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Parents are still hoping to make me straight

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Silvails52, Jan 21, 2013.

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  1. Silvails52

    Silvails52
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    I'm finally back at college, and I will admit, I did have a pretty good time back home. But there were plenty of bumps on the way. I came out to my family over break and they didn't take it very well... But as the break went on, they slowly started to get better. the topic dropped from conversation and they started treating me as me again. I thought that they had finally accepted me for me. Then they dropped me off at college. My mom handed me an index card. She said it had names of a bunch of Christian sites that don't condemn gays, but say that any relationship is sinful. She also gave me two numbers of guys who were gay but now have wives and kids and are living happily. My dad said that 15% of the population has homosexual thoughts but only 5% are actually homosexual. Personally, I'm offended. They don't know what's in my mind. And honestly, sometimes I don't either. They don't know what I feel and I get the feeling they still want me to find the right girl and get married. They just don't get it...
     
    #1 Silvails52, Jan 21, 2013
  2. CatofOld

    CatofOld
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    (*hug*)

    I am sorry you are going through this right now, it can be tough trying to deal with your issues and having to help walk mom and dad through this process to. It sounds like the break gave them the time to get chatty with google and they are just trying to be helpful in a kind of backwards way.

    I often find that a full semester is plenty of time for things to blow over/get resolved and you may find that come summer they have warmed up to the idea that you are what you are, or at least decided to make this a no fly zone. Again just stay strong and try not to worry about it to much, it sounds like they care and are just confused on how to respond.
     
    #2 CatofOld, Jan 21, 2013
  3. Silvails52

    Silvails52
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    I know they care, they kept stressing how much they love me and that they want me to be happy. And they know how to respond. They apparently talked to a few people and found some "success stories" of gays who became straight. that gave them some hope that I could find a girl. Plus, they told me "I need to look at the other side of the coin. I've only seen gay support, but I should see what the other argument is too."
     
    #3 Silvails52, Jan 21, 2013
  4. CatofOld

    CatofOld
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    Fine then they simply don't fully appreciate what impact their chosen response is having on you, since I doubt making you feel like poop on toast (what it seems like it is making you feel from your posts) is what they were aiming for. All I am saying is if you hang on a bit, things are most likely going to look up shortly.
     
    #4 CatofOld, Jan 21, 2013
  5. skiff

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    Hi,

    Write this on an index card and give it to your mom...

    ===
    “70) Jesus said, "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

    Excerpt From: Thomas O. Lambdin. “The Gospel Of Thomas.”
    ===

    You don't need Christian web pages, you need a true Christian mom.


    Stuck
     
    #5 skiff, Jan 21, 2013
  6. Shadowsettler

    Shadowsettler
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    Wow... Definitely give that to her.
     
    #6 Shadowsettler, Jan 21, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2013
  7. Lance

    Lance
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    That is pretty good, I like it.
     
    #7 Lance, Jan 21, 2013
  8. Shadowsettler

    Shadowsettler
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    You know she'll be a pompous smart-ass and try to turn it around on you, as if you're the one who's not bringing everything to the front. My mother loves doing that, especially when I get her all tripped up over her own words.~ x'3
     
    #8 Shadowsettler, Jan 21, 2013
  9. skiff

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    In that case you say...

    Who do I believe, Jesus who has spoken to my heart through the gospel or a fallible human?

    The gospel of Thomas was lost until the 1950's.

    If she puts herself above your heart and God you know who is wrong.

    Stuck
     
    #9 skiff, Jan 21, 2013
  10. Shadowsettler

    Shadowsettler
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    I'm just saying, people will "interpret" things to their choosing, and "make it very clear" what he really meant: that your dark heart needs to give up this horrible addiction that you have, turn to Jesus and start liking women...

    It's very annoying, to say the least.
     
    #10 Shadowsettler, Jan 21, 2013
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  11. Chip

    Chip
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    I think this is part of their denial process. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You might give them some PFLAG material and try and get them to attend a PFLAG meeting near them, and/or have them watch "Prayers for Bobby" (but let them know beforehand you aren't suicidal.)

    You might also google Matthew Vines and send them a link to his video presentation. He is making huge waves in the Christian community and a number of evangelicals, including some in high positions, have started to change their thinking as a result of his very well researched and presented Biblical scholarship on gay people.

    I think you'll be fine with them in the long term... it's just going to take them some time to realize that all the ex-gay shit they've heard is BS.
     
    #11 Chip, Jan 21, 2013
  12. skiff

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    Like there is a freaking choice to be made!
     
    #12 skiff, Jan 21, 2013
  13. Shadowsettler

    Shadowsettler
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    They're choosing not to be gay!!! Use that Logic loop on them, lol~
     
    #13 Shadowsettler, Jan 21, 2013
  14. Silvails52

    Silvails52
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    Matthew Vines was actually one of the first things I had them watch. they decided to do research and found a guy who refutes ALL of Matthew's claims. Ugh!!
     
    #14 Silvails52, Jan 21, 2013
  15. Pain

    Pain Guest

    Link, please. I really wanna see what that guy has to say.
     
    #15 Pain, Jan 21, 2013
  16. Silvails52

    Silvails52
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    #16 Silvails52, Jan 21, 2013
  17. remainnameless

    remainnameless
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    I absolutely agree.

    My parents will be the same way when I come out, I know they will because of how they talk about gays now. I really don't think you can change their mind man, they will probably find something contradictory to everything you show them. Just prove to the you are a part of that 5%, and hopefully they will eventually come to accept it and you can move on.
     
    #17 remainnameless, Jan 21, 2013
  18. lighttheway

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    I come from a christian home and I think your parents are in there own way trying to make sure that you end up with the best life possible, they are probably scared and just want to protect you from the homophobic world we live in. Give them time they will come around :slight_smile:
     
    #18 lighttheway, Jan 22, 2013
  19. Darkrai

    Darkrai Guest

    It sounds that you use to have some doubts about your sexuality. I'm sure part of the reason you had doubts was because your faith.

    But now you sound so confident in who you are, at least, more than before. And I bet that to get here you had to do a lot of soul searching.

    So, I guess your parents too need time to search their souls too and maybe then they will understand.
     
    #19 Darkrai, Jan 22, 2013
  20. Silvails52

    Silvails52
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    I know it will take them time, but I still had hopes that they had accepted it better than they did. Yes, I used to have doubts, but they usually didn't last too long. I just hope they come around sooner rather than later. Good thing is they won't see me for almost two months, so they have a lot more time to process.
     
    #20 Silvails52, Jan 22, 2013
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