is "lesbianism" real?

I have a.hard time imagining someone turning gay from being completely straight . I think there is something from birth there .something flexible that develops once we become more aware off the world and women and men and have experienced life a bit .I hope this makes sence it. In simple words I beileve I was born gay .

 

You're jumping to a lot of conclusions based on your own, limited experiences.

How do you define "crush"? I have never genuinely had romantic or sexual feelings toward a man.

Where are you getting that information from? You need to take into account how many women come out of the closet as bisexual versus how many men come out as bisexual. In my opinion, our society is much more accepting of bisexual women than bisexual men. You're much more likely to see two women kissing on television than two men. The numbers may be skewed due to an imbalance in social pressures, but there is no tangible evidence that suggests that most women that are attracted to the same sex are bisexual.

I come from a very loving and accepting family, and I knew I was a lesbian before I started dating. I dated men because I felt that I owed it to my family to try. All of these guys were perfect and loving, but I just didn't feel the same way. Whether you believe it or not, I did not "become" gay, I was born gay.

 

Tricky! Part of the reason I found it so hard to accept myself as a lesbian is because i do still find guys attractive, some i even do a double take when I see them. But I cannot imagine myself having sex with a guy, and I cant imagine having an emotional connection with them that's deeper than friendship. All throughout school I never had the obsessional crush on any male that my friends seemed to have, but I did over girls (didn't realise at the time!) I have had a boyfriend in the past, but (this sounds terrible) I didnt have any kind of romantic feeling for him, I was just young and did it for the hell of it, because that's what everyone else was doing. I never had posters of boy bands on my bedroom wall whilst growing up. I dont come from a broken home or anything, and I've never had any terrible experiences with a man. I've just never been that interested in guys, but as i grew older my interest in girls really began to stand out. I do think I was born a lesbian, but like straight people can appreciate that someone of the same sex is good looking I can still tell when guys are...

 

I wouldn't read too much into someone else's opinion. If you know how you feel then it shouldn't matter what other people think. I've known since I was 19, but I didn't want to accept it. I've always had crushes on women, but I can still appreciate a good looking man. There isn't any concrete evidence on what determines one's sexual orientation. I truly believe I was born gay, simple as that; I was neverabused/rape. And I've had plenty of bad experiences with men, but that has nothing to do with my sexuality. I have a natural attraction towards women not men.

 

Yeah. Of course.

But l do personally believe that some are bisexual and l do talk with lesbians who say things like they don't like men, are NOT attracted to them"except for , you know, Hugh Jackman."

^Real quote from a lesbian in the closet l talked with last year, not here. Sorry, but what? No, l don't know. l've seen similar things said here. l don't know what it's like to not like men except for one you think is really hot.

Maybe they're just saying that? ls this a thing? Like Rosie O Donnel's fake crush on Tom Cruise?

IDK, l'll save that for another time but ultimately l just think there are a fewer actual lesbians which seems like a bummer. Maybe more are closeted?

One theory l've had is that more lesbians "get away with" being closeted, if you will.

With hetero women it's like gay men can't fool them as often, especially when sex is involved. When they pull off being into it, they've really accomplished something, lol.

As a girl with hetero sex, l mostly just laid there and tolerated it. l know that's not considered attractive to most men but they aren't exactly complaining as long as they're having sex with a woman.

 

I was just thinking about this like a week ago!! I am a lesbian(in case you didn't know haha) and I started thinking,I never had a male role model in my entire life, my father died when I was very young. My mother got a boyfriend when I was about 9 and I just remember him being very rough, he sometimes hurt me when he didn't mean it(I don't now if he didn't mean it, I'm still trying to figure it out, but that's another story) my sister is a lot older than me and so she used to watch a lot of older tv shows like when I was nine she was already driving and in her teens, and when she would watch these shows she couldn't get rid of me so I watched things like buffy(I.e. willow and Tara) so I grew up loving there relationship, and never thought anything of it.(I found out years later that my mom and my sister loved willow and Tara but thought there relationship was wrong,mostly my mother). I also had a bunch of male cousins who were closer to age to me than my older/younger girl cousins were so while they were in the house playing with the high heels in the closet I was out with my boy cousins chasing after a soccer ball. But if I and other lesbians developed this same sex attraction over time I don't understand why men wouldn't either? I think It wouldn't differ between sexes. Just between the person.

 

Maybe it's also that some don't want to identify as bi for fear of being rejected. That could be an issue in the male community, too.

l'm seeing more bi males which l think is great. l try to make it clear that l would date a bi woman. All l care about with any of these labels is knowing that a person thinks l'm cute and is sincerely attracted to me(and would sex me), lol.

 

I can't think of a moment in my life I ever wanted to have sex with a guy or a time when I had a crush on them. And I don't have any exceptions. I didn't always know I was gay either. I figured it out at 19 because at that point I realized I never liked a guy and whenever I saw two girls together I would get turned on and would fantasize about it. Also I grew up in a very traditional family with both parents still together. I never had any bad experiences with guys. I think guys are awesome and I wish I could go out with them and genuinely have feelings for them but I can't force something I don't feel.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I used to feel the same way, that lesbianism wasn't real. It sometimes feels like a joke to me like I just need to try harder to be any other way but it just doesn't happen. I don't know if we are born gay or if it develops over time all I know is that I didn't choose to feel the way I feel or want it to be this way.

 

Assumptions, assumptions.

I believe we're born gay, or bisexual or what have you. If we don't know about it in early childhood, we find out.

I haven't had any bad experiences with men or anything that would've "shaped" me into becoming a lesbian. I find girls attractive.

