For the past 5 years or so (college and now a year or so into my career) I have wondered if I might be a lesbian. I feel myself gravitating towards my girlfriends. I had a boyfriend in highschool, but I think at the time I was young and it was "the thing to do". I come from a Catholic upbringing and I really have no one in my family/friends to turn to on this. I would like to confirm if this is how I really feel - are there any places in the NYC area where a questioning woman can go to test the waters so to speak? Any advice is appreciated.
Im sure there are some places you can go, I dont know where but im sure someone will be able to help you. Have you tried doing a google search? EC is a great place to start.
I have done a google search - a lot of places seem intimidating - i'm not even sure if this is the best way to start?
I wouldn't recommend going out and looking for like someone to hook up with to figure that out. I would recommend working out your feelings in your head and talking to some people (such as right here on EC lol). I remember that whole questioning period and it just took me some time to sort things out in my head and with the help of friends who had already figured themselves out and talking here on EC. Unfortunately no one can tell you if you're gay or straight (or somewhere in between). It's kind of something you have to figure out for yourself but random hook ups definitely wouldn't be a place to start (not implying that that's what you were thinking about. Just s word of advice.)
I wouldn't recommend going out and "testing the waters" and leading someone on when/if you realize you aren't gay/bi. When I started questioning myself I thought the only way to really know is to experiment with guys and girls, just to make sure. Most definitely would not recommend it, even if you do come to the conclusion you are gay. Besides "gravitating towards my girlfriends", is there any other reason you think you are gay?
I just can't think about what would happen if I ever did accept this --- my family are all pretty sheltered and would probably find it ridiculous. I have known 1 or 2 people from HS who have come out as lesbians and I have also heard the insults hurled about them behind their backs -- my parents would not accept this fact either.
What's helped me is realising that I just don't fancy men. All the rest is just details. When I see an attractive woman I'm not just thinking intellectually that she's attractive, I get a physical response, I imagine being with her. It's time to accept I've never really had that with any man.
I think you should figure out your feelings within yourself before you worry about your family and all of that stuff. I was raised Catholic and I came out to my mom and she really doesn't care and she lovessss my girlfriend (except when my girlfriend and I are fighting then she of course sides with me lol). But like I said try and figure things out first and worry about everyone else later. And I've learned over the years that it doesn't really matter what people say or think. What matters is that you are happy (and not hurting anyone else).
I think there is a difference between going out to try and hook up and trying to find an LGBT support group, I think that could definitely help you especially if you dont perhaps want to talk to your family straight away.
Questioning isn't a bad thing, just let it roll. Think. You'll find the answer soon enough. Also I get a hunch that you don't want to accept the possibility that you might be a lesbian because of your upbringing, your parents, and the insults you saw tossed around at the ones who came out. Just stop by an LGBT support group, they could help quite a lot with your questions. The one I go to, I actually talked a bit about my sexuality in the beginning and how I struggled with coming to terms. Many of them can relate.
