Hello, everyone, I'm new here. I'm in a very strange predicament, Ive come out to a few people that I work with in the military. I've always known I was gay, maybe in denial for awhile but I'm 24 now and I've had a healthy attraction to men since I was 12ish. The thing is one girl in particular that I came out too, I went clubbing with her and was having a blast talking about guys, I was trying to pick one guy up in particular and she was trying to help, I had so much fun. We then went to a strip type show where the guys were literally making my blood boil with how hot they were. I had a blast. The problem? We are back at work, everything is hush, hush and for some reason I can't stop thinking about her. Im always hoping she texts me or facebooks me and I'm really excited to see her a lot. It's making me wonder if I like her or maybe I just have a girlmance as a friend. I've tried thinking, would I get jealous if she got with someone.. I think I would which is strange, I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I lost my virginity to a guy. I've been mostly closeted my entire life coming out here and there to a select few but this is the first one that actual wanted to just embrace it with me. Everyone else I came out to is a friend long distance that I used to live near, besides a close guy friend and his wife. This is really bothering me so much that I've actually tried thinking what it would be like to sleep with her and being with her just to see if it would be pleasing to me. I really don't want to sleep with her, but I'm afraid I'm getting weird feelings. Maybe it's because it's the first friend I've had that actually went out in town with me? Please help, thanks !
I've had crushes on girls before. I get along with girls really well, but they've been just that - crushes. I don't remember I ever wanted to have sex with any of them, though. Do you think you could maintain a relationship with her, if she told you she were into you, as well? That's really interesting. My girl crushes stopped once I accepted my sexuality a few years ago and since then - nothing. I still hang out mostly with females, all of my friends are women, I still get along with women better, but that's all. Welcome to EC!
Are you sure you aren't misinterpreting the feelings? It sounds like you just really like and enjoy her company as a good friend that completely accepts you for you without judgement. Also it would be pretty normal to get a bit jealous at the thought of her going with someone because then that person would be taking your friend away from you in a sense and you wouldn't get as much time with her as you do now. That happens in many friendships no matter the sexual orientation.
I think you both calmed my anxiety a little bit about the situation. I'm leaning towards maybe I'm just excited to see her etc.. Because I'm happy to be around her and not feel like I'm hiding something or that I'm a freak. I took the advice to consider the possibility of being with her and I really don't think I would be comfortable with it sexually or emotionally. It's just weird because I've never had a female friend that I could go out and do things with and be myself. I'm not used to the friend dynamic being a non-issue, usually I will make a friend that's a girl and we have fun until she realizes I'm not interested in her.. Which is lame, but it's whatever I guess.
