can't stand them. People always say "there some good men out there" where?? I've looked all over and received nothing back. They only want you for one thing and if you don't comply with what they want "bye bye". In fact I don't even have any gay guy friends. Why? Because they are idiots and I can't stand them. I can't believe I'm a guy myself, I feel so shamed even though I'm nothing like the others...

All my straight male friends are so kind we hang out and have fun and would practically die for each other, gay men? Nope! Nothing!!
I'd rather have feeling for girls. At least they love you appreciate you and listen to you and not care about the size of your dik or your sex options.

I'm so depressed right now, infact im so depressed I'm googling medication to change my feeling hormones to like girls. I don't care of it costs me a fortune.

I'm so over it. Don't tell me girls are the same because I haven't met one girl that's treated me like crap...

 

Hi,

You are obviously shopping in the wrong store.

Find different places to meet gay men.

Find gay special interest hobby clubs, find gay hiking groups, find gay sports leagues, find gay churches, etc, etc, etc. avoid gay bars for they attract those looking for a meat market (my opinion).

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

You do not hate gay men, you hate where you are shopping for them. So make a change.

Stuck

 

Where are you finding these guys? I live in Melbourne, and some of my closest friends are gay guys and some of the loveliest people I've ever met.

 

I agree with Stuck Mistake, it really sounds like you may need to look in other places. If you try dating sites online, be sure it is an actual dating site and not a hookup site. Also, if you're in a big city, there are likely many LGBT or just gay mens groups of all sorts. I met my husband (we've been together a total of 4 years now) online and we just talked online for a couple weeks before ever meeting. You really find out how patient a person is this way. If you find that a person is pressuring you to hurry up and meet or if the conversation is constantly turning to sex, that person probably isn't who you are looking for. Also, remember that men are highly sexual and straight women go through this type of thing all the time with men.

 

elietto92...

Sorry to hear that you've had some very bad experiences with those types of 'gay' men. Not all of us are like that. If you're finding these guys online, that's part of your problem. The dating sites are hideous (I have yet to find a true dating site that isn't a hookup site).

Try getting involved here more....you'll find the most loving, caring people. I know I have. And if there here...they're also out there somewhere.

 

Sounds like you've had a pretty bad experience and that's rather unfortunate. There are lots of decent Bi and Gay guys out there that's looking for steady monogamous relationships and not just a quick roll in the hay. As everyone above pointed out, you're looking in the wrong places, so be patient, it's a virtue after all.

But that's not why I'm writing... I'm more concerned about you googling medication to turn you straight... Sorry buddy but there's no such thing, if there was a lot of us would not be on here. Just imagine, popping a pill and not having to go trough all the emotional trauma and stress that a huge percentage of us have to go trough, I think I would be first in line for that.

Time will make things better and you will be happy, meeting someone great!

 

I don't particularly get on with other gay men. All of my friends are straight guys. Other than liking men, I have nothing in common with other gays.

 

Posts like that perpetuate the image that gay men are different to straight men, which leads to homophobia.

They aren't, really. I'll agree that some gay men can be excessively feminine, but you notice them more because they're the ones who act different from the majority (which isn't a problem, but it's the same comparison that you'd likely notice a woman with all her head shaved and a mohawk as opposed to the 'traditional' looking women, they simply stand out because they don't conform to the majority). What you don't notice are the gay men who are simply men who like guys. On top of that, my closest guy friend is straight, sort of feminine, very bitchy and gossips like mad. He doesn't exactly conform to the model of a masculine guy, so using the same kind of logic that seems to be going on in this thread, I could turn round and say 'Because of x guy, I don't get on with guys. They're all bitchy and gossipy!'


tl:dr - generalizations don't work, never have worked and never will work. Everyone is an individual and you can't rule them off simply because of misconceptions.

To the OP:

It sounds like you've had a bad encounter with one or two gay men and condemning all other gay men for their crimes. That isn't fair or rational.

I have 5 gay male friends, and only ONE of them is remotely bitchy and gossipy. The other 4 hang out with their friends, play sports, play games etc and basically, you wouldn't guess that they were gay.

 

Well gay men are different to straight men, gay men are attracted to men and straight men are attracted to women. Gay men tend to talk about sexuality a lot and it seems like that's all their life revolves around. I think about my sexuality every day, so the last thing I want is somebody constantly bringing it up in conversation.

It wasn't meant to sound homophobic. It's just like a man saying he gets along with other men more as friends, does that make him sexist? Not really. It has nothing to do with femininity, because I have plenty of friends that are girls which are very feminine.

It's not something I consciously decided, 'I shall not talk and/or be friends with gay men!'. It's just what I've noticed. I talk to a few gay guys, but the topic of being gay always seems to arise. Yes, I'm gay, but lets not discuss it on every possible occasion.

