Hi, I'm 35, and I only started dating women - to be more precise, the one woman I love and with whom I have a stable relationship - last year. Right from the start, I decided I would not keep it a secret, because it's nothing to be ashamed of. So I told everyone that mattered about it. Reactions varied. My father forbade me to ever bring my girlfriend to visit them. My mother insisted I was feminine, therefore not a lesbian, and said I should date a "good, financially stable man." She eventually stopped doing it, but I know she still thinks I'm wrong. She just doesn't have the nerve to say it to my face. My sister...well, she and I are not really close. She treated it like it was a minor announcement, since she's mostly focused on herself, but other than that, she was generally supportive. What really depressed me was the reaction of my friends. They all enthusiastically congratulated me, though shocked at first. However, I can't talk about any issues related to my girlfriend or my being a lesbian with them. They don't say it, but it's clear; they put up with me being a lesbian out of respect for our years - 15 years or so - of friendship, but expecting them to support me and to talk about it is way too much. They just shun the subject. Do all people have to rebuild their whole social lives when they come out? Is that normal? I'm beginning to think I'll have to find a whole new array of friends, and forget about having nurturing family relationships. I don't want to be prejudiced towards heterosexual people, but it seems they are prejudiced against me. Should I start from scratch? Should I give them time to overcome it - though they've already had an year or so? I would really appreciate some advice.
As a mature (supposedly ) man coming out as gay, I'm asking myself this question 100 times a day. I mean, I know I'm gay, now. (as in now I know I'm gay). And I want a life as an out gay man. But everything I've done all my life has been hetero normative. So there's a lot ahead of me that's outside of my comfort zone But it's either that or pull the blankets up over my head and stay in bed all day That's no way to live! Of course in my head I know many of my friends will be ok with this. But I know that my soon to be ex and I have many shared friends, and I think a lot (all?) of them will side with her as I'll be the bad guy. So many of us on the journey...
