Ok so today I got my haircut, it needed a tidy-up and my mom is coming to visit from South Africa next week so I need to freshen up for her. But the lady who cut my hair is my dad's friend who doesnt know im Ftm and it turned into a girly look plus she waxed my eyebrows and my upper lip. It was sore to say the least, but my mustache was the only hair on my face that I was proud of, I mean come on it really helped me pass as a guy and now it's gone. I had to though coz my mom doesn't know I'm trans and is so trying to feminize me. But I'm so depressed! I've been thinking for days that it's easier to commit suicide before she comes so that I don't have to face the anxiety of dressing up feminine (I'm dreading it!) don't get me wrong, I love my mom and haven't seen her in a year but I hate the way she treats me. To make it worse, my dad knows I'm FtM and when he saw my hair he pointed out how girly it looks (like it was obvious enough!) and laughed at me. I'm on antidepressants and I'm hoping they will help me get through this next week, but damn I just need a hug. I hate my life... Seriously :bang:
*hugs*!!! i have more to say than this but i'm in the middle of something atm. i have to ask, though, is it not possible to dress gender neutral...? not all girls dress femininely. even your mom should be aware of this...? or is the problem that she holds you to certain feminine standards...? either way, it's just a week out of the many years that is the rest of your life. you'll get through this! you are strong, i know you can do it. <3
Nah I can't dress gender neutral (I've tried) coz my mom has "feminine standards" and she always complains and moans and fights with me and I'm just so tired of being a disappointment to her. *Sigh* thanks for the comfort, it's going to feel like forever, I'm seeing my psych for a coping plan on how to deal with my anxiety/suicidal thoughts while my mom is here pressurizing me, but I'm just at the point where I'm like "what's the point?" Let me just rather not be around to deal with it, it's so much easier.
So sorry man. I get why you did it. But it's hard on your self esteem, obviously. I hope after she's gone you can work on looking like you want to again and be yourself
i'm glad that you realize that "easier" doesn't equal "better". :/ while she's there it may feel like forever, but really it's just a small speed bump in what will be the rest of your life. there are so many things to look forward to in the future. maybe if you can focus on one of those things-- like a future goal that you have or anything else in the future that you look forward to-- it'll help you get through this rough time...? it can even be something in the more near future, like seeing your mom off at the airport and finally being free again. i wish i had some real advice to give you... it's great that you're planning to see your psych for help. please hang in there and feel free to PM me whenever you feel you'd like to chat. (*hug*)
Next time you go for a haircut just let her know you're looking for a "boyish look". Personally, I go for mohawks or a high and tight~ :]
Hi, Look at it another way... You know what male pattern baldness may feels like emotionally. Any help?
That sucks man, I'm sorry. :\ It's only for week right? I know it's tough, but just be strong and hang in there! (*hug*) As for your hair, when she's gone maybe you can go get it cut again to a more boyish cut.
Hey don't worry. It doesn't matter what you look like, you are who you are inside. I know that looking like the gender you feel you are is important, but don't worry, you'll get your look back, and in the mean time, know that you're still a guy. No one or thing can take that from you ^_^
