I have been really afraid for along time that although I Seem to have strong but very different interests for both Sexes, that if I don't somehow "actualize" the homosexual part (Which I really haven't) that ill be punished with some sort of retribution from My unconscious. I cope pretty well with this fear but it still is an unbelievable Negative in my life. Comments? I'd really love some help. I really have have experienced agony. I should add my father was an unstable And possibly violent mentally ill man in my teens (Though he was quite charming earlier). He eventually killed himself when I was 16. My mother acted like we were a normal family. After that I have had a profound fear of going crazy. I know I have wonderful gay feelings, but I feel that if I repress them in ANY WAY Mental illness may result. I'm married reasonably happily with a 10 year old daughter I adore! I do quite well with all this but... Holy shit!!!
Coming to terms with your bisexuality doesn't mean you have to repress your same sex feelings but because you are married and assuming you want to stay married, unless you have an open marriage, you just can't act on your same sex desires. I know this is easier said than done but it is part of being in a monogamous relationship. You are not going to go crazy by staying faithful to your wife but trying to lead a double life may make you that way. Having an outlet such as EC where you don't have to repress your thoughts is helpful.
You can't have your cake and eat it too if you're in a monogamous relationship. It is a tough pill to swallow but we have to make tough choices in life. I think it's best for people to explore all aspects of their sexuality before committing to a long term relationship so there's no burning curiosity later on in the relationship. This is mostly advice for young people who are unsure or have unanswered questions about their sexuality. You may have not had that opportunity to explore, so I'm not here to judge you on that. Ideally, that would've been best. But, again I don't know all your circumstances.
I did and I didn't. I've had severe anxiety and OCD issues and was in a lot of ways not very clear about What my sexual options were with being panicked all the time. I think this period ( I'm much mentally healthier due to really good therapy and Zoloft), Is the first time in my life where I had the wherewithal to begin to seriously think about possible homosexual encounters. Maybe too late. Not all things are always possible. I am a painter, and I can give a good deal of free rein to the gay erotic side in my work. This does however add to a kind of double life issue. Ie.. If I have such powerful homoerotic feelings and thoughts in my artwork, Doesn't it show a lack of integrity to NOT act on it in life? ---------- Post added 22nd Jan 2013 at 11:42 PM ---------- Also the weirdness of that maybe is fearful to me. ---------- Post added 22nd Jan 2013 at 11:53 PM ---------- It doesn't help that no one outside Of this forum seems to believe in male bisexuality.
I believe in male bisexuality. It's difficult to fully understand it, but I do believe it exists. I'm not sure how many people are bi and I'm skeptical to believe that most people are somewhat bi.... But I do believe it's a real sexual orientation. A lot of straight guys I've talked to seem to believe in male bisexuality; however, a lot of gay guys are skeptical of it. Even some gay guys that believe it exists, still won't get involved with a guy who is bi. There is so much pressure to be "straight" that many gay guys feel it would be risky to get involved with a guy who is bi. I also do have OCD issues as well. Sometimes I get OCD about issues over sexual orientation. What if I turn bi? What if I turn straight? I sometimes have flashbacks to pre-puberty and puberty years where I did actually have attraction to girls. I've been gay ever since but it makes me wonder sometimes. Will I shift to bi or remain forever gay?
I would love to be straight or bi, but think about all the crap I had to go through to accept myself as gay. I had to bury my future dreams. It really opened my eyes. I like guys too much to want to be straight, maybe bi.