You made a generalisation about me instead of asking why I feel the way I do. You assumed that I just decided not to be friends with gay men because that's how I perceive them to be. Not the case at all. I have just never met a gay friend that I am on the same wave-length as. Not saying it won't ever happen, but as of now I have no actually gay friends.

 

... Out of all my gay friends/acquaintances/etc, the topic of being gay very, very rarely comes up. And even if it did, I don't think it'd be unfair for them to do so. You say your whole life shouldn't revolve around it, and that's true to a lesser extent, but sexuality makes up a huge part of your own identity. Your identity is how you relate to people, and if you find someone who's gay, you have some common grounds.

No offense, but your last sentence pretty much infers that your own problems, issues and hang ups with your sexuality are the cause of the disconnection between you and them. Not them themselves.

There is a world of a difference between saying you get on with x group more than y group, than saying you don't get on with y group at all. That is discrimination, if only on a lesser scale. I'm sorry, that's just how I see it.

What if I said 'I don't get on with black people.'? I wouldn't expect a friendly reception in the slightest, by anyone.

No, it sounds to me more that you have your own hang ups about your own sexual identity that you don't want to be confronted by others who are more confident in theirs. I'm sorry, it's not meant to be a personal attack, but I don't believe in supporting others in their ideology where it might hurt their enjoyment in life. And you responded to the OP with cooperation and supporting, if only indirectly by saying you feel the same way too, which will only encourage him in thinking gay people are different to straight guys and that justifies discrimination. I don't agree with that, and again I'll say, I also don't believe gay guys are different to straight guys to begin with.

just to point out, it's impossible to make a generalisation on one individual. I made a judgement, but a judgement based on the facts you provided, not what I deduced from my own experiences. Again, there is a world of difference between the two. I made my judgement based on you, not what community you represent and disregard you completely as an individual.

Anyway, my whole point was you should treat everyone as an individual and try to work past your own grievances or hang ups based around misconceptions. No one should disregard an individual for the sake of previous experiences.

And before you or the OP say 'I don't', you've both admitted to having the attitude that you don't get on with gay people. This does infact influence your own behaviour when you're around gay people; because you yourself think you don't get on with gay people, the moment you meet a gay guy, you're likely to think 'great, I won't get on with him', which will likely dictate how social interactions will go.

The promotion of self prophecy, basically. If you think you won't get on with someone, you won't get on with them.

 

I won't use quotes because it'll take forever. It probably does have a lot to do with my own hangups, point given. I'm not completely 'out', so I probably fear that those who are more confident with themselves will draw attention to my own sexuality.

If I met a gay guy that was in the same position as myself it would probably be completely different. I do generally avoid all conversation regarding sexual orientation. I don't mean to be discriminatory, if that's how it comes across, I apologise.

I only really know a couple of gay people and have family members that are gay and I just find it difficult speaking to them. Not necessarily because of them as people, but because of how I feel. My straight friends know that I'm gay, but they don't ask about it a lot because it doesn't really affect them and/or they don't fully understand it.

I would love a gay friend that could help me through things, but people that are 'out and proud' tend to expect others to be the same. I feel judged almost because I don't meet those expectations. It was a gay guy that outed me to a lot of people, so that could be a contributing factor also.

I do get carried away and come across rather blunt in my posts, but I don't meant to. I usually realise I shouldn't have said certain things after I click post. I guess I do have a long way to come compared to other LGBT individuals. I just don't want to lose myself and become somebody that forgets how I once felt and be able to help people that are in my position now rather than posing pressure on them.

 

Hi,

Now you are moving to your "type". That is good in finding them.

You are looking for a masculine, closeted gay, with no stereotypical gay habits. You can build on that frame work.

You won't find those on dating sites or gay night clubs it is all going to people you encounter and get to know.

If you know any gay men ask them if they know anyone that fits your type.

You are going to have to put yourself out there to some extent.

This is mostly on you changing and taking chances and being more open. You can be closeted without being invisible.

I met a closeted masculine guy just by being seen being friendly to somebody openly gay. Seeing me with that person raised questions in his mind and he got to know me.

Stuck

 

Finally....I'm not alone!

I'm in a fairly similar situation.

I've never had a meaningful relationship. All the guys that have have looking are just disgusting.

For the most part, it is about looks. The about how hipster you are, how skinny you are, and how hot those skinny jeans looks. But this can be said for straight people, too. There are plenty of straight males that only want "a piece of that." It is NOT just a gay thing. If you ask your straight friends, I'm sure they won't say "yes, I am not at all interested with how lovely her personality is!"

