This is the first time I have been on a blog like this one, I am looking for advice or thoughts because I am extremely confused about my sexuality. Recently I have tried to start accepting that I am attracted to women and have had feelings for several women in my life but I am still in a bit of denial over this. I am confused because I find men attractive but I am very uncomfortable around them and feel very forced to connect with them and I do not feel physically or emotionally engaged when I am with men. I am extremely attracted to women and feel comfortable around them but I have never been with a woman intimately so I'm not sure if I would like it. I would like to try things with a woman but I feel extreme guilt over my feelings because I am religious and have been raised with the thought that sexuality is a choice and homosexuality is the wrong choice. I do not necessarily agree with this thought but I feel like my feelings for women are something I should just ignore. I guess I'm also confused because while I would like to be with women I cannot imagine myself not getting married to a man in the future and having children. It is because of this that I am wondering if I should just continue to ignore my feelings for women if I think I would never be able to come out to my family or commit to a woman long term. I guess I would just like to hear someone's opinion on this or if they've had the same thoughts and found a way to cope and not feel like such a bad person.
dont just ignore the feelings it will only make things worse when you realise that you are hiding them from your self, i questioned myself starting around age 10 and went through alot of what you are talking about, and i had convinced myself that i was bi so that i could mentally write off my gay attractions and only choose the straight ones but that eventually stopped working and it made it alot harder to come to terms than if i had accepted myself from the begining so dont try to hide or ignore your feelings but do try to figure out where you fall on the gay-bi-straight spectrum
Hi, orchidlilly, welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. I've been in your situation, so I understand how you feel. I think you should embrace your feelings, it's never a good idea to deny your feelings. That's what I did and while I do regret it, I think it's made me the person that I am today. I have kids, tried the whole family thing, but it didn't work. If you're naturally attracted to women then do not try to fight your feelings because it will not work. I'm living proof that it does not work. The more I tried to deny my feelings, the stronger they became. There are plenty of people on EC who knows exactly how you feel, so stick around. My experiences are slighty different, but we're all facing the same battle. And that's to become comfortable in your own skin. I know it's difficult at the moment, but it's going to take a lot of time (*hug*)
We have all not only found a way to cope, but found a way to be happy and thrive. You are NOT a bad person, you are not even odd or weird. People might try and make you feel bad, or shame you. But you are simply asking for answers and some tough questions. You will eventually have to remove yourself from anyone that is not supportive and understanding. Because that is all you need is some support and understanding. You are who you are, and it is nice when others accept you, but most important thing right now is that you accept yourself and begin to feel good about you. This is your life not anyone elses.
I've been raised the same way, so I know just how you feel. I can't imagine not growing old with a family, and having kids. (Of course, I would love to adopt, but being with the same-sex isn't right in our religions) I would say there is no doubt, the first person to reply is right, don't keep denying it, just accept it. (you would know if you were straight) I hope you find your answers