 

I'm a lesbian, my parents are still together and happy, I've never been sexually abused or mistreated by a man, and the only times I've had crushes on guys were when I was very young and hadn't developed sexual attraction yet. Do I exist?

 

I think I watched a documentary where it said something like this, actually. It said that women are able to adapt or bend their sexuality to different situations, but there is hardly a way to say that lesbianism doesn't exist outright. And I don't think it can completely alter (I think deprograming camps are example enough of that) Sexuality is a very curious thing. I don't think there's a way to truly convince yourself that you're attracted to men, women or bars of soap, it's just a part of who we are.

I grew up in a small town and sexuality was a very black and white word to me. "Sexuality" was constructed by society and enforced by everyone around me. I didn't really know what sexuality was, I just knew I was straight. Haha. Crushes on girls just wasn't natural, so I pushed them aside. I started to cultivate myself a ‘taste’ in men. When fellow classmates gushed about guys, mostly I just nodded and giggled. I never felt particularly draw to them in any way but friendship.

But then again, I'm young, I'm babbling, and I don't even know if I'm on topic anymore. Maybe we are all just figments of someone's imagination. Les-ception.

 

1. nothing applies to everyone. there is no rule about lesbianism that is true for all lesbians.
2. this is exactly what confused me as a child. i KNEW i was attracted to other girls. but i learned about lesbians from watching ellen's sitcom: for a long time she was dating men, then suddenly she had a girlfriend. so i interpreted that to mean that a lesbian is a woman who gives up on men. but i never thought that a gay man is a man who gives up on women, they're just gay all the time. so does that make it true? no.
3. i felt like i had to date a guy before i could date a girl. my first true date was with a girl, but i couldn't get over the fact that i wasn't supposed to be gay until i at least kiss a boy first! which is damaging, honestly. i mean, ultimately i'm fine, but it's really frustrating to feel like we still live in a world where men have real feelings and women don't. nothing against men, i don't hate men, but that comment was probably voted down because it is rather misogynistic.

in conclusion, by the time i was in kindergarten i understood that other girls like boys, but i like other girls, so i'm just a weirdo and that's okay. it wasn't until ellen (who i think is great! not saying anything disparaging here) confused me that i thought i couldn't like girls until i liked boys first. which lead to years of confusion and frustration. and now i'm happily me again. so no, that person is not right at all.

 

Here's a guy's perspective. Personally, I don't believe people are born to be wired gay, straight, or bisexual per se. There may be a variety of predispositions that you are born with which may increase the likelihood and with the right environmental triggers (childhood) you develop into a particular sexual orientation. As a kid, I crushed on girls constantly. As I got closer to puberty, I had sexual thoughts about them. But around 12-14, I became sexually attracted to guys and all my sexual feelings became exclusively towards guys by at least age 14. Never was physically attracted to a girl again. Did I turn gay? I seem to run into lots and lots of bisexual guys. Half of them are really gay in denial and the other half are genuinely bi. I can tell the difference.

 

Hi Crystine,
There are many who believe women can and are to a degree sexuality fluid. The key word being many. There are many straight women who never have sex with another woman. Do you agree? There are many lesbians who never have sex with a man. Do you agree?
Your response is correct if you agree to both.

It is an assumption on your part that this person is correct. Let's examine and find out just how wrong this person is.

I have never in my life had any sort of a crush on a guy. I could take you here and more than half of the women who attend the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival will tell you as I have they have never had a crush on a guy either. This is not to say that in youth trying to figure things out some of these women dated a guy. A few of those may even say they slept with one. This does not mean they had a crush in any way.

I am not bi nor are the biggest percentage of women who attend the festival listed above. You can gather their statistics online if you wish to disprove whoever made these stupid statements.

My parents were happily married. My father brother or mother never abused me. I was not raped My family experiences were all wonderful memories now as my parents are deceased. Ther are a certain percentage of women straight, bi and lesbian who have been raped. A percent of the lesbians raped were lesbian beforehand and the rape did not change them. I would say you may be about 47% percent correct I think that is the number of girl who were abused. This person has no numbers to back up the claim.


BUT

I am not sexually attracted to guys. Nor are the women I listed above. Your statement is untrue.

Most bisexuals either male or female have a lean in one direction or the other. What does this have to do with there being no lesbians?

There are men claiming to have been gay. Again what does this have to do with anything? If you are LGBTQ you always are if in the first place you were correct. Most that were live miserable lives playing straight.

Peole are born LGBTQ or not. IN red is a foolish assumption. You have not done your research well. There are lesbians you find them in lesbian clubs all over the world. Bring your survey to them and see how they answer. Do the leg work or let your fingers do the walking through google for the stats you seek, If you have not found an answer that satisfies you have not looked. Hugs and love dear.
PS I altered your text to make responding easier.

 

just curious, do you still believe that even though the research you've conducted here proves otherwise?

well, now you've heard of the lesbians here on EC who don't fit into the original assumption

 

Researches seem to indicate that everyone's causes to how they got their sexuality and it's a case-by-case basis. There is no evidence of causative cause to sexuality.

For those that going to bring out the CAH and lesbianism, it appears that the correlation is dubious as the results is questionable. It is questionable because of the founded negative correlation on CAH with amount of sex partners and the lack of consideration to the problem of the Kinsey assessment. For one thing, there isn't any clarification to what is meant by attraction and whether the fantasies are actually correlated with their sexuality. The Kinsey assessment result shown that the small positive correlation on actual sex partners when determining CAH and lesbianism. Since, there is small correlation, we are forced to conclude that prenatal hormones is one of the many variables of sexuality.

 

I'm not real? So it's all in my head?

Damn.