Hi guys, I just joined the forum. To be honest, I'm a lost person, and love friendly company, something I like. So I directed myself right to the advice section of the forum. To keep things simple (and I really love organization since I'm a programmer..) I will use bullet points to tell my story. - I read on this site that sexual orientation is determined before age of 5. It's more than likely true, yet only half a year ago I finally completely accepted myself. I have no doubts anymore, and I'm completely not scared of this world anymore. I basically just grew up. I'm 17. So, well, I'm gay. - Since that, I am much more aware of myself and people around me and media that I use to entertain myself. Especially that one show affected my feelings to come out. I actually do want to come out, for no particular reason. I feel like I'm lying and people deserve to know me truly. Only one person knows the truth, my female best friend. I sometimes feel like wanting to shout in public that I'm gay, but of course I'm not going to do that. Life wouldn't turn out as beautiful as those movies I watch. And my parents, I'm not even considering until I'm completely financially independent, until 10 years pass from now that is. - 2 months after I accepted I was gay, I was on a forum like this and encountered someone I thought I knew. I checked Facebook and it turned this boy was in my school. I sent him a message. He removed his account completely and left no trail. I got angry, I felt betrayed. I had offered friendship. I thought he might be going through what I also am, but he chose to run away. I had no sexual intentions, it was only a matter of friendship. I'm still angry at him. He hasn't seen my face, doesn't know who I am. But I know him. The next at a ceremony, I was standing next to him. He had no idea I was the person who knows his biggest secret. I know his biggest secret! It makes me feel uncomfortable. - Summer passes, and school started again. We had a movie night activity. We brought blankets since it was outside. I had met a new "friend" today via a female friend of mine. For no reason, he spent the half of the movie resting his head on my shoulder. I enjoyed it, so I didn't say anything and wished the moment would last. My friends thought he might be gay, I said I think so too. Later though, he asked me if I'm dating the girl I met him via probably questioning if he could date her, and talked about a previous girlfriend he had. He has given me completely unclear signals, but I fell love him and don't know what to do. Tried to reach him with the phone number he gave me and all that stuff, I invited him to play a particular video game he had told me he loves so much, but he didn't even respond. Months have passed, nothing happened. I think I actually wouldn't worry if I tried to kiss him or something and he ended up shouting at me that he isn't gay. I wouldn't care if he knew I was gay and he weren't. I just want to have the chance to try it. - Last year a female friend of mine felt in love with me. It took me 5 months finally decide to hurt feelings and tell her I'm not interested. I just hadn't wanted to hurt her but her actions started creating consequences, I had to stop it. She told me 1 week ago "we look like a couple". I wanted to shout I was gay and finally end it. I didn't. The thing is I might be gay and all that, but I'm almost completely asexual. My idea of love is just cuddling on a couch and watching movies. I'm not a pervert. How can I feel sexual desire for a girl when I can't even for a guy? She expected me to. So, this is my story. I'm just a lost person, unsure what to do from now on. But as all teenagers, I need love. I'm craving it so bad, including creating imaginary friends at this age. It's pretty bizarre. So what you can answer for me?: 1) Should I tell more friends? 2) How not to tell my parents? 3) What kind of approach can I do to get attention of the boy from the movie night? 4) Should I tell the girl the truth? I'm actually really surprised my closest friends cannot conclude I'm gay, some strangers do directly even though rarely. I actually really show it a lot, but I guess they just don't expect it from me. After all, I'm the nerd who's just getting good grades and playing video games. That's all about me they know, but I also do have a darker side. And I'm no longer afraid to show it. But I just can't...
'but I also do have a darker side. And I'm no longer afraid to show it.' Hi Sineron and welcome. I hope you don't mean being gay is your dark side??,lol From what you say it sounds ,like you have taken a very important step already by acknowledging that you are gay (to yourself) and now the next steps will be to gradually share this with other people who are important to you. You'll find help and support on here..we have all been in this situation (I remember something similar to your cinema experience and as you said, I just wished it continued and would say anything)
Hey Sineron. Welcome to EC! First of all, it's good to hear that you've come to accept your sexuality. That's the first step. I understand how you feel about coming out to your friends and family. I'm in a similar situation and I'm contemplating if I should tell everyone now or wait until I'm more independent. It's a tough decision and there a lot of factors to consider. So don't feel rushed. 1) Whether or not you come out to your friends is up to you. If you think the majority of them would be supportive, then maybe you should tell them. If you're not sure or have a bad feeling about how they might react, you might want to wait. In the meantime, you can try finding some new friends who are accepting of your sexuality. I don't know about the opportunities where you live, but you might want to consider LGBT support groups or the GSA at your school, if there is one. 2) Keeping your sexuality a secret from your parents can be easy or difficult, depending on how open you are with others and how much your parents know about your social life. If you decided to tell all your friends, there's a greater chance of that information getting back to your parents, especially if your parents spend a lot of time around your friends or their families. 3) Now to the guy from the movie night. I'd say there's a pretty good chance he's gay, considering how physical he was after just meeting you. However, it sounds like he might not be ready to accept that he's gay. His intimate moment with you might have been something he did in the heat of the moment without really thinking about it. I think you've done all you can do to try to reach out to him. If he hasn't responded yet, the only thing that's going to change that is time. 4) I think you should tell her the truth. Unless you don't want to come out and you think she might tell somebody else, then I think it's best for her to know why you aren't into her so she doesn't feel bad and so she doesn't have the wrong expectations. Regarding your closeted acquaintance, I think it's probably best not to say anything to him in person. If he reacted that way when you contacted him online, he'll be even more uncomfortable if you confront him face to face. Eventually he may become more comfortable with himself, but he obviously isn't in that place right now. Hope this was helpful. Thanks for your post, and good luck!
Thanks guys, your responds (especially yours Caleb ) were very helpful. I'm glad to have joined this community.
Welcome, #1 and 2. You will know in your heart the right time to come out to each group. #4. The girl is a real problem in that unless you are real carefull you can hurt her. If you hurt her she is likely to take her piece of flesh from you. #3. The movie guy, well that is likely LUST rather than LOVE you were feeling. Deep true love comes with time and builds. For example I am in love at the moment and every day when I see him he looks more handsome to me in little ways. Every day he makes me feel like the best woman ever! It is growing, and in the past months (he does'nt know this) I have done "without" several times to be sure his needs were met. It is not all one sided because I don't have any way to know what sacrafices he has made for me. You will have lots of time to learn about relationships, just take it slow no matter how hard it is and never be clingy to a guy. They will run like hell if you make it too real too quickly. Never use the L word early, I know this will be hard and even not feel right to you at your age, but you will have a better chance to catch him. Show him you love him rather than telling him. Like putting him first, know his needs, wants, and desires. Then be there for him when he needs you without judging him, telling him how it's going to be, or interferring with his personal life. Be the rock he can lean on and he will. Be sure you feel you love him just the way he is and never try to change him! If you feel you must change him then move on because you never will. Be patient, and understanding and most of all even tempered throughout your day. That is a hard one sometimes. I hope you can use some of this to catch your man. That is some of my 22 years of experience in how to draw men to you and keep them commited. One more thing I have found helpfull is a book on astrology called "Love Zodiac" what you see in him and what he'll see in you, the essential astrology guide for women by the Astro Twins'. I have found this to be the bible of understanding mens personalitys and how to read his signs. Well that was long winded for sure! Good Luck! June
Okay thanks, And you're right, I guess "love" is the wrong word, I was supposed to say "crush", that would fit better to the situation.