You say you are out to your family - not your friends? Look, don't want to be a stereotype here, but your straight friends might be different if they knew you were gay. In my opinion, straight guys aren't going to be friends with us like the friendships we have with our girls. (IN MY EXPERIENCE.) I have no male friends.

Every group does what you say. You might know some great straight guys, and I don't.

SECONDLY, what age group are you looking at? I'm really different - I'm very mature. So just take a guess as to which group of guys I look towards? I'll give you a hint - it's the same amount as a quarter!
Sexually, I look at guys my age. But in terms of a meaningful relationship, I look towards slightly older people. I don't want to deal with the crap you are talking about. But to say its just a gay thing is wrong. There are just as many issues with guys and girls our age.

And hey - if they just want sex, then at least you're getting somewhere!

 

Not sure if you're referring to me, but I'll reply to this part in particular. My straight friends know that I'm gay and it hasn't changed anything. I only have one friend that is a girl, but I prefer hanging around my male friends to be honest.

You're not alone at all. I guess it's just hard for us to be friends with people that are open with a part of ourselves that we have resented for so long. I realised that from the replies I got on this thread about the way I spoke earlier.

 

So, I was actually referring to the poster - I'm on an ipad so it's hard to directly quote small passages.

But, glad you replied. Read what you said - very interesting.

First, I know this is a forum, but I think it's so different, then, that your pic is what it is. Even though no one will know me, I could never do that and I'm fairly out! I know that it would be hard for you to be friends with me, for a lot of reasons. That's ok, but I just know that it will be a crapfest someday when I want to date.

Secondly, I'm glad your straight friends don't care. I understand why you are friends with them. But I could never be. All my friends are girls because, for the most part, they are so loving and caring. That's my personality. I need the love and support, because I give just as much back.

 

Sorry I'm also on my phone and got a little confused. For some reason I thought you were the OP when you said 'Finally...I'm not alone!' I assumed you were referring to my post.

I guess we all are just drawn to people that are like-minded and who we feel comfortable around. I don't think there's any expectation for you to have straight and/or male friends. I was friends with exclusively girls at school, so I understand. It just happened that when I started college, I was in a class with mostly guys (straight), one girl and another gay guy.

Plus, where I'm from straight guys always seem to have a gay one in their group of friends (not to sound like I'm generalising again...) :icon_wink

 

I'm sure most people have said you're just hanging around the wrong guys, and thats true. As a fellow fan of non-drama, I understand. I don't really have any pearls of wisdom expect that you have to keep looking for decent human beings, who just happen to be gay

 

That's fine! I meant that I have been having the same feelings and just thought I was some ignorant person.

Yeah, we are. That's why I am friends with girls....and my career field is female dominated (I currently work with special needs folks, and I am in school to be a nurse.)
There isn't an expectation, which is nice.

And yes! There's a huge part of this that is location based. Guys in my area aren't really interested. I don't want to generalize, either. I don't help the cause because I'm so scared of men. I get so nervous and I think that guys will automatically hate me - that's probably something I need to work out.

 

Yes, gay men != straight men. Also, yes, some stereotypes are true to a certain extent. But barely. Sure, perhaps mild femininity/androgyny are more common among gay then straight men, but that's more because of the flexible gender roles thing. When two men are in a relationship, it's very different dynamics then the usual hetero relationship, and hence gay men tend to be a little mix of both roles. I personally view this as one of the best parts of being gay and having a partner of the same sex; I feel more comfortable and more balanced in a gay relationship, since (at least in my ideal) there are no roles; no dominant or submissive partners (and I don't mean purely sexually, I mean in terms of attitude).

But really, it's incorrect to assume that there are strong trends in gay personality traits. There's plenty of variety in the gay community.

 

Look, people are people, are people! Liking men over women is like enjoying whiskey over vodka. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference to who you are as a person. Some people make their orientation into their overarching identity, everything they say or do advertises that they are gay. But think about all the different types of straight guys there are! It is just a preference!

To the poster who said that your straight friends won't treat you the same, you are right! In my case, I am closer than ever before with my straight male friends since coming out to them. Hell, some of them hit on me more than they used to, but there is no fear or mistrust or walking on eggshells when I am around. They know who I am, and it is not changed by the fact I want to date and/or bang dudes!

To the OP, your initial post made me cringe, because it is not fun to be pigeonholed or hated for no good reason. But you, like me, have a lot of learning ahead of you. I am sorry you had bad experiences but straight guys have plenty of bad experiences with girls too! There's not just one type of girl, any more than there is just one type of gay guy. If you are open and confident with yourself and others, you will find who you are looking for and they will be wonderful. I firmly believe that.

Best of luck to you,

The Seeker