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Many humiliating and deep regrets, today

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by B06SAJ1a, Jan 21, 2013.

  1. B06SAJ1a

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    I am old to come out. I'm in my middle 50's. I started to come out, finally, last year. It, even, has been very slow. I tried to crawl back into the closet for part of last year. But then I had an indicative experience during the holidays which forced me toward accepting myself as being a gay man, now. I have a large understanding for why I have lived my life the way that I have. I have many, many painful regrets and feel humiliated over an awful lot of the things that I've done. Yet, I think I understand that for me, this was fate's path. I want to say that it doesn't come so easily to some of us. I believe, over time, that some of the pain of loss, regret, and humiliation will ease (I hope). It's been just under 20 years since I divorced and left my ex-wife. It's taken that long for me to work through my innards to come to this place. I just had to put this out there tonight. May Grace be given to all of us.
     
  2. PeteNJ

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    Yeah, I'm old too. And a lot, and I mean a lot of guys on this site are, too.

    Congrats on finding the truth about yourself. It probably makes many many things clear.

    I divorced my ex wife 10 years ago... and 10 years ago I was in therapy and couldn't bring myself to say "I think I'm gay."

    Today -- I feel better than ever. No, no out to friends or family yet. I've joined a couple of LGBt support groups. I've made new friends with guys more or less in the same boat.

    I know there are some tough days ahead, but I also know that I can actually live with myself and look myself in the mirror in the morning.

    All the best, Pete
     
  3. Eletricalmonkss

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    I don't know what it's like to be an older person, I'm only 21 and I have also known I was queer since 14/15. Even for me it doesn't always come easy but I would imagine it might even be harder if I were older. There's tons of people who come out later in life and I believe you jus need to make that connection with others now.
     
  4. Rachyl

    Rachyl Guest

    It's all in your perception. On how you see yourself, and your future. I have only been out since September 21 of 2012, and for the longest time I thought my life was over before it could begin.
    I'm slowly coming to terms with being gender-queer, and possibly asexual.

    I'm in the separation stage of my divorce. I was married for 12 yrs and have four grand kids that I may have to wait until they are 18 to see and talk to again.

    I am seeing TWO different therapists to help me through all of this, and I have to say they do help a lot. Looking back at my life I always knew I was different but never imagined I was gay.

    It all fits so much better now though, and I'm just trying to take it a day at a time.

    That's all we can do.
    Because it doe's get better.(*hug*)
     
  5. 4AllEternity

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    It's really great to see so many older people coming out/coming to terms with their sexuality, and finding peace after holding it for so long ^_^

    As for the OP, in my humble, and young experience, I've found that there's little point to obsessing over the past. I've done things I've regretted already, and I do what I can to make up for them, and move on. The simple thing is this: if the only thing you can think about in regards to those painful memories is "I wish I had done that differently", don't bother thinking about it. What's done is done. You can't change it. The one thing you do have control over is what you do today, in the present. If you regret not doing something, do your best to do it, and if you can't, find something new to do. If you regret hurting someone, do you best to make up for it. If you feel hurt by someone, forgive them, no matter what they did. That doesn't mean sacrificing yourself for them, but in your own mind just think "I forgive you for what you've done, I know that you were cruel because of the way you were treated, and so I hope you find happiness as well.". You can't leave behind anger/humiliation by nursing a resentment for the person. The only way to leave it all behind is to seize control and make a choice to forgive them. Once you've forgiven someone, you're done with them. Move on.
     
  6. Ditz

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    I'm just grateful that guys like you are posting on this forum giving younger guys insight as to how trying to hide our sexuality or trying to lead a straight life ends up back to square one.

    I just turned 37 and have been struggling my whole life to figure out who and what I am, in fact I still am but I'm closer to making peace with myself thanks to this forum and the stories being told on it. My battle has always been to try and become straight, to try and meet the girl of my dreams, fall in love, get married, have kids... All of that while time is slipping away at an alarming rate. I'm still in my thirties but soon I'll be in my forties and then fifties and if I don't accept myself now, I'll be looking back at my personal life with regret.

    Post like yours made me realise that I was chasing a rainbow that I could never reach, that its time for me to stop and look at all the other possibilities around me.

    So thank you, thank you for spilling your heart out on here and giving me fair warning as to the path on which I find myself.

    At least being in your thirties today is the same as being in your twenties of yesteryear, the same goes for your forties, fifties and sixties... Age is just a number, you are as old as you feel and as old as you live. Time that's past us is gone forever, but we have right now, and right now is a great time to live your life!
     
  7. B06SAJ1a

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    My heart goes out to you, Ditz. The whole "hetero" think held on inside of me for so long. I feel that grace came to me to "gently force me" to accept being gay. I'm not so sure that it was just my pride or other things. I think our souls are so infected with the contagion of our upbringing (messages that we naively take in which go against who and what we really are). These things hold on inside of us. I want to wish you the best and I hope that you are able to resolve yourself. Know that you are "held" here by many. We are here for you.