My story, I hope I can keep it short. I've always like to be with guys even at a young age which is contrary to the characteristic gay male surrounded by girls. What few friends I had were boys when I was younger. I had no inkling to question being straight until I started watching porn, straight porn. I found myself more into the male then I was the female. It was then my eyes opened and I don't think I could look at males the same again. I'm pretty good at straight acting even if I can't catch an object if my life depended on it. I'm in my late 20's and only one of my friends knows how I feel about men. I lead and live in a fairly conservative life but I have been changing my life and the question of my sexuality is coming up. I've broken girls' hearts but never a girlfriend. I have a lot of pressure from family to find a girl; although, I suspect at least one aunt is suspicious. In fact my circle of friends and family is so conservative that when I told my best friend he was so depressed and confused... it ended up breaking up he and his then girlfriend. He is now engaged to marry a wonderful woman and they make a lovely couple. Indeed the next person to come out to is probably my best friend's fiance. Have I the opportunity to explore my sexuality? Yes, I got the chance to go to a foreign city once and no one at home could find out what I was doing. I went to a gay bar and got picked up. I believe the bartender laughed but I never felt so 'loved' as I was in the arms of my one night stand. The rest of the night is not for polite company but very out of character for me. I've never felt so scared and yet free.
Good for you must be exciting, my only advice is to be safe and to not let things get out of control, and to try and gain more safe ground in people, things get that much better when you have people you can trust.
Thanks! I never thought it would be celebration. Coming out to the world would mean parts of me dying but those parts I would have to let go to go on living. Kinda deep I know... but that's the kinda guy I am. I just have to hang on a little longer and hope all hell breaks loose only when the time is right. I'm pretty sure I will be disowned by my family and that's the hardest part to give up. I've been thinking of getting a beard but that just means hurting one more person and I can't do that. Anyways, Thanks for reading.
It's very odd that you haven't discovered your sexuality until recently. I found out in early puberty, and even before that, when I was first starting out in school I noticed my affinity towards men. I guess some people just don't think about it??
I have also always been more of a "straight-acting gay" and much prefer male friends to females. I'm glad you got to feel so "loved" -- as you put it. Congrats!
