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I want a boyfriend, but is it worth coming out over??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by onlythebulls13, Jan 21, 2013.

  1. onlythebulls13

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    For the few of you who have started to get to know me, you know that I just came out to my best friend a few months ago and he responded better than I could have asked. Now I'm at my next obstacle and have been trying to avoid approaching it but its ever present. The obstacle is getting a boyfriend :eek:

    A quick story before I go on...
    Today is when I go to get my best friends dad from dialysis (Mon. Wed. Fri.) And on the way home I had the Obama inauguration playing on the radio. my friends dad asked if we could stop at McDonald's so I said sure and when I was placing the order on the drive thru, Obama was in the part of the speech where he affirmed he was for marriage equality. Once I finished with the order my buds dad says, you hear that, equality for gays...now granted it wasn't what he said word for word but he said it in a way of, oh, Colin, hes looking out for gay rights, that's good, I support that. It made me really happy but I thought about it and was like wow, he must have a strong vibe that I'm gay and trying to say he's cool with it. (Pretty old school conservative guy)

    Now we approach my problem. I want I boyfriend but I know that I would have to come out to have a realistic chance of having a healthy relationship with a man that I can get to know and hopefully eventually fall in love with:slight_smile::kiss: I get mixed signals from people close to me in my life about whether they'd be accepting and keep going back and forth between what I should do:bang: I feel like I need to get my life under control first before adding more fuel to the fire that is my life. I don't know what to do :help:
     
  2. AaronG

    AaronG Guest

    I think you should consider coming out completely. Like you said, you'll have no chance of getting a guy if everyone thinks you're straight. there's definitely someone out there for you but you'll have to make yourself available to the right crowd.
     
  3. Robellious

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    Haha I'm on the same boat as you. you're not alone bro. atm I'd say is it worth it to you? Only you can answer that question :grin:
     
    #3 Robellious, Jan 21, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2013
  4. photoguy93

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    Don't come out simply to date. Because that's putting yourself on a wobbling block. I'm 20, never had a meaningful relationship, etc.

    Personally, I'd come out to come out. Be happy. Do it to not lie!

    Then, hopefully, you'll find someone. But it can be hard. So don't be disappointed!
     
  5. onlythebulls13

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    Well Im going to come out to my therapist and see what she has to say....I meeting with her this Friday, I think I'm going to text her before we meet up and tell her I have something I want to talk about, just so I don't delay coming out to her again....I want. To be open with my sexuality, I'm sick of acting like I'm straight and living a lie! I want a man in my life that I can love and grow old with. A partner that will always be there for me and love me as much as I'll love him. Cuddle up and watch the bulls or a movie, it sounds like heaven to me, but I feel sooooo far from that.....ahhhhhh!!!!!!
     
  6. photoguy93

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    Look, I'm dealing with my own issues here, so maybe I'm just jealous. By look - you can't just expect you will find someone. Maybe you're super hot and have gays all over you. But it just isn't as easy as it looks!

    See what your therapist says. Don't come out for anything/anyone but yourself.
     
  7. joel89

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    #boom... you're not alone dude...:slight_smile: btw, if you just nid somebody to lean on, im just a text away... :slight_smile: good luck ...
     
  8. onlythebulls13

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    Well I am quite the stud, and my butt is just a work of art lol jk.... I know its not going to be easy or anything like that but I'd rather be out there looking than sitting in the closet, hoping that my dream guy will show up and happen to be gay and make a move towards me and be completely OK with me being closeted.

    I'm scared of my family's reaction and my best friends family's reaction
     
  9. SomeNights

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    ^now is that stone sculpture or ice? lol jk

    That's why I haven't come out to family! I am so nervous of how they will react to find out "oh yeah btw I like guys"
     
  10. SimplyJay

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    I'd like a boyfriend too but if finding one one means coming out...then I'll be remaining single (not that there's anything wrong with being single :slight_smile: & for the most part I'm fine with it....its just sometimes idk I guess I feel I'd like something more)

    But I agree with what some others have said here. Don't come out just to date/find a boyfriend, instead come out if you *for yourself* no longer wish to be in the closet (and ofcourse are both safe & comfortable with doing so)
     
  11. Phoenix

    Phoenix Guest

    It is worth coming out over I think. Like has been aforementioned, don't do it specifically to find someone, but you have a more honest relationship when you don't have to hide.
     
  12. shovelman

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    I get what you're saying, I too would like to have a boyfriend to do all that stuff with but I feel like I need to come out first if I want to be honest and open which I should be by end of the week as I'm planning to tell my mom and then both my parents will know :grin:
     
  13. koilfong

    koilfong Guest

    i know what youre talking about. i would love to have a boyfriend and do all the couple things, but i dont want to have to hide him from the world being afraid that someone will see us together and tell my parents, but i plan on coming out to them... eventually.
     
  14. Darkrai

    Darkrai Guest

    I totally get you. I want a boyfriend too but my family is too conservative to come out to.

    But don't you think the right person for you would understand where you're coming from? That he would accept and respect your wishes?

    And yet, without coming out can you find anyone?? I hope so! Because I'm really tired of being alone and I don't think I'll come out anytime soon.

    My plan is to find someone and pretend he was just a friend. But he would know, and I would know.

    I hope you find an answer and then maybe you can help me too.
     
  15. skiff

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    Hi,

    Let me add a wrinkle to finding closeted love...

    I was in a long term (15yr), gay, closeted relationship and it ended because my lover caved in to family pressure to get married.

    What could have been a lifetime of happiness ended because my lover could not be honest about his sexuality with family.

    Keep that in mind before falling in love with a gay closeted man. The lie has the front seat and you are second string to maintaining the lie. When push comes to shove you could be dumped to support his lie.

    Stuck