Would'nt I have noticed earlier?

I understand how you feel. I had no concept of myself being gay until my late teens. I'm not sure what your age is but I feel like so many people realize as children or as soon as they hit puberty. Sometimes I wonder if I could have been straight had I not considered the chance that I were gay... if that makes sense.

Really only you know who you are. You love who you love. Various circumstances can prevent you from really finding out. I have been raised very Christian. Masturbation was wrong, etc. So I hardly thought too deeply about sex and I thought girls were "attractive." And maybe I wasn't all that hormonal. Who knows. I just think that life can make these things confusing.

 

Trust me, it's not that uncommon. I really only learned I was gay about a year ago. Before that, I honestly thought I was straight. I tried dating girls, and sure I had crushes on girls, but let me tell you, they were NOTHING compared to what I felt for my first guy crush. And that crush only happened a year ago.

 

Kinda sorta. l guess l don't get it when people say ''l knew l was gay at 5". l think what they mean in most cases is "l understood that l was more feminine, l identified more with girl things and possibly understood that l would grow up to like boys like girls do" in a man's case.

So in that case they're really describing gender identity which is separate from orientation but for many of us we are more like the opposite sex in some ways. Not all of us, obviously lol.

l wasn't a masculine girl but l guess l did somehow know l was more like the boys in a way l couldn't describe and knew on some level l'd like girls when l grew up. In attitude and essence for sure, and l was often treated like a by other girls.

l can't really describe how it is with kids but when l was a young kid, around 7 or 8 even,
l somehow knew which girls(most) looked at boys "differently". l knew l didn't do that.

l didn't view them as this whole different thing that l was so unlike, so already there l had an inkling that l was "boyish" somehow. And even then l could also sense that the repulsion to "BOYS OMG EW EW EW" would someday turn into crushes for those girls, and l just knew that wasn't going to be me.

Although l couldn't be sure and didn't have "crushes" on girls. l did know that it could very possibly mean l wouldn't like boys. Although then l didn't know what a bisexual was, if so l may have considered that too even though things didn't turn out that way.

 

Logically, when you realized you were attracted to the same sex doesn't make the fact that you are attracted to or love the same sex and less valid or real. Rest easy, dude!

 

It's possible that you had other priorities going on that you never really had much time to question.

It's also possible that you repressed a lot of emotions at the time, unconsciously.

I find if you dig a little bit into your past you can kind of find indicators that hinted towards it, even if you never thought about it consciously.

I wouldn't worry too much about when you realized you're gay, rather focus on the fact of accepting yourself now. Some people come out way later in life, after they've been married with kids. You come out when you're ready, whether you knew at an early age, mid 20's, 30's, whenever.

 

I've had a nagging suspicion that I was different for a long time.

And dealt with gay fantasies and interests for a long time.

But its only been a couple of months since I realized, yep, I'm gay.

Each of us is on our own journey -- it takes time to get it.

Peace

 

I didn't realize I was gay until I was 30, and had the same reaction. How could I not know earlier? Shouldn't I have known? But some people just don't figure it out til later. I assure you, I am definitely gay

 

I only figured it out in the past year or so. My biggest struggle with coming to terms with it was "I should have known earlier!" I was beating myself up over it, so you're definitely not alone.

The best advice one of my friends gave me was to just stop beating myself up and go with it. It's okay to discover things at what seems like the wrong time. What matters is you're here now and you've had the realization. Move forward the best you can. Trust me, getting hung up on it will not do you any favors

 

Until you actually realize it yourself and you are fine with living your life as a gay person that's when you really know. Just because a boy liked barbies and pink when he was growing up doesn't make him any gayer than the boy playing touch football. Sexuality is a mature and adult topic which takes time to evaluate, I don't know if small children can take on as large as a question.

 

I've asked myself the same question a lot of times. I couldn't believe I was discovering such a huge thing at 23 years, But it happens, to many of us. And yes, it's shocking and scary!!! There is a thread in the "Coming out area" about late bloomers!

 

Yup. This. Although, there was a tiny little "maybe I'm gay" voice in the back of my head for a while. But, even that didn't start until college...and I was able to push it to the back of my mind for a long, long time.

 

when i first questioned my sexuality , it was because i had a crush on this girl katie and so i thought she was the only girl i had a crush on then i looked back and realized she wasn't and now im like "how did i not question my sexuality then?" but i guess its better now than later....now im just like how did i not see i had feelings for girls

 

*high fives all the "late (25yo+) bloomers" *

i agree with what many have already said. i didn't acknowledge that i liked women in that way until i was 27, but i see now that there were many reasons for that. that doesn't make me any less pansexual (or bisexual).

 

@JTHgetart137:

I totally agree, and you are describing my own experience quite well! It feels good to know you are not the only one with a similar experience, huh?

 

Yes. I know this cement really, really well.

When I couldn't accept my gay side, I was genuinely angry at myself. I discovered I was gay while watching porn, and instead of focusing on the woman my mind literally aimlessly wondered onto the bloke, and I discovered I was more interested in him.

Up until that point, I was completely straight (to my knowledge, anyway) and had no sexual attraction to men. Some weird friendships going on with blokes my age, but really, not weird enough or obvious enough for me to instantly think 'wait! I fancy them!', just strange when I look back on hindsight.

A little part of me still wonders if I had a focused mind, what would've been haha. I just always assume that I would've found out another way.

Edit:

Not saying I'm a late bloomer, but I'm not in with the crowd that have known since they were children/young teenagers. I really didn't discover that part of myself until I was what... 17? 16? So in the middle haha

 

I've thought that I should have come out before now, but I've always known - at least since high school, maybe before. Look at my age in the over there <---

What was preventing me from coming out, or convincing myself I was straight, or whatever was pretty much my upbringing. My parents always told me that homosexuality was a sin whenever I'd bring up the topic, so I hid. From myself, from everyone else, from their ridicule and judgement.

I consider the one smart thing that I've done is to not force myself into a heterosexual relationship because it's "the right thing to do". I've lived my life (mostly) happy as a single man. I then came to the decision that I couldn't hide anymore, and have to be myself. I'm not out to nearly anyone yet (just 2 people), and am completely terrified of what the future holds - especially with my family. I want to preserve those relationships that are going to be extremely strained by this.

As to your original question - sometimes in those intervening years I certainly was questioning - but questioning why I didn't have a girlfriend, etc. I actually thought about getting on an online dating site for the purpose of finding a girlfriend. I know now that would be a completely futile act, and it was a stage in my own denial. Hang in there, you'll figure it all out and it will be as if a light bulb popped on in your head.